Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Rizzo - I scattered both parents ashes on their birthdays which made it special if that helps.

Dad died in January and we scattered this week in a good spot for him.

I wouldn't be so angry if he wasn't playing the doting husband when he was anything but. He was horrible to my mum at times especially when she was vulnerable and needed gentle love.

She wanted the place painting when she was alive but he couldn't be arsed now she's gone he's doing everything she asked!

Well I'm sure even that is making you feel upset. Bit too late now isn't it. Isn't that just typical, your mum wanted it all done before and he didn't bother , now sadly she isn't here and he is finally doing it. Maybe he is feeling guilty ? I would probably feel resentful towards him to be honest if I was in your shoes.

Oh that would annoy me lazy. Maybe like mummy said he is feeling guilty, grief effects everyone differently though, my step dad married a 24 year old girl from Pakistan a year after mum died and lived in what was her house 😳 That was difficult!

rizzo we are taking my dads ashes to scatter at seaside once weathers better. You need to be careful where you scatter them and are ment get land owner permission.most dong mind butvyou have observe rules if public place.most ask no ceremony,no marking the spot and if nature area away from water as calcium in ashes can harm marine life
Dp mum pass away sept of cancer(pancreatic,quite sudden) he has a stunning pendant for a few ashes to go in ,his sister a ring ti put some in rest will go to a nature reserve she loved walk on
more glad Spain went well
Hugs to all that need one

Marking place to write more later. I lost my mum in January in especially difficult circumstances and could do with some support.
So sorry for everyone else facing this.

Two I'm so sorry about your mum, lots of support here I'm glad I found this thread even though I don't really contribute much but it helps knowing I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. I hope it helps you too

We will all be happy to help you Two

moreslackthanslick Glad that your trip to Spain went well.

lazy that sounds tough. As mummylin said, I think I'd be sad in your shoes too. My mum is decorating her first room in their house at the moment and it's a big deal. It's strange that dad's chair won't be there anymore when the new sofa arrives so I cant imagine the whole house changing so quickly.

two the support on this thread is great. I'm sorry you've had to join us though

Does anyone else feel tired all of the time? I feel like I haven't had a good sleep in months. The Dr prescribed sleeping tablets took one had no effect and the next day I felt rubbish so won't be taking any more.

Just wished I could sleep properly, I hope you all had a decent weekend.

Lazy, try some relaxing things like lavender oil in a diffuser or have a massage or an Indian head massage. It may just relax your mind. If the sleeping tablet didn't work it will make u tired. It's all part of grief it will get better but u need to look after yourself x

How u sleeping lazy?

Hi Rizz, I'm still not sleeping brilliantly but a few nights ago I have no memory of going to sleep and I slept so deeply for 6 hours, a record for me!

How was your weekend? I'm planning on total radio silence and no social media on Sunday, don't think I'll cope with it otherwise. I guess all the firsts will be difficult

Thinking of all of you finding these days tough. The horrible weather dosent do much to give anyone a boost does it ? 💐

Ohh lazy, my mum died a few days before Mother's Day, I remember shops advertising it in the window I just couldn't get away from it. Now I just enjoy being pampered myself 😊. My weekend was good put some flowers on mums grave, walked down memory lane a bit. It did me good.
The weather is depressing but it looks like improving later in the week 🙏🏻. Glad you got some sleep lazy x

How do I ever move through this? It's seems so long and hard and exhausting. How long did it take you all to feel 'better' as in not an emotional wreck?

