Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

psychoticbeetroot

I'm so sorry that you have lost your dear dad.
Nature is being kind to you at the moment by putting you in that haze so that you can cope with the practical things you will need to attend to.

My dad died some years ago on a Tuesday at 10.05 p.m. I sat with him with my sister from the Monday until he died so your post struck a particular chord with me.

I still miss my dad now and think I always will but I have lots of lovely memories of him that spring to mind unexpectedly and help me through.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite yes I wasn't allowed to grieve at the time, for my own father, because I was constantly told that I wasn't part of his family, by my uncle. My uncle and aunt will have to look back on what they did. I am free of them now.

I am grieving now for him. I was his daughter, and I am allowed to grieve for him.

Yes there are some very cruel families around. I will never have to see that uncle or aunt of mine again, thankfully.

I loved my dad, and he loved me - I know that.

Thank you for the kind words. Love to everyone on here grieving. It is nice to remember people

I am also going to get counselling for grief from suicide

Can I join? I lost my mum 6 months ago to dementia and today I found my poor dad dead at his house. He was so fit and healthy (so I thought) and I'm in complete shock. He is having a post mortem, best guess was a massive heart attack. I will know more soon. I was their only child and I feel completely lost now.

Hi Vix20678. I also lost my mum to dementia and my dad very suddenly - I was with him the day before and he was right as rain - the next day, gone. It was a heart attack.

I'm also an only.

I miss them both so much even though it was two years ago now. But the cliche is true, it will become more bearable. Happy to chat if you want.

@DottieLottie1. It's shocking isn't it? When you realise it's real. And for ever. Sending you a handhold - the first few weeks are so hard

Vix20678

I am so sorry for your loss. To lose both parents within such a short time must be horrific for you.

I lost my dad 9 years ago and I found my mum dead at the end of January. I thought she was fit and healthy too. She wasn't on any medication, would dig her garden continuously and went out for hours every day. She'd been dead for a few days when I found her. It was her funeral today.

It's been such a surreal time and waiting for a post mortem then over a month for a funeral has been awful. I can understand your total shock. My mum had a post mortem, thankfully just a CT post mortem which showed Ischaemic Heart Disease and Atherosclerosis. It's surprising she displayed no symptoms like shortness of breath. It is really hard to find a parent dead and have so many unanswered questions. Although I would have preferred to be with my mum when she died, it would have broken her heart to say goodbye to her children so I have to be glad she didn't have to do that.

I have my siblings but I feel completely lost now too. I think losing your second parent isn't just about losing that one, it's about becoming an orphan, no matter what your age is.

I really feel for you, being an only child. There are advantages and disadvantages though to having siblings.
I have turned into a complete worrywort precisely because I have siblings. It's made me realise we are now the oldest generation and, I know it's silly, but I'm so scared by the thought that I may have to lose my husband or siblings one day.

I hope you have wider family and friends to help you through this terribly sad time.

DottieLottie1
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum and to such an awful disease.

It is terrible to realise your loved ones are gone and gone forever. There are no words that can comfort you. You just have to live on your memories to get you through the terrible grief.

If was my mum's funeral today. We had a wonderful Celebrant conduct the service and she talked of grief just being love with nowhere to go. That thought has helped me.

Sending you my sympathy and strength to get you through this sad, sad time.

Four weeks ago tonight, sounds such a short time but it feels like forever since I saw my mum. Everything is surreal, did she really exist? Had a really bad afternoon and evening tonight. This gone forever thing is just brutal.

God, I miss her.

I don't know how I feel about picking up her ashes from the funeral director. That was a curve ball I hadn't thought of. They phoned just to check how I was and if everything had gone okay. I asked and they said yes, we have your mum's remains here, but there's no rush to pick them up, just whenever you're ready. Part of me feels I may find some comfort in having her back home again, she hadn't been here for four and a half months. But to actually have my mum reduced to the contents of an urn (albeit a pretty one)... I just don't know.

I just can't comprehend it all yet. At all. I know everyone says it does get easier with time, a lot of time, and I know there's no way out of this other than to go through it, but it's utter hell. The loss of the person I loved more than anyone and who loved me more than anyone else does is just So. Damned. Hard.

@NotEverythingIsBkackandwhite thank you for your kind words.

I'm sorry for your loss and glad your DM was given a beautiful send off.

Love nowhere to go, I will remember that one!

Boy, it's hard though but in time we can all get there.

Best wishes all.

Sorry typo!

@NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite

Inca14

I'm so sorry that you have lost your mum.
I agree about everything being surreal. I am crushed that I can't remember what my mum's voice sounded like right now and I'm desperate to hear it.

I said to my DH that my mum is dead but I don't think he gets that I mean she is really dead. I just can't explain that kick in the gut you get when it really hits home.

