Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

This new thread may help those whose comps have a problem with long threads.
I hope this thread can be as supportive as the last one. It is so uplifting to see the support everyone gives to each other when they most need it.💐

Thanks for new thread. Six weeks tomorrow since my wonderful father died, and have been coping well until now. Today as I walked to work I just started to feel the earthquake.

You will very often have tines when something all of a sudden sends you into terrible sadness, could be a song, a special item that your dad loved. The only thing I can say is, thank god we at least have memories.
It s very early stages for you and it is weird how we seem to cope well, then something upsets us all over again.
But it does get better in time, the tears begin to dry up , you find moments of pleasure in life again. And the times of sadness grow longer between them. You can't rush the process so I would just take each day as it comes. 💐

Good morning everyone, just popping on to see how everyone is doing at the moment. Hopefully little steps can be made for all of you, even though I know how difficult this is. The future will be brighter than it is now. 💐

My dads death is with the coroner, the ending for him was heartbreaking for him and everyone and it was such a shock. Although it was 3 weeks ago, today was the first day I’ve felt I haven’t had to put a fake smile on for my children which made me feel bad. But the feeling in my stomach never leaves, sometimes it’s just a sense sometimes it’s overwhelming it’s strange to describe.

I’ve been so busy keeping my mum afloat and my brother isn’t handling everything well so a lot of the practicalities have been left too me and I feel angry at him for that. I have a 10 week old and 2 year old and don’t feel like I’ve had a moment since his death to digest it all, I’m either in looking after mum mode or being mum mode. I just want to shut the door on everything for a day and just wallow I just miss him so much.

Please may I join? My Dad died very early on Saturday morning. I loved him very much. Usually, I post on the Stately Homes thread (tricky family dynamics) and I know everyone on there would be supportive but this is different somehow. I just miss my Dad.

Hi everyone, I lost my beloved dad this Monday. It was expected so I am shocked at how utterly heartbroken I feel. I would love to join your thread if I may x

Of course you can all join this thread, it is for everyone who needs a bit of support.
This is one of the most devastating times of your lives and until people have to face it, they have no idea how truly awful it is.
I lost my mum nearly 8 yrs ago, and now and again, I feel exactly as I did the first few awful days, so I really sympathise with you all.
The thing is, which I have now experienced is that despite your utter heartbreak at the moment , things do get better eventually.
You will all gradually have longer gaps between the terrible bouts of sadness and tears.
But of course , for you all it is very early days and my advice to you all, is just get through one day at a time. Don't think about the days and weeks ahead too much, it will destroy you.
Small steps will help. Accept help from your friends and family if it's offered, most people will want to help but not know how.
If you feel it's too much effort to cook a meal and a friend has asked what they can do , say you appreciate a meal that you don't have to prepare, things like that.
I am sorry you have all had to join us, but if we can help , even if you want a moan about anything, we will be here for you all.
💐💐💐

Thanks Mummylin that's so nice to hear. Right now I feel like my heart is breaking, I've never known anything like this. My dad was the most wonderful funny man I've ever known and I know I'm going to miss him every day of my life. He had terminal cancer and I feel just horrible as I just don't know if I did enough to support him

Do not start questioning yourself. I'm quite sure you did what it was possible for you to do, and your dear dad valued the support you gave him.
I understand how upset you are, and the hours rriboe feeling that things will never get better. As I said eventually they do get better and you will smile again, but your life has now changed and cannot go back to how it was. So in a way , you partly have to get used to little changes in your life. But I promise you will be ok. Obviously everyone has different situations and some people can recover in a reasonable time, for others it can take a lot longer. Neither is right or wrong, it just is as it is.
I hope you have a good group of friends and supportive family, this is the time you really need them. 💐

Thinking of you @JoanieCash @emmaluggs @SingingLily @Mungomango at this raw and utterly bewildering stage of grief. @Mummylin describes so eloquently how you find yourself navigating this new world that feels so wrong. I’m 7 months in from losing my lovely dad. I still can’t quite believe he’s gone, but all I can say for you at this early stage is you do/will cope - better than you can possibly imagine at this time. Just take each hour and day as it comes.

