Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

It is a good thing and I found it helpful yesterday.

When I lost my mum, I did not know what to do with myself that's when the thread was born. And so it continued and I really hope that it has helped everyone, it's such a desolate time isn't it. I still feel it after 8 yrs. take care💐

Thank you Mummylin

Thank you @Mummylin

@glitterb
It is quite common to be numb or calm. Particularly I suspect if they were chronically ill and life wasn't very enjoyable for them for a good while.
I am able to cry and mourn my mum now but that's only recently been the case and she died last autumn!

They usually seem to thrust a big leaflet called "Someone died what next" or some such into your hand immediately but if they didn't do this for you there are loads of checklists online. Lists are your friends.

@LittleFluffyCumulus
I think it is because her illness was sudden and unexpected, we hoped and preyed for a miracle until being told the miracle wasn’t coming. She was on palliative care for 2.5 weeks and it was horrendous, how anyone can say it is humane is beyond me!
We didn’t get any advice sadly, i think they wanted us out the way as soon as possible due to the coronavirus! After loosing my Dad 18 months ago, it is all too much to take in. Today I just left it all and took the dog on a decent walk to get some air!

Thank You @mummylin

Glitterb, I’m so sorry that you are having to go through all of this at the moment. We had a FaceTime call with a minister to talk through the plans for Dad’s funeral today. It’s just so surreal, I’m sure that at any other time I’d have been beside myself but with four young children at home who quite literally need something every second of the day I think I’ve just gone into survival mode. It occurred to me earlier that I’d needed a wee for over two hours but hadn’t had the opportunity to go. How am I meant to even think about grieving for my Dad when I don’t get a moment to think at all?!

@howareyoumeanttochoose with all this going on I'm finding it really hard to think straight or grieve and I don't have 4 children. Even with my 2, just getting enough food in the house is enough to keep me busy full time at the moment!

Anyone else finding it difficult that everything is on hold due to all the Corona lockdown? I still have no date for dad's cremation and it's been well over 3 weeks. All the bank and bills admin is taking much longer plus I have no idea how I'm going to clear out his flat under the circumstances.

I found this site useful @glitterb if you haven't already seen it?
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/amp

I still feel that it was a relief in a way that we lost my dad before the lockdown started - several friends have now lost family members due to Corona and I can only imagine how hard that must be

@Richlyfruited thank you, things have been made confusing by the fact my mum has a PCP car and BMW have been appalling!

We have just got the date for the funeral, it all still feels surreal. I’ve only just managed to empty her hospital bag!

Coming up to a year since we lost mum...been a tough 12 months as lost my MIL in December too...struggling massively!

Richlyfruited, exactly, it’s so surreal to be worrying about how to feed my family at a time like this. I’ve been lucky enough to get an online shop but I’m finding the restrictions are making it really hard to get enough of the basics for the 6 of us and I’m shopping for my mum too! I think not being able to go to their house or into the places that we used to go together is making it seem somehow less real. I have a feeling it will hit me hard once life gets back to some semblance of normality but for now I feel like I’ve just got to concentrate on keeping everyone safe and cared for. I haven’t even cried the last two days, it’s as if that part of my mind has been totally wiped out!

I am also glad that Dad passed when he did, he was really struggling to understand why we couldn’t visit, even though he knew all about the virus, he just wanted us with him and that was heartbreaking.

I hope you will all manage to cope over Easter, which obviously is the "first" special event without your parent for some of you.
It is a tough time, not made any easier by not being able to see family members at the moment.
Wishing you all strength to help you through your losses. 💐

My mam passed away at the end of March. She was diagnosed with multiple brain tumours a fortnight before she passed. She had been diagnosed with lymphoma almost 3 years ago. She came through that but the cancer returned in March and there was nothing they could do.
I think I’m still in shock. We were extremely close. I’m an only child and now I’m trying to look after my dad during this virus. I really need to keep him safe. He’s so sad and lonely and I can’t even be there with him which is so so difficult.

