Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

@mrssunshinexxx

@mrssunshinexxx

God Christmas I’m absolutely dreading too! Thank you for your reply x

@Blaziken

No words of advise just that I’m sending you love. Finical side of things is hard I was lucky I didn’t have to deal with them .. deep breaths x x x

Feeling down for a few days, emotional rollercoaster at the moment. Crying it out has helped.

My Dad died last Christmas, the funeral was late January. Nothing has been normal since before Christmas. I have moments where I think I must tell Dad or wonder what Dad thinks about this and that. Questions. I need to know he's ok. Which is ridiculous I know, I'm not even religious. I can see him passing away so clearly as if if were actually happening again infront of me. I hope he knew I was there, I hope he wasn't scared or in pain. All this is so hard. I think people must think I'm ok because of the time passed but I'm not. It feels like never ending grief.

@loopykay

I think that our world stops while everyone else’s continues. And when asked a month or so down the line we feel that saying we’re not ok seems boring to others ? That’s how I feel anyway. I’m now 4 months down the line and my response is ‘Yeah I’m fine” when really that isn’t the case.

I struggle to say the word dad at the moment - but what you said about speaking with him and wondering what he thinks I feel is totally normal! Everything you said I can relate to 100 percent’ All these questions of I hope he wasn’t in pain or scared ect is so true.

The last day with my dad when we had Them Chat’ ( he was unresponsive at this point and had been for a couple of weeks) as I was speaking with him and telling him he can leave now he was taking really deep breaths as if he was trying to say something, I think he was trying to tell me he loves me and I think of this every single day.

You’re not going crazy and everything you’ve said is so worthy and painful- grief is such a rollercoaster please be kind to yourself x

@Flippyflo @loopykay
I really struggle with this too - people's lives are going to carry on as normal and that's fine I'm not stupid but my in laws for example just already seem normal and I can't stand to be around it especially as we are due our first baby in 2 weeks mum died not even 6 weeks ago and I am still in the thick of it like it happened yesterday
I have a couple of relatives/ friends who have lost loved ones and they said it takes 5/6 years to be ok/ feel better/ accept it. It's going to be a long road and there will be some people we don't take on it with us.

It's just horrific I never expected this I thought I would have her for another 30 years it hits me like a knife still 100 times a day

@mrssunshinexxx

I completely get it! You don’t expect anyone to tip toe around you however a gentle reminder or gesture would help.

Everyone around me is ‘normal’ now and that’s fine this isn’t their world. But our hearts still hurt- god a baby in the mix of grief is so difficult. Really hope you’ve able to find the strength to build the life your mum would of wanted for you x

Thank you @Flippyflo me too I've dreamt of this time for so long and I know she wouldn't want me to be miserable she would want me to be the mum she always said she knew I would be when she was here and through my pregnancy it's just so hard with mil it's her first grandchild and they live close by I just need to set boundaries because I need my privacy and at the end of the day it's our babies no one else's x

Hi, I’m glad and sorry to find this thread.

I lost my lovely Dad in April. His cancer treatment was going well but Covid pneumonia found him.

Lots of posters have written about the shock, funeral arrangements, dealing with practicalities. Everything would be a struggle at the best of times.

I’m doing my best but it’s hard.

Hi @user100987 thank you for your words. All I can say is cherish the time you have.. I told my dad everyday that I loved him and tried to show him old pics to keep his spirits up. You can send me a msg privately if you’d like as it’s very easy to get lost in this thread.

@Neome I’m sorry about your dad and his cancer. My dad passed from cancer last summer and my nan passed last weekend with COVID complications. The funeral was hard as only 10 ppl allowed and we couldn’t hug eachother.

I find grief to be strange. It’s almost like it tricks you in the beginning where you think you’re ok and then out of the blue you’ll get this wave of sadness where you feel it all over again. I feel guilt sometimes and then I feel content.. lean on the ppl around you and on this thread. Just know you’re not alone.. here if you need to chat

@FlippyFlo I really appreciate everything you have said

I am sorry about your dad Neome.

Grief is weird. I think I grieved a lot for Mum while she was ill - after she went I have been more or less OK.

But today I found out that a nice (but exasperatingly unsuited to their job) colleague had left and I really wanted to tell her about it - she'd had some right plonkers in her office so she would have understood!

It's been months but today I really miss her. Oh well.
She was so ill that it was no sort of a life for her...

