Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

Richlyfruited
I am so sorry for your loss . MND is such a awful disease.

I understand what you mean about not being here with the CV situation. I'm glad in a way that my Mum isn't around for the worst of it (although desperately wish she hadn't died). Mum would have really struggled as she couldn't bear staying in and went out every day.

I suppose it depends on numbers of people who will attend the funeral as to any restrictions there may be. If it would be extremely large numbers then perhaps you could just have close family and friends to the funeral and have a memorial service later on for others to attend.

If normal size then I don't think there are currently restrictions but have it sooner rather than later in case numbers of people dying from CV drastically increases.

Would it be an option to hold the funeral in a larger church/crematorium so that people attending it can spread out and feel safer?
Some will no doubt not attend because of the CV situation but those who are meant to be there will be.

The wake at be a problem (if you are having one) as some pubs and restaurants have closed purely because customers are staying away.

Thank you NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite

So sorry to hear about your DM

Yes lots to think about just feels like an added stress although being able to work from home for a while at least will be a relief.

@Richlyfruited I lost my mum last month to MND. We only had 27 days from diagnosis to losing her. It's the most horrible thing ever, she was such a chatterbox and for her to lose her voice, facial expression and all movement apart from her hands was the most heartbreaking, soul destroying thing. I've just been looking at some of her writing in the hospice before her last week when that went too and I'm in pieces.

She had a big funeral and I can only now be thankful that it was three weeks ago. If it were now I think we would have a small cremation with a memorial/thanksgiving service in the future, but yes, it would be hard.

Thank you Inca and I'm so very sorry for your loss

My dad had a similar late onset, aggressive form of the disease which was only dx a week before he died. Still in complete shock as it was all so fast

Hello all. I'm just here to wish everyone all the best on this day. It's my first Mother's Day without my mother and I'm struggling already. I haven't read the thread since my last post. Life is hard at the moment. I'll be avoiding the internet today. I just wanted to send my love to everyone missing a beloved parent today. Love to you all.

I’m so happy I found this thread.

Currently struggling with the loss of my darling dad. He died 4 days after I gave birth to my daughter 8 weeks ago.

Does it ever get better ?

So sorry for your loss Flippy
It must be such a conflict of emotions for you with the birth of your daughter

Richlyfruited Absolutely I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Bitter sweet xxx

Came here as I am really struggling with things at the moment. I lost my Dad a few months ago after a long and horrible battle with cancer. I had to watch him die and it was extremely traumatic but I kept strong for my kids and family and went back to work not long after the funeral. I was determined to get on with life. My LO then was admitted to hospital with a very serious health condition which meant she was admitted for a month and I stayed with her and was apart from my husband and other children during that time - only occasional visits due to the distance. My daughter is out of hospital now but still has a serious condition that we are learning to manage but the doctors are having to delay the proper treatment due to CV as they believe she is safer at home isolating than being in hospital. Right now she is stable and on medication but I am so worried things will decline and then we are faced with trying to get emergency care for her during this pandemic. I'm not home with my children as I can't go to work due to her vulnerability and I'm trying to home school my other children whilst my husband is trying to do a very stressful job from the upstairs bedroom. It's now that my grief for my Dad decides to hit me x100. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and I'm on the edge of tears from the minute I wake up until I go to bed. Whenever I get a second alone I cry. I don't know if it's because I've never been this long without seeing him before (I was with him almost every day and we were so close) or because I feel that I need him to help me during this worrying time but I just feel like I'm falling apart at the worst time. No one knows I feel like this, I'm pretending to be fine as I need to keep the family positive during everything that's happening with CV, they are all worried and disrupted enough without me being putting anything else on them. I just wanted to off load this

That should have said 'I am home with my children at the moment as I can't go to work'

Mum died a few months ago and only now am I really able to start missing her company and mourning her as a person.
The last few months particularly were all about doing the best we could for her as her body was packing up.
Now it's spring again and ... we used to meet up for fun stuff, you know, a lunch, a stately home or posh garden or concert or whatever (mobility scooters and disability legislation really helped). Just to enjoy spending time together because we knew she didn't have many more years left.

Good job am wfh so I can weep at my desk in the boxroom in private!

@username00 that all sounds really tough I'm sending you virtual hugs.

My dad died a little over 2 weeks ago very suddenly, and my mum died 6 months ago. I've had to go for a direct cremation with a thanksgiving service to be held later in the year as otherwise I was told only direct family would be allowed to attend. That's me alone as my half sister is symptomatic of CV so has to self isolate. So next Thursday he will be cremated and just a member of crematorium staff will be there. I feel terrible but I also know he'd not want me to have to face it on my own. I've put in his suit a letter from me, drawings from the kids and a love poem my mum wrote for him years ago.

It's just so hard at the moment. I miss them both so much and I keep reliving the afternoon two weeks ago when we discovered he had died. Turns out he had ischaemic heart disease and an aortic aneurysm but none of us knew. He appeared fit as a fiddle. I still feel so shocked and with the kids off school and no funeral to attend it doesn't give me much space to grieve.

Just had to get it off my chest. My friends are all cocooned in their own little quarantine bubbles and nobody really asks or talks to me about it anymore.