Not sure I'm on the right thread but hope it's ok to post.
My DF passed away today. Expected due to long term cancer but a very vey difficult last few weeks made more difficult by covid 19 restrictions

I last saw him 3 weeks ago (the day schools broke up). Haven't been since because of my vulnerable dd. He lives several hundred miles away. I have a dd who is on the shielding list as is medically fragile / thankfully dh can also do her care.

I know it's incomprehensible but I really don't want to miss his funeral. It's so hard to even comprehend the loss because I wasn't able to be be there when he died and just heAring about it and not being there with my family is excruciating.

Not sure why I'm posting. Think i just want the because of the lockdown and not having my friends.

Just really shitty timing (although I'm thsnkg he was able to travel in the last few years - he got a terminal diagnosis 6 years ago so its been a long time coming.
He as 75 and no covid 19 diagnosis just did I do but my lovely step mum who has been a very good mum to me is only 55 (is also an OT and has given the best possible care)

I know it's incomprehensible but I really don't want to miss his funeral

It's not incomprehensible at all. Missing the funeral is hard. Maybe you can plan a memorial for later In the year.

You're right wrt memorial. I'm sure we can have something later.

I'm just being selfish I think, My step mum (df's wife for 35years) was told 10 max at the funeral.

We are 7 children plus step mum.

I'm thinking the risk is high to go as my dd (11) is shielding for 9 weeks more at least. But I want to go to my fathers funeral for so many reasons.
I know my priority is dd's life and wellbeing im just devastated tonight

You are not being selfish, of course you want to go but if you can't there are other ways you can remember him, I couldn't go to my fathers funeral but I will do my own goodbye when I can, if he's being cremated can you take part in the ashes being scattered after the lockdown ?

So sorry for your loss @Minimamame and @mummeeee

It is such an incredibly difficult time to lose a loved one. I think the individual decisions people are having to make about funeral arrangements are utterly heartbreaking and tough also when you are trying to look after the surviving parent.

Easter is proving difficult - I'm already feeling bereft that we would usually have had my dad over for Sunday lunch I guess it helps slightly that these are not 'normal' times this year.

Thank you so much

Hi All, new poster here. I went to visit my Dad yesterday and found he had passed away in his sleep. I lost my Mum in 2006 and am an only child. He had no family and friends to speak of, so we were very close. I feel so sad and confused with so many complex layers of grief I don't know where to begin. I know with my Mum that slowly things start to be processed and become more peaceful in your mind but it's so hard atm with no one to talk with who knew him.

for you Hidethesausage. So sorry for your loss.
I'm in a very similar situation. Its been a week since dad died and I feel a little more at peace. Still very emotional and sad, but not crying all the time. The grief I'm feeling for dad is very different to the grief I felt for mum. It feels bigger and heavier and like it will go on forever.
I was close to them both in different ways, and mum's death brought me even closer to dad. But I think I when mum died it was expected and a relief from her suffering, and I stayed strong to support dad. This time it feels so wrong and unfair and like I'm grieving them both and doing it all alone.
I have started funeral plans but in these times its challenging and nothing like what he wanted. I have lovely friends who phone me and just let me cry down the line, and ramble on about him even though they'd only met him a few times.

So sorry for your losses
Sausage you can tell us about your lovely dad if it helps.

Thank you both for your replies. (I'm sorry, I don't know how to highlight your usernames?) I know what you mean; I feel like it's different this time and I thought it would feel the same so I almost felt prepared. I suppose the relationship was different and, as you say, we are alone now which hurts so much as I know he worried about that for me. Could have done with seeing friends but that won't be possible for a while and I can't face phone calls at the best of times. I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk about him yet. So sorry you are going through this too, but it helps that I'm not completely alone.

I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk about him yet.

No apology is needed, do what you want or need to do. We are here for you. It was two months ago for me, it's easier now than I thought it could ever be.