Support For Anyone Who Loses A Parent

[Mummylin]

We offer a shoulder and compassion for those that need it.

Hello TimeForAChange - Thank you for thinking of me. It worries me that I have already started to not be able to remember some parts. I started counselling a while ago and we've found that things which are too much for me, I'm effectively blocking out. So it's not a surprise. I was so sad. There was a lot of crying but my brother read a poem and I did the final blessing as well as our tributes to Dad.

I'm just so confused. What do we do now? Just crack on with life? What do we do now we don't have the home to go and visit him in, people to check up on for his care? It doesn't feel real. My eyes hurt and sting from the crying.

Any thoughts welcome for tackling the coming days.

@christmas I hope everything went ok today. We are now in he same position as you, wondering what to do next. Can’t believe tomorrow it’ll be a week since the funeral. I sometimes still think he’s here and when I go into my parents house I automatically walk towards his room to say hi to him (he was bedbound for the last month or so). We have family here from abroad, they came for the funeral and since then we’ve been doing things with them. They leave next week and I think at that point it will be even worse. My mum will have an empty house and I think she’ll struggle.
My brother also confided in me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. I cried with happiness but then cried with sadness as my dad would have been over the moon. My daughter was his pride and joy and he was always desperate for my brother to settle down (eternal batchelor type).

I miss him so much!

Christmas you did well to speak at your dad's funeral, I couldn't have done that
As for what happens next, well, I really can't remember the couple of days after my mum's funeral but I know I spent a lot of time with my dad & eventually everyone else returned to work & school and life kind of carried on albeit with someone missing. I think about my mum every day & I speak to my dad every afternoon and see him a couple of times a week.
Clarabell what lovely news from your brother - I think this is 1of the hardest things, news that you'll never be able to tell them, since my mum passed away my eldest son has a new girlfriend & my youngest got his exam results - both of which I'd have talked to my mum about

I'm glad it went ok, Christmas. We're still gearing up for the funeral. Mum is having problems making decisions, but won't hand over any of it to anyone else. We're helping where she'll let us, spending hours talking to her, but when push comes to shove she doesn't commit. Time is getting short, and she's a perfectionist. I may be going to do the eulogy. I've written it, but it depends if she finds someone else.

We're staying with her for a week around the funeral, to see if we can help sort out her affairs. I think she may collapse after the funeral, though. Just take to her bed.

Speaking of which, at the moment I pretty much spend the day in bed. I had the flu a month ago. If I am due at work, that's fine, but other than that I just potter at home. Reading and snoozing. I really need to get moving at s9me point, though.

christmas well done or participating in the funeral. I so wanted to do a reading at my dad's funeral but just couldn't.
The days afterwards are a bit if a blur. Family all gone home, and mum left alone in the house. I still can't get used to walking in and dad not sitting in his chair
Mum is so strong, she said she's resigned herself to the fact he's never coming back so she needs to learn to live alone. Dad did everything at home so I really feel for her.
I try to pop In most days and worry about her constantly, but I'm not sure what else we can do except build this new kind of life. I miss him so much.
for you

It's been three weeks since I lost my lovely mum. Her funeral is next week. I'm dreading it as I'm scared I'm going to lose it on the day and my 14 yr old really doesn't need to see that. In one way I want it all over but then that will mean that she really is gone. At the moment I'm kept busy sorting out her affairs but what happens when there's nothing else to do?

Hello to the latest posters, I am sorry to see you here.
When reading through your posts, I thought back to the immediate time after my mums funeral, and do you know what, I have absolutely no idea what I did. I think our brain must block out things that can be so painful.
Christmas you did extremely well to speak at your dear dad's funeral. You obviously have an inner strength.
clara how lovely to know a new baby will arrive in your family, bitter sweet in the circumstances I know.
Whatsthat. I think we all fear the funeral so much, but when the day arrives we cope much better than we thought we would. Somehow having others around you helps such a lot on that day.
Pickle a very tough time for your mum and your family. If she is managing to do a few things it probably helps her to get through this time. I am sure at some point she will welcome your help and input. It's all just so sad and difficult isn't it.
For all of you who are grieving 💐

Arghh!

Mum seems to be trying to write and format the funeral service before sending it to the printer. She's using other people's funeral booklets as the guide. Hasn't spoken to the dean, wont work with the f7neral director... arrgh! She doesn't want the Dean (who is taking the service) to see it in case he wants to change anything. Arrgh!

Sorry, this should probably be on the elderly parents thread rather than here. Just arrgh!

It's fine to post here pickle , we can have a moan on here if it helps !!

Hi all. Lost my beloved dad hit before Christmas. Trying to get on with life now but have some truly shit days - funny though, some people are genuinely confused as to why I’m crying or something. Like I should be over it by now! Ridiculous.

Hello DBM. There is the expectation that in a couple of weeks we all miraculously recover from one of the toughest times in our lives. I believe until a person has actually gone through this they have no idea. Many times after a funeral, everyone goes back to their normal lives, whilst the bereaved are left to get on with it. Sometimes it can be very hurtful.
Your bad days eventually will be fewer, you will have bigger gaps when you actually don't feel too bad. It takes a while, but it really does get better. A day at a time is good ! So sorry for your loss 💐

⚘to everyone struggling.
I lost my lovely dad in in Sept and have good and bad days.
last Sunday for some reason, I kept crying buckets as I was missing him so much. You never know when it will hit you.

I agree I feel like I'm doing well most of the time but was sobbing whilst doing my lunch in the week after a song on the radio reminded me of my mum - I wonder if it will always be like that?

I don't know timeforachange i guess it will to some extent. I can't watch the Ruby at the moment as it was dads passion and when it was on TV his day revolved around it.....

People are so different. I cried a lot through the year, I don't think I've much crying left to do now, nearly three weeks after he died. He wasn't a part of my day to day life, as we live a way away.

When I see people really grieving, I tend to think how lucky they were to have had such a close loving relationship.

jools I think you're right - there will always be things to remind us of our loved ones

pickle that's true too - we wouldn't be grieving if the person didn't mean a lot to us - I'm sorry I think I missed your story but I'm guessing your dad had been ill a while?

Mummylin your were right. Mum's funeral was yesterday and I got through it. I cried lots and laughed lots but I did it. DH & I planned the whole thing from start to finish and I had no end of comments of how it captured my mum's character. I think she would've been proud.

He was diagnosed November 2016. He and mum didn't adjust to it- mum insisted he would get better, so they never talked about the practicalities.

I'm glad it went as you wanted, bright light. Well done!

So glad you coped ok whatsthat and that all went as you wanted it to. Yes your mum would be very proud of you.
I am suffering with bout of flu or some such thing, so not going to post anymore for now. But for all you who are feeling sad at this very moment 💐💐💐

Get well soon Mummylin,

pickle that must have been so hard to deal with, I think my dad buried his head in the sand a bit & at the moment seems to want to keep going over why my mum couldn't have got better & should we have pushed for treatment - I don't like keep going over it because nothing changes the fact that she's gone 😕

Get well soon Mummylin

How are we all doing?

MummyLin hope you are feeling a bit better.
PickleMe sounds like a lot is going on for you. Bless you. Is the funeral soon? Has your Mum allowed the Dean a look in???