Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Hi little Your mum may be gone but as your dd gets older she can learn about her grandma from you talking about her and showing photos. And your dd carries part of your mum in her so continues that way too. It's so hard sometimes isn't it ? It's five years for me now, but feels so recent. I can get upset just by thinking how long it is since I have seen her.
When we are very young, we all think our mums will be here forever don't we. It's tough. 💐

and big hugs for everyone here xx

It's my birthday next week and will be the first without my mum. I feel so down as the day gets closer. I'm only going to be 28 and I should still have my mum here for it

She would always ring me first thing and wish me a Happy Birthday and she always bought me funny cards to make me laugh.

Then it'll be Mother's Day the week after.

She's been gone for 6 months now and I thought I was doing so well and coping so well! Getting on with life etc but lately I feel like I am going backwards and I am more upset now than I was when it all first happened. I can't even mention her or hear her mentioned without tearing up. It's just not fair

Thank you Mummylin for those lovely, kind words. I feel so lonely without my mum, even though I live with my husband and children. She was my best friend and I will never get over losing her.. You are right when you say that unless you have experienced the loss of a parent you have no idea how awful it is. I feel like an orphan at the age of 48. I tell everyone to appreciate their parents as they will not have them forever and I just take comfort in the fact that I have been so lucky to have had such wonderful parents. Who knew the price of loving someone would be so high.

CP I think I've posted on your thread before. I lost my dad 18 months ago after he was hit by a car (it was a hit and run). We didn't attend the inquest (it was adjourned till after the court case anyway) but we've had to go through the court case etc and everything that comes with it. Thinking of you and your family. I've found it frustrating that while everyone means well, it's something most people (thankfully) never experience so I've often felt alone.

mummylin thank you for re-starting this thread. You're so helpful to everyone.

lemon I still haven't been able to watch our wedding video, even though I really want to. Even the thought of hearing my dad's voice brings me to tears, never mind watching the actual speech. I'm so glad we had it recorded.

Hello electric I will just tell you what I do on my birthday and the same at Christmas. I have several cards that I kept from my mum and each year I put one up as usual. It makes me feel good to have a " daughter " birthday card. I have done this every year since my mum died. I think that we can be bit too bad for weeks, then suddenly it hits you all over again and it all feels so new once more. I would imagine with your birthday coming up, your mum will be st the forefront of your mind. It's very very sad and you are far too young to be going through this grief. 💐

That is what they say Cindy the price of love is grief. And it seems that it's true.
I too have children, although mine are adult. And 3 grandchildren and a dh and 4 siblings, but do you know just for a couple of weeks I actually wanted to be with my mum, despite me having a loving family. And I am not someone who suffers from any sort of mental health problem or depression. It was just the grief making me feel that way. But that feeling didn't last too long, thankfully. But I thought I could never be happy without my mum being here. But in the end our lives get back on an even keel, even though it's now a different life. There is still happy times to be had 💐

rainshowers I am so sorry that you too went through such an awful trauma. How are you coping now ? 💐

Mummylin, I too feel that I could never be happy without my mum being here, but I agree that it has to be the start of a different life, without her. You must have had a lovely mum for her to have raised such a wise and caring daughter. Your words have brought me great comfort today, a day when I felt particularly down and have just, by chance, stumbled upon this thread. I hope comfort is brought to all the other posters too and my heart goes out to all of them. Thank you xx

Thank you Cindy I am glad to of helped.
I think we will always miss our mums / dads and will forever feel sad on special days, but in time as has happened to me, myself and my siblings have a little chuckle about things our mum did. But I continue to miss her terribly but love her the same as always. I always will. You will get to this point too, but it takes time. 💐

It's been over a year since Dad died and today I found myself feeling guilty that I hadn't thought about him today. I don't really cry. I have a wistfull sadness about him not being here which is always there when I think about him, but the gut wrenching sadness only surfaces when I stop and think about him and missing him. Or what he went through during the year he was dying from cancer.

I'd give anything to have him back and worry that one day we will lose Mum too.

I have some recordings of his voice but also spent the Christmas hols transferring all the Hi8 camera footage onto DVD and found mostly our kids on there, but then a couple of short films with him on. It was lovely to see him well.

Hello charley how great that you have found some footage of your dad.i have yet to watch my videos of my mum
I am glad that you are mostly able to get on with living your life, despite still having sadness now and again.
It would be wonderful to have our loved ones back wouldn't it , even if just for a little while. Take care 💐

just remembered DF was interviewed briefly once on TV many years ago and we managed to get a copy of it. Will see if i can find the DVD. Would so love to hear his voice again

That will be great if you can find that Panga another lovely memory for you to keep.

Hi everyone. Sorry to see we have some new posters. Much love to you all.

Very down at the moment, few crappy things have happened, minor in the grand scheme of life but seems like the universe is against me so am crying lots.

