Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Thinking of you all today 💐💐💐

am thinking of you all too

Thinking of all of you who are missing your mum's today.

Neversleep- I lost my dad on Wednesday too. Shit isn't it. I don't feel anything yet- just little waves of sadness and then happiness because it's so sunny and springlike. Feel very guilty about this. Your funeral is soon- very quick to get used to it all.

May I ask a question for those of you who are a a little further on than me?

How did/do you cope with your other parent. My dad is as grief stricken now as he was when mum died almost 2 months ago. I know it's very early days and it's normal but I'm worried about him.

He doesn't have a circle of friends as he was mums carer for 11 years and barely left the house. He's not very good socially and finds meeting people hard. My brother and I are close by and we speak and see him daily we are supporting him as best we can but I just don't know how to help him.

I've been quite upset today, not really cos of my mum as she died 17 years ago, my dad obviously died a few months ago but I think what it was , I went out for lunch with my 2 children and my dp and his mum. Dp is not their dad and so mil is not their nan. His dcs went to their mums so they weren't there. Mil can be a bit negative towards my 2 sometimes and she finds it hard to treat them the same as her own grandchildren which I understand but it's upsetting me cos my dcs have no nans or grandads now and I miss someone being interested in them and wanting them to do well. I really miss that 😞

Oh Rizz sounds like a tough day, I wish I had the words to comfort but I am thinking of you. I'm so sorry today was so hard for you.

And I've just read your post lazy. I feel sorry for you too. I can't give u advice as I haven't been in that situation. My parents were divorced and moved on when my mum died. All I can do is send u a hug 🤗 xxx

Hugs rizzo
lazy when my mum died my dad was utterly broken.I was 17 and my brother was still at home(he was older than me,2maeried sisters)
I guess I became his company for a while,watch videos into the night together.he was still at work which gave him routine and people to talk to in the day.was good 4-onths before he start sleep better. He was adamant wouldn't want anyone else,and never did.
After he retired he spent lot time with my sister and her children til he went into sheltered housing and then he made friends at socials etc
Its hard asking them to make new friends whilst grieving fir life partner but in time I hope your dad will be ready to.x

Very moved reading these posts. I found that grief goes in cycles. You feel better for a bit then it comes round again. But it is different for everyone and there is no right or wrong way to experience it. I am used to my Mum not being around but I think of her, and miss her, every day. It's been ten years. But it does get easier. Xx

I am so sorry to see that yesterday was so tough for some of you. Especially for graffitti it must of been really tough for you as your loss was only days ago.
The first Mother's Day without your mum is really awful and so sad, you hate seeing all the cards in the shops and other daughters out shopping with their mums. But it's something we all have to face and this first one is the worst. I think I sobbed nearly all day when it was the first for me, now I just feel sad and miss her, but the awful sobbing has stopped.
graffitti I hope you are getting some RL support which is invaluable at this time.
💐 For you all

I'm feeling so overwhelmed today. I need a mum hug so badly. My mum died the day after Mother's Day last year. I was very close to my parents.my dad has turned into a stranger this year.

Ohh jslondon what an awful weekend you must of had. I do remember how it felt my mum died just before Mother's Day 17 years ago. It was horrendous Mother's Day banners everywhere, cards everywhere you just get through in a daze! Everyone else carries on and your in a nightmare. Then the first anniversaries of everything is awful but it does get easier, I don't know how or even a time frame but it does. You don't forget it just hurts less. You can visit their grave give them a card and flowers have a chat with her if it helps. 17 years later I still think of her and I can now go out and celebrate it but for years I hated it. Like I said for some reason because my dad died a few months ago I found this year the hardest for some time. I'm a step mum now too and they just make me feel worthless quite often but my own made it a lovely day, my dd made me a deluxe bath unfortunately I cried in there for a while, but I am loved and crying is good so I'm told x

Hi JS I can understand that you will be thinking back to last year and it is very upsetting for you. For your dad too it must of completely rocked his world, but hopefully eventually he will return to something like he was before, it can never be the same for you or for your dad. It's really a case of adapting to a different sort of life without your mum and for your dad without his life partner. It will get better for you , but it takes time , some of us need a long time and some of us can adapt in a quicker time. We are all so different. You can only get by as best as you can and be there for each other. 💐

Thank you mummylin - lots of support. Everyone's being so lovely. It's very touching. Thinking of you all.

