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Bereavement

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found my mum dead

420 replies

Tortington · 28/05/2007 06:32

came up to oldham and found my mum daed. there for at least a couple of weeks. house a state. i just looked through the window my son andhis GF were with us.

we ere in a crash on friday coming up - the poor GF has had her fill.

i had to give my BIL money for air frsheners. the police went in with masks.

the wholething is just horrific. as an only child its all down to me. and i can't seem to read simple documents. BH weekend isn't helping. mum had money in lots of different accounts, i can't find her funeral policy and she told me she had one. she has shares for fucks sake.

never sent my kids a birthday card. she set up 3 accounts un beknownst to me and had been putting money in. so that did mi head in, bibbin all o'er place, nothing is sinking in.

my dh has to come up and bring the kids, he's neer driven on a motorway and my car is a bit knacked.

i am relying on people to put me up and although i wouldn'rt rather be anywhere else in the world than at my cousins, she has two small children and no matter how many times they say it doesn't matter and don't worry i must be in the way. but my cous and my BIL have been good.

there is lots of fincancial stuff to sort out.

no doubt i'll be asking you.

the terrible thing when there is ( relatively) a sum of money to be had, nice people suddenly get nasty. we will see.

my in laws are being very helpful and have moved the bed outside and done horrible things to save me from facing them. but my dh is going to come up and at that point i think i will be coming back to you as a body of opinion - not emotionally, family or financially swayed.

i am living in a house with a four year old and a toddler.

OP posts:
Slacker · 28/05/2007 11:07

Oh God what an awful thing to happen, I'm so sorry.

I found my dad in similar circumstances years ago, I can't second strongly enough the advice to get professional cleaners in. I wish you strength in dealing with it all

fireflyfairy2 · 28/05/2007 11:11

Sympathies Custy, it's never easy losing a parent, no matter how close you were.

Thinking of you.

FrannyandZooey · 28/05/2007 11:12

Custy so sorry to hear this

wishing you strength

xx

Speccy · 28/05/2007 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DimpledThighs · 28/05/2007 11:18

oh custy this is just awful - I had not seen you post for a while and now I know why. How terrible for you and your family. I hope you are managing to find support and stuff. Any chance you could get a night away in a b&b somewhere for a bit of space so you can gather your thoughts and stuff?

Any help and advice you need ask on here.

Very best wishes.

Dimpled

littlelapin · 28/05/2007 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hunkermunker · 28/05/2007 11:23

Custy, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you x x x

anorak · 28/05/2007 11:28

OMG custy what a nightmare!

Don't forget I live right on the jct of M25 and M1 if you need a stopping off point at any time. That's for a cup of tea or a bed for the night or anything in between. xxx

MamaG · 28/05/2007 11:31

oh shit I'm so sorry, what an awful thing for you to have to go through.

I work in a law firm and have dealt with the aftermath of my Dad dying - if you get stuck wiht the practical side, please feel free to cat me.

So sorry.

AlistairSim · 28/05/2007 11:32

So sorry, custardo.

Will be thinking of you.

VerySensibleKbear · 28/05/2007 11:34

Just adding my condolences custy, sorry you've had such a shock. Lean on your family, that's what families are for and I'm sure you wouldn't hesitate to help your cousin if the tables were turned.

franch · 28/05/2007 11:35

I am so sorry custy

Nemo2007 · 28/05/2007 11:37

Awful news custy
thinking of you all

KristinaM · 28/05/2007 11:39

i have been in a similar situation with my step mother - found dead after a while etc. my sister and i had to sort it all out...thsi is how we coped.not telling you what to do, just what worked for us

focused totally on the pratictal issues - police, doctor, post mortem, legal things etc etc.did not allow myself the luxury of crying and getting upset about hwo awful it all was etc etc, thats takes too much emotional enerygy and I didnt have any. plenty time to do that after the funeral. tried not to have converastion with epople who neded me to be sympathetic with them as I couldnt , it just got me too upset

tried to delegate as much as possible, esepcailly teh phone calls to freinds and relatives to let them knwo what happened, funeral arragemnts ect

accept all offers of help, like your inlaws - sounds like they are all doing their best for you. if you need a lawyer get one, teh costs will coem out of teh estate

try not to worry about teh money - teh funeral etc cost a surprising amount of money and there are costs you wont have thought of. like if she gets any benefits etc they will ask for the money back after she died but befroe you found her etc ( i knwo its awful). there probably wont be much left

if your mother had any church connection, the minister/priest can be very helpful, they knwo about all teh legal stuff and arent easily shocked, free help and advice etc

sorry I dont knwo much about teh legal side as I don't live in england. but there are lots of mumsnetter who do so just ASK OK!!!

sorry about bad typing too many kids here

PinkMartini · 28/05/2007 11:40

Just another post from someone who does not know you but who wants you to know that she's thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
Sorry that sounds so trite.
Hope the next few weeks aren't too hideous.

robinpud · 28/05/2007 11:50

So sorry Custy- hope you get the help you need in rl and well as here

bosscat · 28/05/2007 11:51

oh my god custy how awful. thinking of you, and hoping the next couple of days are not too awful xx

TequilaMockinBird · 28/05/2007 11:52

So very sorry to hear this, my thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

chocoholic · 28/05/2007 11:59

I'm so sorry for your loss.
When sorting out my dads things I handed everything over to a solicitor as the easiest things were just beyond me. It probably didn't take them long to sort but it was the best money I spent as it took so much pressure off.
Thought it might be an idea anyway.

Lizzer · 28/05/2007 12:00

So sorry custardo, what an awful thing to happen. Don't worry about 'being in the way' - I'm sure your cousin only too glad to be of help. You need support right now don't feel bad about taking it

PersonalClown · 28/05/2007 12:06

Thinking of you and family Custy.
PC xx

Flame · 28/05/2007 12:08

Oh Custy!!! I have no idea what to say. You know we are all here for you in any way we can be

Dior · 28/05/2007 12:17

Message withdrawn

Mercy · 28/05/2007 12:36

OMG Custardo, I am so sorry to hear this, what a terrible shock for you

Carmenere · 28/05/2007 12:39

I am very sorry for your trouble Custy, I really feel for you xx

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