Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

[Mummy2TandF]

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

if you need people to talk to we are all here. xx

Of course you feel bad about the other thread Mummy2 (It's Crotchety here - I used to post on it) but it was your real life. And it showed us that you were doing your utmost to make your marriage work. You didn't just give up and leave , and sometime in the future you'll be able to be proud about that.

I hadn't seen your other thread just had a look. How understandable it is for you to feel it is all your fault, that you have somehow brought his death on yourself.
Of course that is not true, this simply comes under the heading of "shit happens" and you'll have to cope with whatever life throws at you.
The abuse was not your fault, his death is not your fault, your financial situation is not your fault, but it doesn't mean you don't have to cope with it.
I would still love to be able to send you some money to tide you over and I'm sure there are others who feel the same.
Why not accept some loving help from people who have been travelling with you for some time or, like me, total strangers who are moved by your trouble? Please do, even if only to make you feel a little bit less on your own and for the sake of your children

This has brought me to tears..Just wanted to add my thoughts..and like the others if there is anything we can do xxxxxxx

That is just the point, life is soo unfair, we were getting along much, much better in the last mnoth or so (that was the nature of the relationship really, had been the same for 11 years) and had had an excellent few days, dh took the dc's to the park on Sunday, we all went to LegoLand on the Monday and then Tuesday this tragedy happened We had always been up and down but I love, loved him so much that I just wouldn't and couldn't leave ... as I have siad to people in rl that have said things, in the end you are judged on your heart and not your mouth and he did have a really big heart, he just kept it hidden at times.
My dad said that he will come round tomorrow to help with all the financial bits but there really isn't a lot to sort out, we have been living from pocket to mouth since dh's old firm went bust 2 years ago, so we really have nothing - I don't want my dad to come round and discover what a state we really are in I went back to the crematorium today with dh's nephew and we took a few of his flowers over to the lake where he died and have placed them round the tree where dh was found (there are already floers and tributes there) It was quite a calming afternoon after a terrible morning being on my own with the dc's as I just kept breaking down Why is life so bad for some people?

I agree - please let us create a 'tiding over fund' for you: a little given by many of us will add up to a lot of practical help. Littlelapin - how can we do this?

callmemadam thats agreat idea....i think a lot of other people will too.

we are living as you have right now, with little/no money so i understand what it can be like. but having experienced what you jsut have you dont need to be worrying about money, please let us help!

even you contributed to charlees holiday m2t+f )iirc)

{{{{{{{{{{{cyberhugs to you and little ones}}}}}}}}}}}

This is such sad news M2T&F, I lost my husband a few years ago but we didn't have any children together. I do understand some of what you're going through and would just say that in time it does get better. The best thing you can do is use all your support networks, be honest about how you feel and never ever think that you have to do this alone.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

LL - you really didn't need to do this, I am sure that there are much more worthy causes, mn is so kind as a community and at times like this I don't know where I would be without the support it gives - thank you for being so very thoughfull.
ds has been asking when daddy is coming back from fishing and until now I have been completely unable to say anything to him, but I was so upset today after the events of yesterday and being on my own for the first night and day, I felt that I needed to tell him something more than daddy is fishing. He asked when daddy is coming back and I said that he wasn't going to come back because he has gone fishing in heaven ds asked me if heaven was near Belhus (a lake dh often fished at and the one he was found at) - I said no darling heaven is near the moon (all I could think that he would understand) ds said but if it is a long way away why didn't daddy take his car and I explained that when people go fishing in heaven, they don't need a car because they don't come back , he seemed to accept this and I was pleased that I had actually told him something. At bedtime ds said that he thought it was going to rain and would daddy have an umberella in heaven because he didn't want him to get wet - I just hope I have done the right thing

Oh Mummy......... you did. You gave him an answer he could accept. What a caring boy to worry whether Daddy has a brolly in Heaven.

Of course LL didn't have to do what she did... but it's allowed people to express their sorrow on your behalf. Besides.... it takes a way an immediate worry for a while.

Know that I carry you and your wee ones in my prayers. I wish I could do more for you and carry your grief for you but I wish you strength and peace. I know it may seem forever a way but I'll pray it for you anyway. Try to sleep my love.

Mummy2, you did the right thing.
My mum's DP died last Nov and I told DD1 who was nearly 3 then that he hurt himself and the doctors couldn't fix him and that he wouldn't be coming back again
You can expect him to keep checking with you every now and again just to make sure. DD1 asked me 3 days ago, is X going to get better soon. To which i said no he will never get better, he will never come back. She said but he's got some medicine hasn;'t he?? I just keep saying the same thing over and over when she asks. Be prepared for him to keep asking ans just repeat what you have said. I found the Doctors couldn't fix him/make him better thing quite good. She seemed to understand that more than anything else.
She asks less now, but still thinks about it occasionally. I think since this is Daddy he will ask more. You're doing really well with it. it is hard to know what to say.
Bless him worrying about him getting wet

when jayden died coni care recommended books that explain in story time , my four year old gd took it better this way , but sometimes says when can we go to haven and get jayden back, then we have to explain we cant

What a lovely way to tell your dc.They are so accepting when they are small. Much love to you.xxx

I think that is a beautiful way to tell dc hun. My neice and nephew write letters to my mum sometimes..they used to throw them in the sky. Might be something they can do ata later date , so they feel they are communicating with him?
My thoughts as always are with you xx

mummy2TandF, have only just seen this. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Hun if you need anything I'm only in Dagenham, I can be a shoulder to cry on or just ears for listening. You can email me direct on

[email protected]

im so sorry mum2tandf ive only just found this post i sort of knwo how you feel as i lost my dp a year ago but to a long term illness so was expected but dosent make it any easier. things will work themsleves out even the finacial ones we were in a finacial mess when dp died but it did get sorted. hugs to you and the dcs xx