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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

679 replies

Mummy2TandF · 29/08/2007 09:48

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

OP posts:
mistypeaks · 31/08/2007 09:57

Hi mummy, still thinking of you. This may not be the time, but I wanted to let you know this whilst it's fresh in my mind. I'm currently making 2 patchwork quilts for my dds incorporating pieces of material from their special clothes - first baby gro, first birthday dress etc as I can't bear to let them go. Maybe in weeks/months to come you could do some cushions or something for your little ones from some of your dh's clothes. That way they have something of his to go to bed with if they feel lonely or miss him? Maybe you could have one yourself? It's just a thought, maybe it will also be a little quiet project for yourself to keep your mind occupied. Hope I haven't been in any way insensitive. Hugs xxxx

frumpygrumpy · 31/08/2007 10:42

Sweetheart, how heartbreaking. I think its great you had the strength to visit him. Time for you to say some things you need to.

Young death is the most hurtful isn't it.

Just in case you haven't time to read the thread I linked earlier, here are some links given to me for my friend that might help support you in telling your DS.

daisy's dream

Christie · 31/08/2007 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cupcakes · 31/08/2007 11:01

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've just seen your profile - your dd reminds me so much of my dd2 who is 8 months old. You are grieving for your loss and their loss. Do try to look after yourself.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 31/08/2007 11:10

mummy2tandf, please please do let us all know if there is anything you need!! i feel so useless and yet want to help so much!

thinking of you all!

laughalot · 31/08/2007 13:35

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dh we are thinking of you at this sad time. Try and take care and look after your special children xxx

Sidge · 31/08/2007 13:54

I'm so so sorry.

Wishing you love and strength, and thinking of you and your children.

gabble · 31/08/2007 17:09

Hi MummyT ,
As ive just been there and i guess its a horrible practical point you do get bereavement benefit inital payment of £2000 , they gave me the form at the funeral directores, also as part of thet you are entitile to widowed parent allowance in the future which is around 87 quid a week. Doesnt feel like much compensation i know but if you are worried about money it helps i guess. I do hope the funeral goes as well as it can , just try and remember all the good times , that what got me through it . I guess im dealing with it just by thinkng how lucky i was to have such a wonderful life with him when he was here....some people never get that in their lives, i just wish it had been longer.

MellowMa · 31/08/2007 17:11

Message withdrawn

Jacanne · 31/08/2007 17:25

I'm very sorry for your losses, both Gabble and MT&F.xxx

LowFat · 31/08/2007 17:28

So sorry for your loss.

I was a little girl who lost her daddy age 6. My mummy - just like you was a wonderful lady and kept his memory alive for me, just as you will for your dc's.

I wish I could say more to be of comfort - I am thinking of you, and will look out for you any time you need a chat or a shoulder, just like all MN's

Lots of love

milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo · 31/08/2007 20:05

I am so sorry for your loss, I was also widowed young, 7 years ago, if you need anything please let me know.

ele dot gant at btinternet dot com

Hugs to you and you children ((())))

twinmumabi · 31/08/2007 20:17

Hi, I haven't posted before and I'm not sure how these forums work, what all the shorthands mean etc... but my frined told me about this because my husband died suddenly a month ago, whilst we were on holiday in Cornwall. He was 36 and died in his sleep. The PM showed up nothing, other than his heart stopped beating and they've taken it away for further investigations. They told me that it looks like sudden adult death syndrome, but that these investigations might throw up something else, maybe not. I have 16 month old twins. We were married for 15 years and met when we were still at school, that makes 20 years of my life with him and it's like half of me has been torn away. The twins are keeping me going, they're so full of life and energy! I've had lots of support and plenty of company, although at times I've needed to be on my own. The funeral was the saddest thing I have ever done, but also so amazing and so meaningful, over 100 people came and I felt so proud that he had been my husband. I organised it to reflect as much as it could be of him, having never sat down and discussed it!My heart goes out to Gabble and Mummy2TandF, I know what you're going through and it is the hardest and saddest time of our lives. I will be thinking of you. I've read the other posts and thank you for the advice and ideas that people have shared.

horrifiedmum · 31/08/2007 20:32

Gabble and twinmumabi - how terrible for you both too. It just doesn't make sense does it.

Mummy2TandF - the annual fishing day is a lovely idea. My mums 'baby' brother died in a drowning accident aged 18 in 1972. There is a memorial football match and trophy each year and its still lovely to see it reported in the paper under his name, all these years on.

tortoise · 31/08/2007 20:32

Only just seen this. So sorry to hear of your loss.

Callmemadam · 31/08/2007 20:58

Twinmumabi and Gabble - I am so, so sorry for you too - with MummytoTandF, Yorkiegirl and ggg you are a heartbreaking group - but I know that each of you will be there for each other, as the rest of MN are there for you too when you are ready - to support, listen, cajole, cry, and help......you will never be alone now you have found us , and while we cannot comprehend your losses, we can, and will be, here for you and your dcs. No matter what your religious beliefs for all of us it is truly a case of 'there, but for the Grace of God, go I'

Hugs

SpeccieSeccie · 31/08/2007 21:04

Just seen this. I am so desperately sad for you.

As others have suggested, it is probably worth going to see your gp when you can. Don't be afraid to ask for some tablets, but there may be other things the GP can suggest and maybe details of local organisations to get in touch with.

Really thinking of you and your dcs. x

HomeintheSun · 31/08/2007 23:02

I am so sorry for you loss, the only bit of advice is take one day at a time, I'm sending you hugs and love, you know where we are if you need to talk.

Frizbe · 31/08/2007 23:26

have only just seen this too {{{{Hugs}}}} to all of you and your dc's.

Dior · 31/08/2007 23:39

Message withdrawn

maman4 · 01/09/2007 01:04

Hope you re baring up and getting a little rest.love to the dc s

Budababe · 01/09/2007 08:20

Was away for a few days and have only just seen this. Am so so sorry. How heartbreakingly sad for you.

magnolia1 · 01/09/2007 08:37

Only just seen this
I am so incredibley sorry for you and your children's loss
I can't think of anything to say that will help but am thinking of you xxxx

DutchOma · 01/09/2007 15:13

How are you today Mttaf? Thinking of you

Furball · 01/09/2007 15:28

to those that have lost their dh's am very very sorry.

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