All I want in the world is my mum when does this pain stop

It’s 2 weeks since my dad died. 2 whole weeks. I miss him so much and it hurts, physically hurts. It was so sudden, I should’ve had him for another 20 years and I don’t know how to be ok. We were so close and he I knew he loved me unconditionally and it’s gone.

I’m sorry to hear that so many of you are also going through this. I hope in time we can all be happy again. I have my own family and I need to be strong for them but god it’s hard.

Sorry to hear about your Dad Penny31

I am really struggling at the moment. I spoke to the GP at the end of last week and spent 20 minutes on the phone telling her the long and complicated circumstances surrounding my Dad's death, she recommended bereavement counselling and got me details of who to call, I spoke to them earlier on and they asked me to go through all the circumstances again.

I'm feeling drained and numb tonight. When I spoke to the GP I cried buckets afterwards but tonight I didn't and I feel guilty about that.

I've had to retell the complicated events around my Dad's death and making the DNR and palliative care decisions twice this week and yet I feel numb and haven't even cried.

I felt emotional on and off all day about it (thank goodness nobody asked how i was) and didn't need this tonight. Doing it all on the phone is not the best way but obviously it's that or nothing. Not going to the funeral (my choice in part but also because logistics made it next to impossible), not being able to have a memorial service, not being able to scatter his ashes and now all the father's day reminders and trying to carry on doing a good job at work and not letting everybody down, trying to support my children with school work after having been out at work all day.

SuperF they should be able to do it using some sort of videoconferencing (Skype/zoom/Google Hangouts/FB messenger etc etc etc) so at least you can see each other. I think it makes a difference being able to see people's faces.

Having been very resilient for months I am now starting to grieve for my parents in the way I'd expected. Thankful for WFH as I sometimes end up crying at my desk, bit of a bugger in a very open-plan office.

@FluffyFluffyClouds

SuperF they should be able to do it using some sort of videoconferencing (Skype/zoom/Google Hangouts/FB messenger etc etc etc) so at least you can see each other. I think it makes a difference being able to see people's faces.

Having been very resilient for months I am now starting to grieve for my parents in the way I'd expected. Thankful for WFH as I sometimes end up crying at my desk, bit of a bugger in a very open-plan office.

I was more resilient at first too, much less drama and tears. Unfortunately I work in a very public space without the option to leave the room, I'm basically acting all morning and then sitting somewhere quiet at lunchtime on my own to get myself together again ready to repeat it for the afternoon. Woe betide that any of my colleagues ask if I am OK because I just can't deal with that.

Hi, I’ve just found this thread. It’s been 10 days since my mum went. I just feel so alone. I miss her so much. Her leukaemia had returned & she spent 5 weeks in hospital during lockdown. We were able to see her when they knew she didn’t have long left & being mum she fought on til the end & we were able to spend 8 days with her. I know we were luckier than many at this time but...How do people cope during the funeral? I have lost my best friend. My brother, sister & I are all trying to look after our dad. They had been together 55 yrs.

@Badgerstmary I don't know what to say other than I know how you feel
My parents had been together 45 years and we lost mum 6 weeks ago she was my absolute world
Its absolutely SHIT and cruel and every other emotion in between

Badger, you don't have to cope during the funeral really, just ... take lots of hankies and get someone else to drive if you can.
SuperF cry at someone once and they learn not to ask (!). God bless the privacy of the toilets.

I lost my Mum on Friday. We had a difficult relationship due to her mental health problems when I was growing up. We had grown closer in the last few years. I would give anything to be able to give her a hug again.

Sorry to hear that Furry

Why does grief get harder?

Fours month down the line and at first I felt numb about it all and would remember daily when I woke up that dad was dead and it'd hit me like a brick. Now it's actually harder than it was before, I'll be fine one minute and then on the verge of tears for no reason. Then I'll be angry at times, like now I just woke up and couldn't find my hair bobble under my pillow and felt like screaming in anger.
I could honestly stamp my foot like a toddler right now, I feel full of excess energy and it's bubbling out of me like a boiling pan. I could punch the shit out of my pillow but it wouldn't help.

Aaaaaaargh...seriously though what the fuck is going on in my head ?

@thesuperfluousone I am angry as fuck also and very irrational I just cannot fathom how a person so so good has been taken

It's all bullshit