Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

@WLmum sorry for your loss

@emmaluggs that must be tough, not having the answers you need right now. I hope it's resolved with the coroner soon, and also that you find time to deal with your own grief. No doubt writing a letter will be a good starting point. I'll be writing my letter too this weekend for my dads casket. I'm only on day 3 and I'm bowled over with pain tbh. I thought because he was old and had terminal cancer that I would be able to rationalise his death. Maybe over time I will, but right know I feel like I can't breathe from the pain.

WL I am so sorry for your devastating loss. We will be here for you, and each other.
Do you know what I found so hard to understand in the beginning, how did everyone just go about as normal doing mundane things like shopping, I wanted to scream and say " don't you all know my mum just died "
I have no idea how I thought they would all know, it's just how I felt at the time. So alone.

@Mungomango see I think I’d cope better if I knew he was going as such, I think that’s the thing with grief no one knows how it will it effect them

Thank you, Mummylin and Nankles for welcoming me, and to everyone else for sharing. I'm not really able to talk to others much in real life - it's too raw - but it helps to know you are here and that you understand. I'm just trying to get through each day as best I can. I loved Dad so much and it's hard to think he's gone.

mungo I know that can't breath feeling so well. Over the last few weeks when it was clear she would die, I would come home to my dh and just not be able to speak. Luckily he's a good egg and understood.

I'm on my phone so hard to name check but support on here is amazing. It's easier to type it than say it.

@WLmum bless your DH. And you're so right, it's so much easier to write it down here than say it out loud. I went to see my dad today in the chapel of rest and oddly I feel much more at ease now. We saw him just after he died and it was a shock and he didn't look like himself at all. The undertakers made him look really peaceful and we put him in a smart suit. It was comforting.

it's been 5 weeks since Mum died.. probably a bit outing but she posted quite a lot on here so I keep reading through her posts.. they're equally comforting and awful to read at the same time. losing her has been like being on a boat when a storm hits and someone's cut the anchor and you've got no compass.

Sorry for your loss @WalkiesPlease

thank you @Mungomango –I'm glad you had a more peaceful experience seeing your dad again x

My Dad died 10 days ago, peacefully after 3 horrible years of advanced Parkinsons- a welcome release for him - he was nearly 90 but fit and healthy up to 3 yrs ago. Why am I so affected? The tiredness- anyone else feel it? As for concentration- don’t ask me anything complicated - it just does not compute. Back at work 3 days with difficulty....Sincerest sympathies to the rest of you

Not posted for a while, it's 3 months since mum passed suddenly, it's my first day back at work tomorrow and I am dreading it.

They have been very good and supportive but I feel people now expect me to be ok and moving on. In fact I'm worse than before.

Shock and numbness is wearing off and reality is setting in, it's making me feel very depressed. I am on antidepressants but feel so lost.

Can't believe I will never see or speak to her again and it's completely devastating.

My Ddad passed away just over a week ago. It was expected for about a week and in a way i wanted him to let go as he was so poorly, and we knew there was no coming back, ....and yet it still felt like a massive shock. My DM died about 8 years ago and i felt like this wouldn't hurt me as much as we were not as close, but its just made me revisit her death all over again.
I cried a lot the first few days but have been focussing so much on doing stuff that i know i haven't allowed myself time to process all the emotions yet.
I feel like DH can't understand the weight of it. Although i am doing stuff its like wading through treacle and the exhaustion is like newborn tiredness but he sees me "getting on with things" and thinks because I'm not crying everything is back to normal.

This is a really good thread, thank you for posting it.
It's many years since my parents and in laws died but I know how difficult it is for my son since his dad died.

Anyway, I won't take up more space but feel quite glad you've started this thread.

Hello everyone. There is great expectation from a lot of people that after a few weeks, things for us just go back to normal. How ferry wrong they are for most of us. We have just gone through one of the most distressing things in our lives, our lives as we know it have now changed forever, and the terrible sadness which we feel dosent just " get getter " in a few weeks.
We have a lot to cope with, and very often we try and support other family members whilst dealing with your own loss. It's so hard.
The healing time is different for everyone and it's not something that can be rushed.
Take your time and do your grieving. It's natural. 💐

My step mum passed 3 weeks ago, it's hit me today that I will never see her again, my dad is besides himself with grief. I've tried so hard to be strong but after talking to him on the phone today, hearing him sob has broken me, we didn't get time to get used to the idea of her passing, cancer is horrible and doesn't care about the people left behind. Her funeral is Thursday just hope I can hold it together for my dad.