@Vix20678 I’m so very sorry 💐 I came on here for a handhold and you post echoed my feelings. I am so sorry you are having to go through the loss of both parents as well 😣

My Dad died 18 months ago after a long battle with pancreatic cancer, it was one of the worst things I have had to go through...
Then early February I found my Mum unconscious, she had suffered a brain aneurysm. Despite the doctors efforts she isn’t going to make it and we are currently sitting by her bedside.

Honestly I do not know what I am going to do. I am only 32 and feel so alone. Hand hold needed tonight 🥺

@Glitterb sorry I wasn't here last night. Belated handhold.

You poor love. I'm 42 on Tuesday so ten years older than you and the first of my friends to lose a parent, let alone both.

Sending strength and love.

@Vix20678 thank you 💐

I guess there isn’t an ‘ideal’ age to lose your parents but this feels all very cruel. The funeral situation is also heartbreaking, it feels like I am failing her by not giving her a proper send off.

@Glitterb I totally understand, I am so conflicted about the cremation and nobody being there for my dad but I know deep down that I am doing the right thing. There is no way my dad would let me go alone if he had any say in it.

Do you think you will have a memorial or thanksgiving service once the restrictions are lifted? That is what I will do and it is keeping me from feeling too awful about the lack of a proper funeral in the short term.

@Vix20678 yes we are planning to hopefully do something in July for her birthday, obviously dependent on the whole coronavirus situation. Or we will do something as close family.
I feel awful that potentially she won’t have the funeral she would have wanted, but also there isn’t much we can do so it seems like a waste of energy worrying about it. You’re right, your Dad would not have wanted you to have to do that alone. Please do not feel conflicted, he will always be with you no matter what. Funerals are such a strange thing, at my Dads so many people came, which was comforting however all I really cared about was getting through the day. The people who came kind of disappeared into the background. I lived with my mum so I knew her pretty much inside out, she loved her flowers so the idea of not having flowers at her funeral would be so very sad for her. I am hoping to hold of some red roses to put on the coffin.
My thoughts really are with you 💐

Flippyflo - sorry for your loss... I'm a few months ahead of you - my beloved daddy passed away in September (5 weeks after diagnosis) There've been some very very tough times... It's been the hardest thing ever and I miss him every moment of every day...

But, I'm 'accepting' it a little more... smiling to myself about some of the things he would have said or done - and trying really really hard to 'concentrate' on feeling grateful that I had him for so long... the tears fall at some point every day, but mostly when I'm by myself. However it's YOUR very personal grief and there's no timetable or prescription for how you should/shouldn't be feeling by a particular stage... We had these people in our lives for a very very long time - it's going to take some getting used to, if ever

Sadly jumping on to say hello. I lost my dad last week and am trying to write some words to say at his funeral. In a way, it is easier there will only be 5 people there ( trying to get a positive out of this awful situation) so we can be more personal.
What I’m struggling with is not being to pop in and out of my mums every day, haven’t seen her for a few days though we speak all the time. I really feel for her being so alone at this time.

@BlueBelleKnolle
@Flippyflo
@username00
@ZenyattaGambatta
@Glitterb
@Jazzmin

Sending my love and condolences to all of you. It is utterly sad that this thread is quickly filing up with people with broken hearts after losing their parents.

@Vix20678
My heart goes out to you in that terrible situation. The whole funeral situation is so awful. I am glad my DM's funeral was before the lockdown as it must be so much worse, not being able to have the funerals you want for your loved ones.

I think the whole Coronavirus crisis has pushed some of my grief away and I feel like I can't really mention it as so many people are suffering on different levels.
I get full of tears over some people's situations and CV and don't know whether I am crying for them or for my DM. It all seems mixed up into one big sad mess.

I'm angry inside at the selfishness of my BIL who hasn't acknowledged my mum has died. His wife died, very sadly, a year ago and his sympathy only seems to extend to his own situation.
Another BIL refers to his DF, who is the same age as my DM when she recently died, as living on borrowed time. It isn't said in jest. He means it. He clearly has no idea how offensive it is to talk like that in front of me.

@Jazzmin
Wouldn't you be able to go and see your DM and it be classed as caring for someone vulnerable because she is bereaved? Or is she in a group that requires shielding due to health issues?

I think vulnerable means people who can’t get themselves fed, dressed etc. My mum loves Facebook and posts lots of messages ending’ stay safe’ bless her!

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I totally understand where you are coming from with the whole pushing the grief away thing. It is so confusing at the moment, and where normally people might rally round - they can't.

I am also upset because my SIL's haven't reached out to me at all since my Dad died. I assume they just don't know what to say but FFS, say something!! It isn't hard to send a Whatsapp message or comment on one of my Facebook posts..

So sorry to the recent posters that have lost a parent in these difficult times

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite - totally agree that it's hard to grieve or find space to think whilst there is so much upheaval in our daily lives. So many triggers and reasons to get upset.

Signed the forms for my dad's direct cremation today and it all really hit me. Feel absolutely horrible that we won't be there with him

I'm also finding it really hard being apart from my DM @Jazzmin - feels like a double whammy.

@Richlyfruited sorry you're having to go for a direct cremation too. My dad's is this Thursday at 11am. I feel awful not being there too. It's my birthday tomorrow, first one with no parents. Happy days eh!

Sending love to you all tonight.