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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

987 replies

Mummylin · 02/01/2019 12:10

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

OP posts:

ssd · 05/01/2019 22:58

mymmylin they are nearly 18 and 21!!!!!

Original poster

Mummylin · 05/01/2019 23:01

Thankfully ssd we did get out of the really bad times. But I'm sure that talking to all of you helped so much.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummylin · 05/01/2019 23:03

Oh good god, I cant believe it ! So adults already now. Where has the time gone.

OP posts:

supermariossister · 05/01/2019 23:06

Yep ds is 11 and in his first year of high school 😱

Original poster

Mummylin · 05/01/2019 23:13

Crikey sms he was so young when you first came on here. Prob about 5 or 6 I guess. Whatever happened to your mums dh. I know he moved.

OP posts:

supermariossister · 06/01/2019 01:09

Yep he was 5 when mum passed away, time does fly...

Mums dh moved yep, far as I know he's still working all the hours going. I speak to him occasionally on whatsapp, he seems to have thrown himself back into working and is doing really well for himself in that respect as home manager. I have another nephew and niece from my brother and sister,my niece was born on Christmas day 2017 so she has just turned one.

How about you, dh? Ds and gchildren :)

Hello1290 · 06/01/2019 04:52

My beautiful mum died before Christmas and her funeral was last week. Reading through this thread has been comforting it's helps to have found a place where people understand. How did people cope with returning to work was it better to get back as soon as possible. I'm due back this week and dreading it but at the same time feel I need to get back into routine.

moonlight1705 · 06/01/2019 07:57

I really didn't want to be writing this but my darling mum died last night.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with her first grandchild who she'll not get to meet now. My dad and siblings are in bits but my husband has been a complete rock for me.

I don't know what else to say, still in shock perhaps.

HeronLanyon · 06/01/2019 08:18

I am so sorry moonlight and hello. Hugs

foxyknoxy30 · 06/01/2019 09:47

Hey moonlight my lovely mum passed away on Friday ,she had been ill for a few months with various conditions but we honestly didn't think this would be the outcome.I know you have the extra heartbreak of knowing she will never meet your baby but your wee one will be your saviour that will eventually bring you some sort of acceptance. I am in shock too but at the same time heartbroken I find myself trying to do stuff like the washing and then it punches me and I am in hysterics.I have two lovely children aged 12 and 15 who my mum adored ,adored she told me near the end they we her reason to fight so for her sake I know they will be my saviour?my husband had also been fantastic and I would be lost without him.My brother and I will start funeral arrangements tomorrow as it's seems worse because she died just before the weekend. You feel so alone but when you read this thread you take comfort that you are not the only one thank you .

MyGuideJools · 06/01/2019 10:14

moonlight so sorry for your loss, especially poignant as you are carrying her grandchild, but that baby will keep you going and will have part of your mum with him or her. I can't start to imagine how you all feel, take one day at a time
Hello1290 I found it very difficult going back to work as I work in the same hospital where my dad died.He died in September and I didn't go back until the end of Oct.
Work were brilliant and I had a lot of support, still do actually, I'm lucky.
But once I was back it was good to be among friends and to be busy with other people's problems (nurse) rather than my own.
I do think it's a very individual thing tho, some people need to get back to work straight away to have a focus. There's no right or wrong

Original poster

Mummylin · 06/01/2019 14:48

Hello Moonlight so very sorry you have to be on this thread. I would think at this moment your head is all over the place. And being so far along into your pregnancy it is a lot to cope with.
Yes I think you are probably right and you are in shock, it is so hard to take in , when really it's only hours ago.
I am glad to see that you have a supportive dh and I hope your friends will be there for you too.
But in amongst the terrible upset , there is joy coming to you very soon, remember your baby has your mums genes, so part of her will always be here.
We are here if you want to chat about anything at all. Take care of yourself 💐

OP posts:

spiderlight · 06/01/2019 16:49

Oh moonlight, I am so sorry.

moonlight1705 · 06/01/2019 17:27

Thanks all and sorry for your loss to foxy

I've told a few friends now and am back at home trying to rest before this upcoming week. My parents live(d) only an hour drive so will pop down for a day mid week to help with funeral arrangements and sorting out her clothes.

