DH has died - niffler

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

Husband now terminalhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lifelimitingg_illness/3050597-husband-now-terminal

We filled the last thread. Thank you all for every good thought you have sent my way.

That's brilliant news Niffler

How are you doing Niffler? How is your lovely dog?

I'm doing okay. I've managed to get a couple of things done this week. I received a letter about my DH private pension today. It's not worth much but I need to decide what I'm going to do. I think I need to speak the a financial adviser as I don't have full contributions for my state pension so I need to find out whether it's worth paying some voluntarily.

Ddog is good. We have had some sunny weather the past few days so she has enjoyed that.

Hi Niffler, Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you still. Glad you and DDog have managed to enjoy some of the sunny weather even if it is chilly enough to freeze her paws.

Thats great to hear everything is ok with the sperm bank. The dog carrier looks great, did you end up getting it? Snow here today, my dog likes it but I am sure she must be freezing, does yours?

Hello hedgehog ddog loves colder weather because of her long fur and flat nose she is a big baby too though.

Amber I haven't ordered the carrier yet. The carrier is $79.99 and postage is $35 so it's quite expensive and I'm umming and ahhing over whether it will be worth it. If ddog overdoes it though her front legs will give way a little (no pain or issues just a hangover from the trauma as a pup). Ddog was not happy this morning there is about 4 inches here and she's only 10 inches at the withers. She had a very bouncy walk though so I think she was just moody because she'd just woken up. I had to shower her afterwards though .

The snow used to 'ball' up around my dog's feet and we always bathed him after he"d been in the snow ☺️

I tried a hairdryer once horsemad but nothing really happened and neither she nor I was going to sit there for an hour trying to defrost her 😂

Lol,. Bet she quite likes the shower, it will warm her up nicely.

She was quite good actually. I made sure the water wasn't too warm since her legs and paws would have been freezing but she let me warm them up and dry them off. Luckily I put her coat on her so it wasn't too bad.

I've seen lots of dogs large and small with their coats on today ☺️ My neighbour's dog has a collar with flashing lights on it - very effective at night; I did wonder what on earth it was the first time I saw him coming towards me in the pitch black though! 😁

I've got a flashing collar for my dog. It's one from b&m you just cut it down to size and charge it via usb it works well . I once read a review of a rogz light and someone said their friends dogs had a blue one and red one and when flashing looked like a cop car walking towards them .

Picture of a flashing dog collar please

That's the collar. It has 3 settings: solid, slow flash and quick flash. I had a quick look but I don't have one of ddog wearing it. I cut mine a little looser than I would have a normal collar as the attachment is bulky but as it's not a collar you attach a lead too it doesn't matter.

www.ebay.co.uk/i/201720754649?chn=ps&adgroupid=56153641092&rlsatarget=pla-401360589981&abcId=1130076&adtype=pla&merchantid=10004514&poi=&googleloc=9046218&device=m&campaignid=1029035693&crdt=0&ul_ref=http%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-134428-41853-0%252F2%253Fmpre%253Dhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.ebay.co.uk%25252Fi%25252F201720754649%25253Fchn%25253Dps%2526itemid%253D201720754649%2526targetid%253D401360589981%2526device%253Dm%2526adtype%253Dpla%2526googleloc%253D9046218%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D1029035693%2526adgroupid%253D56153641092%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-401360589981%2526abcId%253D1130076%2526merchantid%253D10004514%2526gclid%253DCj0KCQiAieTUBRCaARIsAHeLDCSzb7j8NKa0Ie7Kz-ySlCUR7N2TEMZf5W7XhWCxv--hnqRVw0XKRkkaAowZEALw_wcB%2526srcrot%253D710-134428-41853-0%2526rvr_id%253D1455092582379

On phone, so hope that works. I want to buy one now even though I haven't got a dog at the moment!

They'd be good for Saturday night raves

Had a bit of an argument with my mil yesterday. She had messaged me to see how I was and asked what I had done during the day. I had said I had been laying around really as ddog was unwell and kept me up most of the night. She thought it appropriate to say that it was a good job I don't have anxiety as I wouldn't be able to lay around and she had been up and down all day but couldn't get into docs til Tuesday.

It's what infuriates me, the need to bring everything back to her and how she is feeling. I know she has anxiety but she consistently brings a conversation around to how bad she is feeling and how she is worse than everyone else. She's always been a little self centred but it really takes the biscuit when she's trying to compete over this.

I suspect she isn't going to change any time soon, so we need to find a strategyy for it to not bother you.

How do you respond when she brings it round to her all the time?

I've taken to ignoring it and changing the subject. So I'll ask how FIL and BIL are and things like that. I always ask how she is I just usually don't fall into the rabbit hole of discussing in detail. Even when I called her on it yesterday she said that she was sorry she didn't mean to upset me and how she had been punishing herself because I was doing so well and she had fallen to pieces. It just hit a nerve yesterday.

Poor pup is unwell again and I'm stuck at home. I'm going to pop to shop today though the main roads here are okay.

That was going to be my suggestion, so I think you're doing the right thing with her. It's tricky, you don't want to not ask how she is, but by doing so it offers her the opportunity to make it all about her.

Hope little dog is ok, is she off her food?

The thing is I know she cares. She genuinely does but she has had many many years of people fussing around her and appeasing her. Whereas most people would do something that they might not like but would make someone else happy she wouldn't she'd never put herself out there she just focusses on herself and then thinks of others. I don't think it's malicious just self centred.

She's eating fine (vet recommended chicken and rice in January when I mentioned her being ill in December) so she's loving that and still begging for treats. She's a little more lazy but not massively so, she still follows me about and wants to play a little. She's not been sick, she had a normal and a loose bowel movement on Thursday, a loose movement early hours yesterday and a mostly normal one today but then a totally loose one with blood. Vets have shut now and I don't think it's an emergency. She doesn't seem to be in any pain and I can touch her everywhere with no issue. She did try to clean her bum in the snow though .

So today I told my mum and mil that I am handing my notice in on my rented house and moving back home in April 😬.

What did they say? Is 'home' where your parents are?

They were very happy but wanted to make sure it was what I wanted. Yes my DH and I met in our home city, lived there for the first 6 years of our relationship then moved just over 3 years ago for my DH job. All of our family is in the same city as are most of our friends.