DH has died - niffler

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

Husband now terminalhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lifelimitingg_illness/3050597-husband-now-terminal

We filled the last thread. Thank you all for every good thought you have sent my way.

I'll have to move in with my in laws though as my parents have a grumpy, unsociable 12 year old dog so I can't stay there with my dog. My in laws have a bouncy springer who loves my dog and mine has a love/hate relationship with him.

Is staying with the in-laws a short or long term thing?

I'm sure everyone will be pleased to have you back home ☺️

I'm thinking around a year. I've been speaking to my best friend and we have to work out logistics and reality but we may be moving up to the city I'm currently in together next year. If I can get a job up here then buy a house then she could move in with me once she had a job. It would mean she could keep her pets with her and she could realistically save to buy her own house. Also I wouldn't be alone up here.

That sounds a good plan.

I'm hoping it works out. She's just split from her partner who she was with from 15 so although not the same as me we are both coming to terms with a different life we had planned. Neither of us ever dated or did anything like that so it will be nice to be able to spend more time with her as we explore who we are and what we do next.

Wow so you made your mind up. I think it will be good for you being close to your family and friends. How is DDog? Better I hope. I hope MIL is not too upset today. How have you been getting on with her?

I sort of had to make my mind up quickly. I was thinking today if I didn't have ddog I probably would have packed my house up and booked a one way ticket somewhere. Ddog is doing better she had some stool samples sent off and they came back clear. It could be that she has a sensitive tummy and if it keeps happening she may need pre/pro biotics. It's weird because she's eaten so much rubbish over the years without it affecting her yet now she's had problems.

MIL was okay I gave her a couple of gifts and a card. She's been told today she has ptsd apparently but this is just from her GP and other than counselling and some benzo meds she hasn't been referred or anything. She was referred to counselling in October once DH had been diagnosed so before she got bad. I can't work out if her GP who's known her years is telling her what she wants to hear or he's not doing her the best service by not referring her.

I haven't been speaking to her that much in the past couple of weeks. With ddog being ill and being snowed in I was pretty stressed.

Glad you are managing to make plans. Hope your Ddog feels better.

Ddog is much better now. I think I may have embarrassed myself to a new neighbour . I've just gotten back from taking ddog for a walk. As we are walking back to the door a neighbour who I've not seen before is walking behind us and ddog refuses to walk and is pulling towards her. She laughs and says hello to the dog and says something else so I say you little monkey aren't you you monster. The woman was black and I realised after I said you monkey she may have thought I was talking to her which is why I patted the dog and called her a monster.

If you was buying a gift for someone you barely know what would you buy? My neighbour has been cutting my grass in my front garden since we moved here and he saw us struggling. I know his name and his dog but beyond that I don't really know him. I'd like to get him a decent thank you gift but I don't know if he drinks or anything.

Cinema tickets? Afternoon tea for him and his other half if he has one?

Can you tell what presents I'd like?!

Haha he has a wife. I know his daughter works in the pharmacy around the corner but I don't know what she looks like . Tbh I'd love those gifts too haha. I'm not even sure what job he does, I just know he often has shirts hanging in the back of his car. He and his wife tend not to go for walks they drive so I can't even notice anything.

So I've handed my notice in for the house so I can't go back on it but I think I'm going to have to find my own place ASAP. Had my FIL on the phone asking for a couple of measurements of things and he mentioned that he didn't think £20 a week would cover bills and food. I said I would give them my £500 security deposit upfront and then go from there on board. MIL wasn't happy with that (accepting it) and now FIL is umming and ahhing about board. There only bills are utilities and food they don't have a mortgage anymore and I don't think I use that much in utilities. I can't afford to pay half their bills a month especially when there are 3 other adults beside myself that will be living there. I don't mind paying my way as long as it's fair. I think they've basically done what they always do and offer help but don't really mean it. I think I just need to move, find a job ASAP and get out.

Sorry you IL are being so difficult. I agree it's so much easier if people are just honest about what they expect from the beginning.

Ironically MIL has wanted me to move in for ages and is looking forward to the company and ddog. For some reason FIL isn't happy but I don't know why.

I think you're making the right decision to move back to your old town. But I think you might be right to look at getting your own place. You always seem to sound like you're relieved to be home with your own space after spending time at your in-laws?

Some places will take a years rent up-front in lieu of being employed if you wanted to get settled before looking for work. And you'll have your current landlords reference.

It must be difficult making all these decisions

To be honest I'm not thrilled moving in with them going from a house to a room but I thought it would be okay. MIL is looking forward to it she's been wanting me to move in for ages.

I've had a quick look today and seen a house that myself and a friend could rent. She's looking to move out too and pets are considered and it has 2 reception rooms as well as 3 bedrooms. I think even temporarily I need to move in with in laws but I'm going to look for my own place ASAP and a job obviously.

I think you will be ok with your in-laws if it is just until you get settled with your own place and a job. You might even be glad of the company even though it is less room than you are used to. I am glad d dog is ok. That is really kind of your neighbour, did you end up getting him anything? Don't worry about the monkey comment, I am sure she would have known it wasn't meant nastily or for her. I am guilty of foot in mouth as well!

Just checking in - how's the house hunt going? Have you moved temporarily with ILs?

I haven't managed to get the neighbour anything yet I still have no clue.

My friend is going to view the potential house on Wednesday but my tenancy doesn't end until 15th April. I'm going to mention to MIL on Wednesday that we have happened upon a house but we don't know if it's suitable.

Ddog was at daycare today so I could pack. I have been doing bits a pieces with her here but whilst on my hands and knees pulling things out from under the bed she crawled under me and started licking my face . She made a friend at daycare, another Shih Tzu, everytime I pick her up she has found another male dog to latch on to .

The house my friend was going to look at has already had an application in so her viewing has been cancelled. It's in a prime location near the university and close to the town centre so I'm not surprised. I'm hoping I can find a job ASAP it's just a pain trying to pack and sort things out at the same time.

It'll all come together in time Niffler. Just get through this next bit, at least you know you have space with your in-laws, so haven't got to rush into house hunting.

I know it will all work out somehow. Thankfully ddog is back at daycare tomorrow so I can pack a bit easier. She currently smells like a cow though so there are some definite downsides.

What has ddog being doing?!

When she goes to daycare it's in the middle of nowhere and she gets walked through fields and woods and by the river occasionally so she tends to smell a little au natural. I put her advocate on on Sunday though so I can't bath her til tomorrow just rinse her legs.