Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

lovely thanks for thoughts. Funeral was lovely and just as she wanted it. Felt comforting and a relief as Ma died in November - delays caused by autopsy - reaplyngood finally to have given her a send off. This sounds very positive - I know I will be up and down a lot over next weeks months years about losing her.
Really good wishes for your mums funeral next week. You will get through it. I hope it comforts you a little.

I'm facing two days alone - was supposed to be going to the in-laws for a big belated family Christmas with all DH's side of the family, but woke up this morning with the most awful migraine, couldn't keep my tablets down and would never have coped with a four-hour car journey, most of which is on horrible winding country roads. We waited and waited to see if it would ease off but it's just not shifting and I'd never have wanted to stop DS seeing all his cousins, so he and DH have just gone without me and the world suddenly feels like a very empty place. Normally if they go down without me I'd break up the time with an afternoon or two visiting my dad :(

Oh spider so sorry this has happened. Your dh and Dd will be back before you know it. I have found it’s been helpful for me (ma died 5 weeks ago) to have time on my own. Even though lonely it’s helped me go through some subconscious-type processing - plus sobbing can sometimes be easier when on own I have found. Hugs.

Ds not dd - interesting my autocorrect prefers dds.

If it’s days they will be gone any chance of you getting there later ?

Heron I have a long-term illness which means I've had to give up driving and the train journey is hideous (no direct route), so there's no way of me getting myself plus ancient dog down there under my own steam. I'll be OK though. I plan to take root on the sofa and watch all the crap Christmas TV DH and DS don't like.

Sorry to hear and goidnyou feel it will be ok. Slight warning re Christmas tv I found a few things caused unexpected difficulty either because of memories or portrayal of happiness everywhere etc. The new gloomy Agatha Christie might be ok

Yeah, in retrospect I probably shouldn't have started with 'Call the Midwife'...!

Oh yes that probably could have been better chosen ! I caught a bit of Mary Poppins by mistake a few days ago. Had to force myself to turn over (one of my fave films too). Was just too hard. I actually found football to be diverting and very ‘safe’. Not really much else. Hope you are doing ok.

For God's sake, don't watch Mama Mia 2. I did and was a sobbing mess on the sofa.

flaming may I be so bold as to say the clue may have been in the title?? I had to do last minute order of the great bbc series ‘Mum’ for my dp for my dsil. My dp was distraught when the penny dropped how inappropriate it was to have asked me to sort out. I actually laughed - and my dsil really wanted it and loved it.

Yeah I bought my mil her Xmas card from dh as usual, but didn’t have one to get for my own dm for the first time. I was ok in the shop but hated seeing it sitting in the house.

Iggieontheedge - that’s tough. I had unexpectedly, to write out a card for my mums coffin flowers. This when at funeral director last week. I actually kind of whimpered with the pain of it. Most difficult thing I’ve ever done - to write a card to her in those circs. Oh dear it’s tough isn’t it ?

Hello , I lost my mum 4 years ago , she had a very traumatic passing , my dad passed away just before xmas , i have been busy organising his funeral and only now have i had time to think .I feel cheated that i have lost both parents and my children have no grandparents , hate to admit this but i feel jealous of my friends who still have their parents with them , i dont like feeling this way. Sorry for the pity party i am just shocked at the person im becoming , Am hoping things will get better soon , however there is no time limit on grief is there ?

Porthtowanone. Not only is there no time limit but also no right or wrong. I completely understand your feelings of jealousy and ‘cheated’. That sounds pretty understandable in your circs. And even if it didn’t so what - we all grieve in the way we do.
You dad has passed away very recently. My dad died last year and my mum end of November. I am newlynfeeling pitiful feelings - no parents and alone type feelings (even though I am far from alone in real life but in my state as a child I feel it now both parents are gone).

Hugs to you.

porthtowanone so sorry for your loss. It's perfectly normal to feel angry, jealous, whatever you want to feel! It's 15 months since my dad died and I feel hard done by if I see someone his age on TV, full of beans and fighting fit. (Harry Rednap in the jungle recently)
As for writing cards, writing the card for my dads funeral flowers was the hardest thing I've ever done! I couldn't read any of them at his funeral or I would have been a right mess.

To those of you facing your first New Year's Eve for the first time, I remember how upset I was and so send you my sympathies. As the new year gets nearer, there is feeling that you are now going to have to say that you lost. your dear mum / dad last year. But although you may feel very down tonight I promise you that in the coming months you will start to pick up and you will have happier days in the future. Have the best evening you possibly can and I wish you all a better new year. Thanks for all the support shown on this thread. 💐

Thank you Mummylin Today has been hard. And yes, saying that my mum died last year is going to be weird as it still feels like yesterday . Thank you all for being here.

I am dreading exactly that. I don't like NYE at the best of times, but going into a new year without my dad is going to be awful :(

Hugs all. Tonight will be difficult. Hadn’t even thought that days after the funeral I will be saying my ma died ‘last year’ and have to walk home later into a New Year without her. Thanks for all lovely support everyone.

I remember the first NY so well. I just wanted to be alone and I sat and sobbed, then came onto this thread where most were feeling exactly like me. I had lost my mum 7 weeks before Christmas. The thing is not to look too far ahead, just cope with each day as it comes, in the coming months you will all have brighter days and will learn to cope better than you think. You won't feel like that now, but it will come. There will be longer gaps between being a sobbing wreck and you will find yourselves being able to raise a smile at things once again. It is a heartbreaking time at the moment but unless people have lost a parent others have no idea how awful it can be. None of you will ever forget, but it becomes easier to accept and that helps a lot.

Mum, I wish I could phone you at midnight as I used to. I remember how you would wait up for my call, then you would go to bed. You are deeply loved and missed. X

Thanks for keeping this thread going Mummylin. I was with my mum on NYE last year, so it is worse than Christmas I think for me. Distracting myself by booking a holiday back home (I’ve moved away) though not the same without her obviously.
to all feeling loss tonight x

Thank you Mummylin, was feeling a bit sorry for myself this evening with it being my first NYE since I lost my mum, your words are comforting x

I too found last night worse than Christmas. Mandied late Nov and it really hasn’t sunk in. Kept thinking ‘mum will love these photos’ (London fireworks) and ‘mum will have gone to bed so I won’t text her happy new year but phone her in the morning’ etc etc.
Few weeks ago at the funeral director discussing details I even thought ‘we can check that with mum’. It’s astounding how my brain hasn’t really absorbed the fact she’s died.
HNY and hugs to everyone and may this year bring some peace and acceptance to us all. Have found this thread really lovely and supportive. Thank you everyone and mummylin esp.

Hello All, so pleased I’ve found this thread. My wonderful Mum died very suddenly 3 weeks ago. Finding it all so hardto get on with normal everyday life again. I feel as though I’ve lost my best friend too, as she really was my best friend. We would chat on the phone most days and I would see her at least every other week.
Sending love to you all. X