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Original poster

Should we let our 6 year old see his dead granny?

206 replies

Thunderbolted · 07/09/2020 15:00

Just that really.
We're taking him to the funeral but wondered whether to let him see the body the day before. Apparently she's nicely laid out. I know I found it helpful as an 11 year old to see a dead relative but I don't know if 6 is too young.
We're very open about death and what's happened so my inclination is to give him the option and let him choose. They weren't super close.
I know it's totally different but he saw our dog after he died and decorated the coffin and I think that helped him grieve.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 07/09/2020 15:01

No I wouldn’t, what benefit will it bring? It could potentially scar him for life

Ranunculi · 07/09/2020 15:01

I didn’t see my gran when she died and I was in my 20s. It’s not a nice final memory and I think a child that small would be negatively affected by it.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/09/2020 15:01

No. I think 6 is too young.

HeyBlaby · 07/09/2020 15:03

I'm a nurse and deal with death a lot but I think 6 is too young.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 07/09/2020 15:03

Absolutely not, sorry I think that’s way way too young. Especially if they weren’t too close. I wouldn’t give him the option, I think this is something you need to decide on as parents.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

TeenPlusTwenties · 07/09/2020 15:03

No. I saw MIL and really wish I hadn't.

Original poster
Thunderbolted · 07/09/2020 15:04

Thanks, this is all helpful

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 07/09/2020 15:04

No, thats not appropriate for such a young child.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2020 15:05

I would, and did, much younger than 6. So have my children. There's nothing scary about it.

RedRec · 07/09/2020 15:05

Way too young.

Herja · 07/09/2020 15:05

No, too young. I always see my loved ones at the end, but it can leave a haunting impression sometimes. 6 is too young to process this if they do find it upsetting.

Estrellente · 07/09/2020 15:05

Absolutely no way.

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/09/2020 15:05

I wouldn't. I still have images of my deceased fil in my head from about 8 years ago.

villamariavintrapp · 07/09/2020 15:06

Yes if he wants to, I don't think we do our children any favours by making death so distanced and scary. It's a part of life.

FinnegansWhiskers · 07/09/2020 15:07

No!

villamariavintrapp · 07/09/2020 15:07

Though I guess it depends how he died/ how your son has reacted so far, how everyone else is reacting etc etc,

Original poster
Thunderbolted · 07/09/2020 15:08

The first thing he said when we told him is 'can I see her?'. I'm of the 'death is natural' camp and feel we're too squeamish about it but it's good to get alternative views.

OP posts:
DracoDormiens · 07/09/2020 15:09

Yes I would. We need to normalise death to stop it becoming a big issue. I think the old school catholic’s has it right in laying out the body at home for everyone to say goodbye. Death has become medicalised and hidden away from sight. Things that are hidden are scary.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/09/2020 15:09

Yes if he wants to, I don't think we do our children any favours by making death so distanced and scary. It's a part of life.

I agree completely.

GreenTiles22 · 07/09/2020 15:13

Depends on your attitude OP.

a 6 year old in our family saw their dead relative (a sibling). She went in, was there for a minute and said she'd had enough. Totally unphased by it. She fully understands he was dead and won't be returning. She asked a lot of questions about what then happened to the body. Her relative was cremated and she understood what that meant at the funeral.

I think it helped her get a full picture of the circle of life. She still speaks openly about his death in a healthy way.

But it does depend on if you can support your child in these tough conversations.

Iamnotacerealkiller · 07/09/2020 15:14

No. At 6 I had a sudden onset fear of death not even triggered by seeing a body. It was the age I recognised my own mortality. I've had a phobia of dead things ever since. It's a tricky age.

Moondust001 · 07/09/2020 15:16

@Thunderbolted

The first thing he said when we told him is 'can I see her?'. I'm of the 'death is natural' camp and feel we're too squeamish about it but it's good to get alternative views.
I actually agree with you. Death in this country is clinical and removed from normal life, and I do not think that is at all healthy. If this is what he wants, and if it is something that you can support, answering any questions he has with honesty, then I think it is a good thing.

I see no reason at all why it would "scar him for life" as some have suggested. Just because we have a society that avoids dealing with death doesn't mean that everyone should. As an alternative perspective, my beloved grandmother (the other one wasn't beloved!) died when I was 5. I wanted to see her and also to go to the funeral. My father forbade it. I never forgave him for that, and I am now 62. I am still angry about his choice (and it was his - my mother, from an Irish village, was used to children at funerals and thought nothing odd about it). If this is what he wants, you should respect his request. Being 6 doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't understand these things.

RB68 · 07/09/2020 15:19

I am very pragmatic about death and I would say no its not necessary. I didn't even go and see my Mum myself. I had said my goodbyes etc

Frankley · 07/09/2020 15:21

No, too young. I wouldn't take a young child to a funeral either. They upset me and I'm an adult.

Humbersider · 07/09/2020 15:21

Please don't.

It's fine if it's fine. But if it isn't fine it's a catastrophe.