Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

For all of you who have lost your mums, I am so sorry. It is truly shit. I came across the book, Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman, which is helping me quite a bit. The author lost her mother when she was just 17 but the books deals with all the ways losing your mother affects a woman's life. It might be a help to some of you too, since we are all now a part of this club that no one wants to be a member of. Hugs to all of you.

Hello Twatty I don't believe there is a "normal " way to act after a bereavement. We are all so different and react in our Own way. You had a terrible shock and how you are reacting is your mind and body,s way to cope with it.
Would it help to receive any bereavement counselling ? I know that for some it can be very helpful.
The situation that you lost your mum obviously gave you a terrible shock and maybe there is someoneone who deals specifically with that situation.
I hope that you have had support from family and friends, I honestly don't know what I would of done if I had been left to cope on my own.
And of course now is one of those times when we miss them more than usual, an empty place at the table etc.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this, as I am for everyone here. 💐
Hardto. I am very sorry for your loss. How sad for you and your family for this to happen so close to Christmas. Like you, I used to see my mum most days, and if I didn't we would at least talk on the phone.
It is now 7 years since I lost her , unexpectedly and I still cannot believe she is gone forever.
Like you , the thought of not seeing her in the coming months and years was just terrible, but eventually you do learn to accept how it will be. Not that you will ever forget or stop caring.
It's a difficult time for you with having children and Christmas just around the corner, and no doubt there will be tears on Christmas Day, but with others around you, you will get through it.
I hope all will go well on Wednesday. 💐

It's my birthday today. I can't believe my mum isn't here. I keep expecting a card through the post or a call this morning. It's so hard. Christmas is fast approaching and I don't think I can be bothered.

Flaming - I am so sorry. Hugs. My really loved elderly ma died unexpectedly and the day before my birthday. My card was addressed but not yet written - found in her kitchen that morning. On her list was to post it. I really wish it wasn’t empty. I’m finding that stupidly difficult and very upsetting.

And happy birthday even though it may just feel pointless this year. Mine was a blur of shock. Very difficult. Hugs to you and everyone.

flaming have you got a card from previous years that your mum sent ? If you have, put that up. It is still a birthday wish Fromm your mum. I have been doing that for 7 yrs and also a Christmas card.
I know it's a difficult day for you , but I'm still sending you best wishes. 💐

Mummylin. That’s a lovely idea. And completely right. And very difficult. It’s all so complex and hard isn’t it ?

Mummylin
I have. I have last year's one which is on ribbon so it's hanging up by the tree. I put it up today as it's always been a thing to do it on the 16th.

That's a good idea about last year's card.

I went to the nursing home yesterday to clear my dad's room and he'd won a necklace in the Christmas raffle, which was drawn a few hours after he passed. The carers had left it on his table with the raffle ticket, and it feels like it was his Christmas present to me. Walking into that room was the hardest thing I've ever done though.

God this is hard :(

flaming I am glad you have your card up, I hope it gives you some pleasure.
spider that def is a gift from your dad to you, how lovely to have that.

My Mum died last week unexpectedly.

Dad died some time ago so that's both of them gone. I feel so terribly sad and vulnerable right now.

I completely understand the sadness at not being able to speak to your mum. We spoke most days and I have this unbearable sadness even though I am kept busy with the kids and work.

The idea of putting up an old Christmas card is a great one. I'm going to do that tonight.

Going to my mums grave tomorrow , would be her 55th birthday, the first since she died in March.

Happen to work a few mins drive from the churchyard , by strange coincidence.
Unfortunately meeting there with her parents who I am low level contact with , fortunately only have a 30 min lunch break so have an excuse to escape back to the office.

Hopefully won't be any wailing by the grave.

Hello Bertie so sorry you are here with us, especially this time of the year. You must not know if you are coming or going at the moment.
It is such a sad time.
It is so horrible when you think of sonething and think " oh I'll just phone mum " but you can't. It s very upsetting, but I have to admit after 7. Years, I still have my mums mobile number on my phone. To wipe it off would be unbearable to me.
I hope that you have family and good friends to support you over the coming days and weeks.
Try and take one day at a time, it's too much stress to look forward at this time. Do take care of yourself. Always someone here for you 💐

Santa, I hope you will manage at least a couple of minutes at the graveyard on your own and that meeting the other people is stress free. The first birthday without our mum / dad is quite sad , but it will be one of the " firsts " you have to deal with in the first year. Sadly the next difficult ones for many will be Christmas and new year. 💐

Hi,

My father is ill in hospital. He only has a few days left (by what my mum said earlier).

I visit him every night at the hospital and I cannot imagine life without him. How do I cope with this.

I can't properly function, I can't stop crying and I know it's about to get worse. I've never felt pain like it.

Bereft76. Please accept proper hug from me. It is really hard. Tell him you love him. Tell him you know he loves you. Tell him everything is going to be ok. I told my dad those things and that we would make sure Iur step mum was kept safe and loved. It’s unbearable but it’s also a real honour to help him and your mum right now. Look after yourself
Over next while. Even if you don’t feel like it - eat.

Thank you.

My mom died in hospital at 8.30am this morning...this time last week they were talking about sending her home...her rapid decline started on Wednesday evening...I can't believe it...my daughter (13) is bereft ...I can't get past her pain, it's surreal.

Charlie I am really sorry. Hug to you.

Bereft I am so sorry you are going through this almost unbearable pain. Anything you have ever wanted to say to your dad, now us the time to do it. Let him know how much you love him, and tell him that you will look out for your mum, if this may be one of his worries. Sending you strength to cope in the next few days. 💐

Charlie sending condolences to you for your very sad loss. These first early days it's hard to accept what has happened. You wake in the morning and just for a few seconds thins are normal, then the sickening realisation hits you yet again.

I am sorry your dd is struggling , I believe there are books recommended for children to read about bereavement, someone else may know of suitable reading for her.
There will be tears, but that is normal and can be a good release.
We are here for you whenever you need us. 💐

Thank you mummylin

I've no time to grieve, it's a constant run of admin, appointments. This feels different to when Dad died. Mum took the brunt admin wise, now it falls on me and my brother - and there's so much to do.

So sorry to hear about others. Losing a loved one is exceptionally hard but at this time of year is unbearable.

We found our presents from Mum and the wrapped presents for the kids. It's the right thing to do to give the presents to the children but it's going to be very emotional.

The shock of her unexpected death is huge. I don't think she would have had much realisation of what was going on. We did manage some I love yous when she was semi conscious and that brings some comfort.

Huge hugs to everyone. To those who have lost their Mum or Dad recently, or to those who lost their Mum or Dad less recently. I remember with Dad the pain lessens in time (though it can appear like a thunderbolt when you're least expecting it).

Thank you heron and mummylin your messages mean so much. Hugs to everyone struggling xxx

Thank you everyone for your kind words. And I'm so sorry to see that others have just lost or are about to lose someone important to them. It's a horrible thing to go through. Nobody can ever prepare you for the void that's left.

Mummylin, thanks.