I'm a bit annoyed at one of my best friends to be honest, I know I'm being U as she has three kids, college and volunteers but my dad died 7.5 weeks ago and I haven't seen her in all that time! She was supposed to come to the funeral but one of the kids was ill, fair enough. We were supposed to go out last Friday but she "felt rough" and cancelled. It's just upsetting. Other friends who I'm not so close to came to my dads funeral and wake. We chat most days over Facebook messenger but she hasn't rearranged anything. I was totally thee for her when she lost her mum.

I FUCKING HATE MARCH too! My dad's bday, mum's and fucking arse wankery Mother's Day.

Anyway, as you were, felt good to rant. Hopefully a break next week will do me good.

Hope you don't mind me joining in.

Why is it so much worse when the sun's shining?
So many people have said to me ''It's worse in January, February when the weather's miserable.
But I'm finding I feel worse when it's sunny.
It makes me realize what they're missing

Hello littlepig sorry you have reason to join this thread. I think it's one of those funny things that our brain does when we are under stress. I have often thought " mum would of loved this day " then realisation hits you, that they will never see any day again. I remember when my sister died at 26 , I convinced myself she had gone to Australia ! This to me made much more sense that she had died and easier to accept.
More I think a fair few of us have been very dismayed and surprised how the people we thought would be there to support us, turn out in fact not to. I stopped speaking to a neighbour who didn't even acknowledge my mums death, when my mum had knitted things for the daughter when things were tight. Just " sorry " would of sufficed. But nothing is just bloody ignorant I think. And it's also very hurtful to us.

Lost Mum in autumn last year. Something daft and trivial will happen and I start thinking " I'll just ring Mum and we can have a laugh about it". And I dream about her all the time.
I hate being grown up and stoic about it.

I go to ring my mum 8.5 years on for the same reasons mrs Doyle

Thanks Mummylin - I know she's got a load of other commitments but we are best friends! Surely she could put an hour aside for me! She's married too so not a single parent with childcare issues.
That's terrible about your neighbour.

MrsDoyle I still can't bear to take my mums number off my phone. This is despite me having a new phone since she died I just cannot erase it. I still have her photo and ringtone. I also have her mobile and I gave at doe isl times sent a message to her phone, which us upstairs in a cupboard ! Like you I often want to ring her to tell her something.

more I am surprised at your friend when she knows how awful it is to lose a parent. Especially when you were there for her when she needed it.

More I can relate, a very close friend of mine has been nowhere near, not called just sent me some flowers and a Facebook message! Given she lost her mum and we talked about my mum dying I thought she'd step up.

Mum died 5 weeks ago and the day before whilst I was holding her hand going through the worst time she sent a text, a baby scan (already knew she was expecting) lots of smiley faces saying "9 weeks!!" I don't feel unreasonable for thinking it was completely insensitive.

I'm disappointed but I have since decided to let that friendship go. I'm having a crap day I feel overwhelmed today with emotions and anxiety I want to run away.

I hope everyone is holding up as best as they can in such difficult times. Wishing us all comfort and strength

Hi lazy how insensitive that was of your ( ex ) friend. Sadly some people are so wrapped up in themselves they can't see any further than that. That must of been very hurtful to you at that time. People like that think " it's all about them " 💐

Sorry, I forgot the rest of your post !
I think that after such a short time it is understandable that you are having a bad day. It will come and go for quite a while, but in between the sad times, there will be times when your grief will ease off for a bit, it may very well return the next day, but if you just live for each day and get through that, you will be doing ok. I think the early days are so sad for everyone. But somehow we get through it. ( God knows how ! ) and eventually life gets better for us all. This will happen for you too. 💐

Thanks mummylin, evenings are the worst I still don't get more than a couple of hours sleep which I think makes everything worse.

I have these moments too where I think 'oh I'll call mum she'll know' and I can't. I can't believe it's been 5 weeks since I heard my mums voice since I felt her warmth could hug her. It's the worst pain and I know I'm not alone this thread shows that, however I feel so isolated in my feeling sad. Grief is so hard and for me incredibly lonely.

Thank you for your words of comfort mummylin, they're very much appreciated

For me things got worse before they got better. The longer time between when I had last seen my mum made everything seem worse somehow. How is it possible to go from seeing my mum nearly every day to nothing ? It hurt and nothing around me seemed to be interesting. I couldn't find anything amusing, everything seemed pointless without her. But with the love shown to me by my family I gradually recovered. For instance, on the first birthday without her which was six months after mum died, my dh was away on his footi trip with my brothers and some friends, so my two gd,s came over and stayed with me in the evening. It was so thoughtful of them. I'm not saying I still don't feel sad even after 5 years, but I cope with it and am living my life once more. It just takes time and for each of us it can take longer or shorter. But however long it takes, I promise your days will get better eventually. 💐