Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent

[Mummylin]

Here we are on a new thread for a new year.
Hopefully we can bring some comfort to those who are mourning their Mum / Dad.

Bad day. Awful news from the vet this morning about our beloved dog, and came home to a letter with a massive long questionnaire about my dad's death from a pension company and a chirpy little email asking me to review our funeral director. Supposed to be working but can't stop crying.

So sorry you've had bad news about your dog @spiderlight

Oh spider it doesn't seem to get easier does it.

My dad is currently doing all the arrangements and the funeral looks like it will be in two weeks....I'll be 39 weeks then so hoping no early labour. I'm going down tomorrow to help choose my mums outfit and start to sort out bits.

Has anyone else done a eulogy? My dad and I are going to speak at the funeral and I'm just collecting together little stories of my mum and her family time with us all.

@moonlight1705 I've written one for my dad's funeral on Friday. I think starting with little stories and memories is a good way to go about it. See what themes come out of it and take it from there.

I'd recommend having someone else take a look over it as well.

I'm very nervous for Friday but hoping I can keep it together for long enough to read it.

Moonlight and phoes really good luck with the eulogy. It’s one of the very most lovely things to do in front of people who will be so amazed and forgiving if you do show emotion. Agree fully if you can find the funny stories, the lovely memories it bouys everyone (inc you) up a bit. And there is nothing more lovely than laughter at a funeral if that is possible. Speak slowly. Know you can do no wrong. Hugs.
Souderlight so sorry about you dog. That’s tough on top of everything else.
My mas memorial is pretty much sorted out - big and complex and I am so glad I can actually see it happening now. All the big work done. Now have some space to try to get back some normality by being back at work and try to comprehend reality that my lovely manand best friend died end of November. Feels I haven’t had a moment to mourn her quietly. Hugs all.

Glad you've got things sorted Heron. Being busy can be both a blessing and a curse I find. Hugs right back for you.

I'm trying to write something for the card for the funeral flowers. Everything I write down seems so...rubbish.

It's a month since mum died today. I feel like it's only now that the tears are starting to flow. Everything I want to say is a cliche, like, I miss her so much, I can't believe I won't see her again...but they're all true.
I hope everyone else is managing ok.

Also sorry for another loss for you spider x and moonlight yes I did a eulogy. I'm so glad I did x

do sorry spider That's sad.

I have great respect for those of you doing a eulogy. I so so wanted to speak at my dad's service but I knew I wouldn't be able to get a word out. So brave

lovelymonkey I remember those early weeks, I used to say to DH 'where is dad how can he just be gone' I missed him so much I just couldn't get my head around the suddeness of it all. It helped me putting a couple of photos around the house but I know that's not for everyone

I couldn't have read a eulogy at my dad's funeral. DS needed me and I would just have got up there and sobbed and sobbed. The minister did it far better than I could have. Hats off to those of you who've done it though.

Reading out the eulogy isn't the key though, it's the words. Of course it's often too difficult to speak at the funeral. Our celebrant gave me the option to opt out at the last second if needed and he would read on my behalf and it helped not having the pressure on if I couldn't manage.

Hi looking for a bit of advice my mum's funeral next Thursday and we requested to put my mum in her own clothes.My mum had simple tastes in clothes so am thinking the jumper I bought her for Christmas, that she never got to open and some smart trousers ?would I also supply shoes sorry have absolutely no experience of doing this just want to do right by my lovely mum.thank you.Thoughts to everyone missing their loved one .

We sorted an outfit yesterday and haven't put in shoes but then again her feet were so swollen that only ugly shoes fitted her in the last couple of months.
I put in a pair of really cool socks that I had bought her for Christmas that went over her feet as well as a pair of nice black trousers and a sparkly top.

I'm collecting stories from my family for the eulogy and its amazing what different things that each of my siblings remember about our mum. Turns out that she really didn't like posing for the camera so there are very few photos where she is a) alone and b) smiling.

One tip for anyone reading at a funeral. I was worried about going to pieces when I spoke, so I arranged to go up early in the service. We split the eulogy in three and each sibling did a shorter one.

This meant that I still did a eulogy straight after the welcome, but was able to listen to the rest of the funeral service. Hope that helps.

Foxy - the outfit you are thinking for your mum sounds absolutely fine. When DM died we were told to also bring shoes or slippers.

Foxy - the outfit sounds perfect. I supplied similar for my mum as I wanted her to wear the jumper she’d been given for Christmas. I didn’t want her feet to get cold so I sent in some ‘pop socks’ and a pair of slippers. The funeral director did say that the slippers would be disposed of before the funeral though.

Foxy I was also asked to take in " undergarments" as they phrased it for my mum. The outfit you have picked sounds lovely.
It is such a depressing time of the year for anyone, yet alone anybody who has lost someone.
Do please all look after yourselves, you have been / going through a massive change in your lives and your immune system may be a bit run down so you will be liable to colds etc. 💐

Do you know , I can't remember taking in any shoes ! I know I took her socks, but not shoes.

Thank you for all your help it means a lot ,just also thinking my mum's feet were also extremely swollen so I might just pop in some socks the idea of them struggling with mum to put something on well it's just another thing to break my heart over. Meeting the minister tomorrow with my dad and brother to start composing the eulogy, my dad is in a home with parkinsons so want him to be included as much as possible. Hard today just think it's beginning to hit my mum is gone and I constantly feel exhausted is that normal?dread going to sleep in case I dream of mum.

Foxy yes exhaustion is really normal. Mental and physical. Funnily enough right after my ma died end of nov I started sleeping really soundly for first time in years. My brain must have just found it a relief to switch off the grief and all of the things to sort etc. Then I spent whole day exhausted - had bronchitis for 6 weeks and two lots of anti bs before it finally shifted. Generally run down. It’s so important to do what we can to eat and drink and rest. Grief really does take a toll !
Hugs to all.
Btw my dad was going to have an open casket (in the us) and we chose clothing really carefully. Day before funeral we all had change of mind but were glad we had been so careful and we chose clothes he was comfy in and which those who might have viewed him would have recognised him in. Really would have loved to have him in his bike leathers - he drove his bike into his 80s out into the wide open country in Wyoming. We didn’t though. My step mum would have had a fit ( never didnlike that bike). Memories !!
Hugs all it is so tough. Xx

I'm glad the exhaustion/constant dreams/catching everything going is normal. I feel shattered (and look it) and when I do sleep have endless tiring dreams. I collected mums ashes today, it felt utterly unreal

In 7years I have only had two dreams with my mum in them. She didn't even speak, she was just there. I would love to dream about her. I do remember it felt real at the time.
This is such horrible time for all you new posters, your worlds have been turned upside down for a while.
It helps if you have a good friend or close family to talk to. Or just to give you a hug. I think my initial first few weeks I did nothing but cry. But thanks to others , although slow, very slow things did get more bearable. You will all reach this point eventually, but it does take quite a while. Thinking of you all. 💐

Back at work this week and today someone asked me about Christmas, saying it must have seemed very different for me. No one else ever acknowledges this at work, and I was really touched. Nice change from talking about how great it was - and it was great in some ways but awful in others.

That was lovely of someone to care enough to ask you. There are so many people who don't seem to have any empathy at all. Glad it gave you a little lift 💐

Thanks Mummylin. Hope you had an ok time yourself and take care.