So sorry Yetwig . It's such a horrible time isn't it. Although you are dreading the funeral, you may be surprised how strong you actually are. Yes there will be tears, which of course is normal, but you will get through it ok, especially with the knowledge that your dad is so upset. Good luck with it all. 💐

I lost my mum yesterday, she was in her 90s and had no real quality of life due to dementia and being bed/bound in the last few years. I saw/cared for her every day and whilst I was on my knees with exhaustion caring for her for so long , I am devastated that she’s gone. I’ve looked after her most of my adult life in different ways, what becomes of me now? I work full time and fitted in looking after mum with the help of my sister and carers. I don’t want to go to bed, although I’m exhausted.anyone else experienced this?

I lost my dad in January, renal failure. He had been chronically ill for a couple of years but no real cause, just getting old, his sight was failing, he was less mobile, had days of not eating or getting out of bed. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer 10 years ago but survived without it coming back. I was numb for months, the funeral just passed in a haze, I couldn't cry or feel anything, it has only been this last month that the realisation has hit me, I am never going to see him again, I miss him desperately.

I lost my beloved mum on the 24th July. I really miss her and feel so sad but at the same time numb.

I am distressed that I can’t seem to pray for her. I always pray when something is on my mind. She was buried abroad so it’s been a few weeks since I visited her.

I love and miss her so much but I’m glad that in the end her death was quick and she didn’t suffer. I’ve already cleared out her clothes, I felt I had to. I kept some. I have lots of her things. I wish I could see or touch her hands again.

May I join... so sorry for everyones loss - recent or otherwise... Lost my wonderful daddy a week last Sunday... Funeral & Taoist Blessing tomorrow - utterly heartbroken...

Oh my goodness, how sad that in just a day there are so many more grieving people.
Firstly I am so sorry for all if your losses.
Nat it seems that now you have come out of the numb period , you are now experiencing the terrible realisation that yes, your dad has gone and all that that entails. But on the other hand it could be seen as a sign that you now have acceptance and will slowly start to heal. 💐
TellySavalos that is very sad and I'm sure for a while you are going to feel quite lost not to be doing any caring. In the future maybe you can find a hobby or volunteering to help fill some of the space.
Your reluctance to go to sleep, I have no clue about. But if it's a fear of some kind, nothing is going to happen and although you maybe don't feel like it, your mind and body needs to rest 💐
The Ateam. I too have lots of my mums stuff, some of it quite ridiculous, but I could not and still can't throw her stuff away. When I am ready I will and I expect you will too, there is no rush, it is still very early days for you, grief follows it's own path and it's different for us all, some people can cope quite well , while others ( me ) fall to bits and it takes a while. I get the longing just to touch once more. I too would like one more chance for that. 💐
Mother87. So sorry for your recent loss. It sucks dosent it. I do hope that the funeral and your Taoist blessing goes well. Who will do the blessing ? 💐
So sorry for everyone that is / has gone through this devastating time, but hopefully we can all support each other.

Thanks mummylin... we have a monk from the local Chinese Temple coming to do all the blessings... and a Sifu (sort of Master of Ceremonies) to guide us thru the service...Quite a lot for me/DD25 to do, which has kept us busy... She's prepared all the angpau (envelopes) with various tokens/symbols dispelling bad/bringing good... i've cooked rice/will take jasmine tea for the service (Dad was never quite happy with the way I cooked his rice🤦🏻‍♀️) ... and we're going to the Chapel of Rest to see him tonight... even the undertaker said what a handsome man he is⛩ I know life goes on... but...

Mungo... all i can say is that i feel your heartache and every teardrop... i see women walking around - and I wonder if they've got their daddys... and if not, like me - how the hell are they going to 'manage'... and my dad was 89 and i'm in my 6th decade but I feel about 8 years old!! He was so so fit/healthy 'vital' handsome quirky - so THERE... (well not healthy underneath as he had terminal cancer but we didn't know and then he was gone) so he was ill for a few short weeks) he was driving/cooking/fixing things around my house just last month... and I saw him/DM almost every day/twice a day - now what??? Sorry am NOT actually helping am i

Mother87 the service and blessings that you have arranged sound wonderful and a great tribute to your dear dad. I am going to read up on this subject.
What do you do with the envelopes ? It really does sound so interesting.
I hope you will be ok tonight when you go to visit your dad and it will put your mind at rest when you see he is at peace. Will think of you tomorrow.