We really are gone in the blink of an eye and rationally I know that but it still shocks me every time I lose someone. I just really don't want to lose anyone else ever.

Sending sympathy and hugs to all of you who are suffering from the loss of a parent. It's bloody hard to take.

Hugs to all of you finding it so tough... I understand the disbelief... We lost dad 6 months ago & DM and I keep saying to each other that we really can't believe it... how long does it take?? I go to sleep and wake up and walk past his favourite chair at my house and talk to him and his photos... And find it almost IMPOSSIBLE to accept/believe that this is it... for the rest of MY life - this is it - no dad. It's so so painful - and I suppose I can't believe that i'll ever feel better/different/get used to it... thank you again mummylin for starting this thread, I'm still hanging around...

Lost my Mum to cancer on Saturday evening.
Still keep thinking she's about, it's a bit shit really.
We weren't close, and she frustrated me in a lot of ways, but I'll miss her... not being there...
Went into work yesterday, hardly anyone said "sorry about your Mum" - I think my boss asked everyone to just be normal, and I honestly don't want to talk about it, but still FFS it would have been nice to have acknowledged my Mum lived.
I thought we had loads of time, but in the end we had very little.
So... time to get up now, face the day, am hoping we can register the death today and then subsequently funeral arrangements. My Brother is due back to the States on Sunday, so really really want to get everything arranged whilst he's here. Am hoping please that he'll be able to return for the funeral.
Sorry to all going through this.

Mother87 it is lovely to see how supportive of each you all are. I do read the thread And keep my eye on it to make sure it's not due to finish. I have had stuff at home going on with dh but all is well now and he is back at work.
Sorry to see that you are still finding things very difficult, but six months isn't really very long after such a devastating event in your life. I promise you will at some point feel a lot better than you do now, it just takes time, how much time varies for everyone. The sadness will always be there but not the awful gut wrenching pain you get at the beginning. Take care.
So sorry for all the recent posters, hope this thread helps you all 💐

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a parent.

I lost my mother last September and I'm still finding it so hard and my heart continues to ache. I just can't believe she's really gone - that I'm never going to see her, touch her or kiss her ever again.

Lovely to know that you're still watching over us mummylin - you've helped me through the darkest and saddest of times... x

Sally99 - sorry for the loss of your mother... We lost daddy in September too - it feels like no time at all, but it's half a year isn't it. Still seems unreal - a 'shock' every day that he's actually gone. The loss feels like it defines everything I say/do/think about - I guess it won't always be like this for all of us. Simple logic (in my case) tells me that I loved him and had him for over 50 years of my life, so being without him was never going to be an easy thing to get used to - if ever. Sending a hug - to all of you going through different stages of these tough times

My mum died less than 5 weeks ago and this afternoon, through sobs, I bought her a Mother’s Day card. Please tell me this isn’t weird and others do it too.

inca put your Mother's Day card up by a photo of your mum. There is nothing wrong with doing that and the sentiment of that is touching. 💐

I u

It isn't at all weird to buy a Mothers' Day card. The Gardens of Remembrance are a sight to behold on Mothers' and Fathers' Days with flowers and cards.

I always buy Birthday, Fathers' Day and Christmas cards for my deceased father and for my in-laws. Sadly, this weekend it will be the first time I will be buying one for my Mum since she died. It was her funeral last week.

OldSpeclkledHen
I'm so sorry your colleagues didn't acknowledge your Mum's death (and therefore her life). People often don't know what to say when someone has died and end up saying nothing which is what not to do.

If people don't know what to say I'd rather they said precisely that. Some acknowledgement is needed to help the bereaved.

I hope that your brother is able to return for the funeral and so that you can support each other through your loss.

Everyone's relationship with their parents is different. You may not have been close and your mum may have frustrated you but you will still feel her loss. You might grieve that you weren't closer or you might feel guilt at being frustrated by her....or you might not. Just be kind to yourself and accept however you feel to get through this sad time.

My mum's funeral was last week and I kiss her photo on the front of the Order of Service every day.

A relative has sent me old photos that I've never seen before and she is so beautiful and I just want to tell her how beautiful she is but she's not here.

Don't put off saying things to or doing things with your parents. They are gone in the blink of an eye.

I've just collected my mum's ashes and do feel strangely comforted by having them. I feel like I have my mum home. They are going to be scattered but we haven't yet decided when. I thought of Mothers' Day but I'm really not sure (I have other siblings to consult with too).

Lost my dad yesterday to motor neurone disease. It feels incredibly strange in these weird times to have lost a parent along with everything else that is going on.

I'm glad in a way that he didn't have to face getting this virus or having to self isolate on his own.

I'm wondering how all the practicalities will be affected by the virus and restrictions on gatherings