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Bereavement

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Original poster

Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

679 replies

Mummy2TandF · 29/08/2007 09:48

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

OP posts:
naughtynoonoo · 30/08/2007 10:29

Sorry for you loss m2TandF. Prayers and thoughts of you and DC at this sad time.

MamaG · 30/08/2007 10:31

So sorry to hear this terrible news

Jojay · 30/08/2007 10:52

So so sorry m2t&f.

Thinking of you and your family xxxxxx

Pixiefish · 30/08/2007 11:15

Do you know anybody local to you that could recommend a funeral director Mummy2TandF? Or is there one that your dh's or your family used?

That would be the best place to start- they will deal with everything you want them to deal with. I'd try and ring them now - you can do that even before you get the certificate from the coroner.

If you don't know of anyone local then I'd sugegst you have a look in your local paper and see if there's one advertising there- or have you got a daily regional paper that has birth and death announcements- have a look at the bottom of the announcements for the names of a funeral director.

I'd also second that you contact Yorkiegirl as she can help you with practicalities having just been through it herself xx

littlemissmischief · 30/08/2007 11:28

Im so sorry - How awful. My deepest sympathies and thoughts are with you and your family

NAB3 · 30/08/2007 12:52

I dont even know you but haven't stopped thinking about you all since I first read this. I just read through the new messages and are having a little cry. I am so sorry. Words are useless but know that lots of people are here for you.

mummylin2495 · 30/08/2007 13:35

i just wanted to pass on my deepest sympathy to you and your children,i dont know you but just wanted to post.

Jackstini · 30/08/2007 13:35

Glad you found out he was not alone M2T&F. Hoping by the time I write this you will have the pm report. I know it doesn't change anything but the waiting to find out is so hard.
So sorry for your and your children's loss. You have been in my thoughts since I read your post, please know that everyone is thinking of you and just take things one minute at a time.

chocolatekimmy · 30/08/2007 16:06

Oh my god, how horrendous for you all. Such young children bless them. Don't know what to say really, just thinking of you and hope you have lots of support to help you through it.
x

nell12 · 30/08/2007 16:24

Our thoughts are still with you and dcs.

Any word on pm? If you need any help with ANYTHING dont forget that we are all here xx

bluebell12 · 30/08/2007 16:27

I haven't posted here before but have been reading for a while and I couldnt pass this thread without saying something. I'm thinking about you and praying you have the strength to get through this terribly sad time. Sending you much love.

brendar75 · 30/08/2007 16:41

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, just saw the thread. Love and sympathy to you and your beautiful kids. xxx

DANCESwithDumbledore · 30/08/2007 16:46

Oh I am so very sorry to hear your terrible news. My thoughts are with you and your dc at this awful time

Roseylea · 30/08/2007 17:13

So very sorry

fryalot · 30/08/2007 17:17

so sorry to read this

suedonim · 30/08/2007 17:37

I'm so sorry.

saralou · 30/08/2007 17:41

mummy2t&f

i'm so sorry, i'm thinking of you at the moment and toby and freya

anything anyone of us can do please ask, we're all here for you

xxx

lemonaid · 30/08/2007 17:49

Only just read this. I'm so sorry. My DS is the same age as your and I can't begin to imagine having to break news like that.

SaintGeorge · 30/08/2007 18:04

So so sorry

PellMell · 30/08/2007 21:52

I cant imagine the grief you must be feeling.
So sorry you are going through this.

Callmemadam · 30/08/2007 22:02

I am so, so sorry for you and if we can help, we will. He died in a place he loved, and loved by his family, with no fear, or anticipation, or sadness, or pain; just a certain hope that a fish would rise and that he would feel a bite. Weep for your loss, but also be happy for what you had, and tell the children that Daddy loves them always

loonychick · 30/08/2007 22:21

You poor lady .. If you don't mind I have worked with children and bereavement and can I just give you some basic advice.

You must be totally honest with the children. Tell them he has died, not gone to sleep - it will give them nightmares and they will not sleep again for fearing they will die. Also, they will think he will wake up again someday soon. They must know he is not coming back .. I'm sorry to sound so harsh.

Let the children go to the funeral if that is what they/you want. I know the youngest is too small to understand/know but don't have any regrets about what you didn't do.

I know the bottom has fallen out of your life right now but the next week leading up to the funeral will be really busy. Make sure you are not left alone after all this busy time has stopped. That can truly be the worst .. I know you think life can get no worse right now.

There is a good book called Waterbugs and Dragonflies - Explaining Death to young Children by Doris Stickney. It is quite Christian, obviously I don't know your faith, but it answers little kids questions quite well. Also try the Child Bereavement Trust, they are excellent and will be a great help.

Most of all don't be alone. Try to find other Mums in your area who have sadly gone through the same and can help you right now in this period of utter darkness.

There is a light .. take strength from your children and try to find it for their sake and ultimately for you too.

gabble · 30/08/2007 22:33

Hi
I know exactly how you feel my husband died three weeks ago age 42 i found him dead when i got back from work, we have a two year old son . If its any help i decided he should be at the funeral and he was fine , dont really know what to say to him either ...just dont want him to lose what few memories he has but being realistic i guess that will happen . I cant even begin to think about how im going to cope and to be honest am keeping going when im on my own with my little boy but just fall apart when hes at nursery. i dont knowwhat happened as the pm was inconclusive and they hev opened an inquest which may take anything up to 5 months to be settled.
We had been together 18 years so i feel like half of me has just been taken away. I just cant help thinking of how much he is going to miss.

startouchedtrinity · 30/08/2007 22:43

Oh Gabble, I am so sorry to hear that.

Califrau · 30/08/2007 22:44

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