Everyone is different and their circumstances are different. I personally remember the first year being the worst getting all the anniversaries out the way. But it was a gradual thing with my mum, it got easier without me realising. But for you it's such early days and u have to grieve let it all out. Don't feel guilty, one day u will start to sleep better and cry less I promise x

Lazy you will not always feel as you do at this time. I thought I would never recover, would never enjoy life again, would never find anything amusing, but do you know what, all the normal things gradually come back , without you really noticing it. Progress can vary as we are all very different, but eventually we all pick back up. It's not anything than can be rushed, we have to let our grief run its natural,course. But this will happen for you in time. 💐

Hello can I join you? I lost my wonderful dad on 28 Feb, it was very sudden although he had been very ill for the last 3 years. I think we all thought he was invincible - he spent a week in intensive care & 2 weeks in the HDU 2 years ago & the Drs were ready to write him off but he proved them all wrong & came home. He was 85 & until 3 years ago was a very active, vibrant man. I'm struggling to understand he's not here anymore, I keep saying Mum & Dad & then I realise it's just Mum now & I can feel a knot in my stomach. My Mum & Dad had been married for 63 years & she looks so lost without him.

As someone up thread said I feel so tired all the time, but I'm struggling to sleep & the dreams are so vivid although I don't remember the content. I'm lucky I have a very close family and DH is a wonderful support but I feel lost. I haven't cried since the funeral last week & my sister says she cries all the time - I know grief is very personal but I'm worried I'm keeping it all inside & that's not healthy.

to everyone x

I'm so sorry you're joining us here under these circumstances fire, there's a lot of support here which is a comfort. I lost mum on Feb 1st and I have only just started sleeping more than 3 hours. I sleep fitfully and for the first month had awful nightmares about mum. I still dream about her and in my dreams she's died but they're not the awful ones I did have.

My brother hasn't really cried whereas I have sobbed what feels like enough to fill an ocean, we're all different and deal with things differently, the loss might be the same but I realise that it's very personal to each one of us.

You're doing really well and you'll get lots of support here. Gentle (unmumsnetty) hugs to you.

Welcome fire its still fairly early days my love.give yourself some time to adjust.
Yesterday dp n I wander local nature reserve scoping out a spot for his mums ashes.we found a nice descreet copse in the wildflower scrub meadow.I planted some dying backsnowdrops and mascari(not sure spelt that right,like dwarf hyacinths.spread like wildfires)as we not meant make spot but they will blend in and he will know exactly where she is. All being well his sister is coming up from south coast next weekend(we in east)and we can scatter the ashes with few words we are putting together.
Made me think my dad and his ashes. My sister hasn't spoken to me since funeral and I not sure she will invite me to his scattering(which will be at seaside)I feel very tearful today.like all that's left to look forward to is getting old and then infirm and then dying(unless illness gets there first)maybe this means my depressions rear up badly, or we just have had so many loses last 8months it seems like that
I howl like a baby,startling the kids,when we picked up the cats ashes on wednesday

My dad died on Wednesday. He collapsed in the bakery buying bread, my mum was thankfully with him. He died on the bakery floor in her arms. His funeral is on Monday.

I am utterly broken, I can't sleep, I feel like i cant breath. I just do not want to feel like this anymore. I hate this so much.

To fire & never . I am so sorry that you have had to join us here. Sadly because of Sunday looming, it will be very distressing for you as it's so close to your losses.
I am sure you are both in great distress at the moment as things are so recent for you.
I will just say, I hope you both have lots of RL support, it can be invaluable at this time.
I know at this time you think you will always feel like you do at this moment. It takes a while so I would say to you both, just get through each day as best as you can, don't look forward too much at the moment, it can be overwhelming. 💐
For everyone else ( including myself ) it can be a very sad day and makes us feel the sorrow deeply. It hits home just what we have lost.
Try and think of happy moments but don't worry if the tears flow. Tears are meant to be healing. 💐

Is anyone else planning on hiding under a rock tomorrow? I was having an ok day today until a sudden thought of I'll never see mum again hit me.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend 🌈

lazy it is hard.I don't attend church with my children on mothers day as there is always a time to reflect on our own mothers and whilst mine died a long time ago I get very sad
Mother's day is a time I try to be there for my children as mum and not think of my own mum.
Big hugs to everyone managing tomorrow without their lovely mums.x