My dad is keeping himself busy with lots of social engagements and a new woman living in parent's house. I just wish that he also wanted to spend some time with me and the kids and would have some tact. I've extended my maternity leave and thought that I'd see a lot of both parents this year. Sometimes the things he says are like a knife e.g. Best three weeks of my life about a holiday with his new woman...or new woman grabbing phone off him to joke with me in the middle of us writing mum's eulogy, turning up with new woman when we are going round to brother's house to finalise wording for the stone. Shitty shitty year barring birth of my son x

Oh JS that sounds shocking. I understand why you feel upset about all this. It seems that tact took a holiday ! How thoughtless people can be. 💐

Hello all, hope yesterday wasn't too tough for you all Mum & my sister & niece & nephew came for dinner with me, DH & DS, we had a lovely day but it felt so strange as there was an empty seat at the table . I'm starting to feel very down now as I'm due back at work next Monday & I'm not sure I'm ready & I'm worried about leaving Mum on her own. She's really missing my Dad at the moment & I can tell she's lonely. DH says to see how I feel later in the week & then if I'm still feeling the same to go back to the Drs, but for some reason I feel guilty being off for so long. Think I'm struggling with the realisation that I'm never going to see my Dad again. Thanks for all your kind words x

ice do not feel guilty, if it will help to have more time off then take it if it's possible. You haven't chosen to be so sad, it's been thrust upon you. Also it would give you a bit more time to be with your mum. 💐

Mummylin I think I feel guilty because work have been so fantastic during my Dads illness - I've lost count of the number of times I've been called home or to the hospital including the day he died & they've given me paid leave every time. I also have a chronic illness & they are quite easygoing with regards to appointments etc. I had 4 months off 2 years ago because I had major surgery & even though I'd been there less than a year they really supported me. Then again I'm no good to anyone if I can't concentrate & spend most of the day either worrying about Mum or on the phone checking up on her. Plus stress can make my condition flare up & I'm nervous about that. Think I'll just see how I go til Friday & then I can go to the Drs if I need more time x

Yes I would do that, see how you feel at the end if the week. If you feel concerned about it and feel you would be better at work, then see doc and get signed off

Fireandicecubes you don't sound ready yet, everyone is different my sister throws herself into work for instance but you sound like that would be too much for u and I'm like that too, listen to your body!
I had such an emotional day yesterday my dd had to go buy me some tissues so I could get out the car and give me a hug. Since my mil was a bit funny with me mothers day it's the realisation now I've lost both my parents I haven't got that support. Her son can do no wrong but I have no one who can give me that unconditional support. I feel like an outsider in his family with no one of my own. I'm going councelling today hopefully that will help.

Never knew a thread like this existed! My heart out to you all. My Dad passed 3 years and I'm in a very different place to how I was at the beginning....which seems like a lifetime ago. I can listen to songs he loved now and look at photographs without that pain and sadness they would bring. Then I'd feel guilty about being sad at things he loved. My only humble advice for anyone...is go with your emotions, whatever they are at the time...they may be like a roller coaster and appear out of nowhere and dissapear as quickly as they came. Go with the flow. Don't try an understand every emotion or feeling...let them come and go. Whether that be indifference, panic, feeling ok, or just that sadness

fire I'm not sure if you work full time, but if you do, could you maybe see if work would let you do a phased return? That's what my mum did after dad died and she'd had some time off. I think she started with three days, and then built up. I wasn't working at the time so we made sure on one of her days off we did something nice with DD to cheer her up and so she had company. They also offered her the option of half days if she preferred.

How is everyone doing? I've started to multi task whilst I cry now, yesterday I was cleaning and crying I'm odd I know.

It's my dads birthday in 2 weeks he'll be 72, he doesn't want to go out doesn't want to do anything because mum can't be with us. I have no idea what to get him, he doesn't really have any hobbies. He likes gadgets, feel I should get him something to keep him busy. Although he's very busy painting the entire bloody house and moving everything..whole other thread.

Any suggestions gratefully received.