I'm hoping the funeral can happen quickly otherwise I may go into labour on the day or something. My lovely PIL have offered to drive me down so I don't have to take a risk with driving.

foxyknoxy30 · 06/01/2019 17:36

It's raining here tonight and my first thought was my lovely mum will never feel the rain again

Lovemycat1 · 06/01/2019 18:21

Sorry for all your losses, Hello my Beautiful Mum also died before Christmas and funeral was last week too. I am due back to work tomorrow after the Christmas hols, but also went back for three days before the holidays. Every one at work was very lovely. It was good to be back but very tiring too, so I’d plan on some early nights. 💐 to you.

Hello1290 · 06/01/2019 19:17

So sorry Moonlight and Foxy. Thank you everyone for your kind words.

phoebs88 · 06/01/2019 19:44

Hello. My dad passed away before Christmas, he'd been ill for a few weeks. Funeral this coming Friday - it feels like it has been an age coming, but also like it has come round too quickly. I've written the tribute and really hoping to give it at the service but I seem to be becoming more tearful as time goes on...

I'm so sorry for everyone who is going through something similar at the moment. I hope everyone has lots of loving support in real life.

Iggiontheedge · 06/01/2019 23:36

Sorry for your loss Phoebs and I do think you will find it good to have the funeral behind you rather than ahead of you. Is there someone who can step in to read if you don’t feel up to it?
It’s normal where I’m from to hold funerals very quickly - so three days after the death for both my father and mother (many years between them though!) you have barely accepted that they are gone by then.

spiderlight · 07/01/2019 10:44

So sorry for your loss, phoebs

DS and DH have gone back to school/work today. I work from home and am sitting here on my own feeling like everything has gone back to 'normal' but that nothing will ever be normal again. It all feels too soon. I'm also breaking my heart because our very elderly dog has stopped eating - he's done this a few times recently and he has no weight left to lose. He's going to the vet tomorrow and I'm terrified that he won't be coming home. I cannot lose my beloved boy - it's just unthinkable.

phoebs88 · 07/01/2019 13:19

Thanks Iggi and spider.

3 days is so quick! Unfortunately we had delays getting the death cert sorted, and then with Christmas and new year in the way, and with the funeral directors being so busy, this week was the first week we could hold the funeral.

I thought I might be feeling more together by now but definitely not! I think my time of the month is due on the day of the funeral as well, so extra emotions to deal with... my husband or the vicar herself will read the tribute if I feel I can't - or rescue me if needs be.

So sorry to hear about your dog spider, I hope things improve.

I'm currently trying to find something to wear for the funeral - one minute I really don't care what I look like, but then the next I want to look as nice as I can. Very strange emotions.

spiderlight · 07/01/2019 15:04

Wear something you feel comfortable and confident in, I'd say. I became slightly obsessed with what shoes to wear (ended up buying two pairs, neither of which I really like), but thought I knew exactly what outfit I'd wear and couldn't face trying it on beforehand, and then the skirt was too long and the blouse didn't quite go and I felt self-conscious and uncomfortable and kept my coat on most of the day. Not that it actually matters because I'm sure nobody took a blind bit of notice and I couldn't tell you what anyone else was wearing, but it's important that you're comfortable.

MyGuideJools · 07/01/2019 15:31

spider

Peonylass · 07/01/2019 20:33

Thanks for the replies. My sister is helping with the funeral but it's just me dealing with the estate. I am terrified of mucking it up.

HeronLanyon · 07/01/2019 20:40

Good luck peonylass. I have instructed ansolicitor as my mums estate is a bit complex and I think he has already saved us more then his fee by suggesting something and by knowing various things. From why I’ve heard if an estate is straightforward the firms are pretty easy and it is hard to mess it up. I’ve also today been ringing the council and utilities and pensions etc and without exception I’ve found the bereavement advisors really good - best customer service I’ve ever come across. Good luck.

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