@Nankles @Mummylin thank you so much for your replies. I feel so lost right now, it's so nice to get support. I know logically it will get better at some point but right now I can't believe how much this hurts. My mum seems to be in complete denial. I know everyone goes through grief in different ways so I don't know how I should help her. Anyone got any advice?

@Mungomango I’ve helped my mum by just being there, I think denial is pretty normal reaction I know my mum was, I remember 2 hours after he died I was at her house and all she wanted to do was clean for visitors. I was reading something about grief and you just have to let it happen to you you have to let it’s take it’s course

You're right @emmaluggs I don't think there's anything I can do but just be there for her when it hits

Exactly me and mum went to dads favourite cafe today which was emotional, and she got upset and started to talk about dad, I just listened and said the ‘right’ things. She admitted she wanted to get counselling when in a better place - which I agreed with. It’s hard for us loosing a parent, but I always view my mums grief as more profound than mine, as her whole world has changed. I’ve helped her with practical things in the beginning, but even just 3 weeks later she’s beginning to take the lead on things, I have no doubt that i’ll be needed again as there are good and bad days.

Remember to try and take time out for your grief too

You sound like a lovely daughter and I'm sure your mum appreciates you being there. How are you coping?

I agree with grief taking its course, it's not something we have control over really. But in order to heal we have to do the grieving first. It's all so awful. And I have to tell you that I have several big plastic containers filled with my mums stuff, I cannot throw it away. Nor sort it out. It is impossible.
For the first couple of weeks I had a real physical pain in my heart and it seemed that my legs would not work properly, I think it was shock ( unexpected death )
Anyway I think the best way to help your mum Mun is just to be there for her and each other. Especially when she needs a hug or indeed even when you do. She May want to chat, she may want to just sit and think silently. But still want your company💐

I lost my mum in a car accident three years ago this month. She was 69 and blameless. I think I feel angrier now than I ever did. My DF had already died year s ago aged 54. I feel hard done by and hate this time of year..
So sorry for everyone else's situations too.

So sorry cpt obviously this month is going to be a tough time for you. I can quite understand your anger, I would be angry too, that I had lost my mum through other people's actions. It seems so unfair. 🌺

@Mungomango bless you, that sense of feeling untethered and at a loss over how to help your other parent is how I felt and still do. I’m no expert but I found early on that absolutely nothing I said or did could ease my mum’s grief. All you can do is be there to provide some emotional support - and hopefully that’s mutual as you are both dealing with a huge loss.

My beloved mum died in the early hours this morning. Never known my father. I'm bereft. I just don't know what to do with myself.
I'm trying not to think, trying to stay numb. Like if I don’t think about it, it won’t be true. I just can’t believe I’ll never speak to her again, never tell her all the little things. Despite my own family here with me, and all the busyness of life, I think I’ll just feel lonely without her.

I'm offering hand holds and hugs to everyone else going through this sadness and pain.

@emmaluggs reading what you wrote really resonates. The surviving parent undoubtedly does have the biggest load to bear in how their day to day life - and future - has fundamentally changed (and I still search my brain for the ‘right’ response to mum’s conversations about dad) just make sure you have space to deal with your own grief too.

@WLmum I’m so very sorry. My heart goes out to you. Big hug and a handhold back.

Thank you nanckles. I spent a lot of time of mn over the last couple of weeks while dm died. I sat by her almost 24/7. Posters have been so kind and supportive.

And to you @cptartapp - I can’t imagine the grief of processing the loss of both parents, especially the shock and anger that comes with the passing of your mum.

@WLmum so sorry for your loss, the first few days are so so difficult I remember not feeling how I would go on, it’s been a mere 3 weeks since my dad passed but today was the first day I could put on a genuine smile for my little ones, I’m sure tomorrow will be different but i’ll Take that for today.

@Mungomango thank you, I’m doing ok, trying to make sense of my dads passing his death was referred to coroner so I don’t have many answers which I’m itching for to have a better understanding. My brother is not coping well and I don’t feel I’ve had much time to grieve, I want to take some time out this weekend though. I’m going to write a letter to my dad this weekend for the things I wish I had time to say, and leave in his casket. How do you feel you are doing?