Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Thank you Lin and Rizz, we wrote letters and put them in her coffin the day before her funeral. Mum told my brother she could see her dad, I didn't know that until after she had died.

The be strong comments annoy me because they seem so flippant, I have been strong and I feel there is also strength in allowing yourself to grieve. I know that one day the sun will shine again, I'm sorry about your mum and dad Rizz, I can only imagine how painful it is to watch both parents. I'm so glad of this thread it brings me small comfort to know that although I feel alone there are so many others going through similar.

I'm glad you did the letters lazy, I think all these things help. I've chatted to my dp and decided to go up to were my mum is buried this weekend and we're staying up there so I can reminise something I feel I want to do this year.
I'm finding it hard loosing both parents I feel like my safety net has gone, I think that's how Lin put it and it's true. Not long ago my dp stayed out all night without telling me I was a tad cross when he turned up drunk the next morning but I got over it. I mentioned to my MIL. I said 'did u hear about dp staying out all night ' her reply ' well he's adult isn't he, I expect u were catching up weren't you' looking at dp. That really upset me I know she's being defensive over her son but it made me realise I hadn't got anyone to be protective over me 😞. It's a strange feeling! At least it's a lovely day today everyone that helps x

Can I ask a question, those of you that have had a loved one cremated, what did you do with ashes? And did you have some sort of memorial spot a plaque or a tree or somewhere to visit or did u just spread the ashes somewhere meaningful?

We had my dad cremated. We have a plot at the cemetery where the ashes are buried, with a plaque, space for flowers etc. It took over a year to get though, and there were extending the cemetery and building new plots, so we actually only interred the ashes recently (about 19 months after the funeral).

My nan has my grandad in a potted rose bush that she can move around with her when she moves house etc.

When my sister died she was buried. We then bought the plot next door, which is for me, Dh and was for my mum too, as mum wanted to be by my sister. Mum then decided that she wanted to be cremated but still buried. So that's what we did. They had to dig down really deep despite mum only being in a small casket and we had a little ceremony a few days after she had been cremated. It was really just us siblings and partners with her sister being there as well.

I have both my grandparents ashes in my garden with a little plaque. My friend has her dad's in a big plant pot with a lovely plant.

Oh thank u so much I like the potted plants idea x

My dad and my big baby sister are in a plot and I'm going to add my mum in. I only put half my dads in and I'll do the same for mum. Then I think I'll get some ashes to glass made and scatter the rest in a few special places. I've kept my dad under the sofa for 8 years and I like knowing he's with me. It's now 8 weeks since mum died and I've stopped dreaming of her but I miss her physically more than before. I feel like it's old news now to everyone else and I'm so tired of having to fight for everything. I just want my mum.
It's nice to come on here and not feel so alone. Thank you everyone. Xxx

Do you know frazzle that you can have ashes made into jewellery ?
Rizzo you may be interested in that idea. I think there is quite a choice I will see if I can find a link for you both to look at.

There are actually loads of sites that do it at all ranges of cost. I actually wish I had done this with some of my mums ashes.
Have a look

Yeh I didn't realise there were so many things you could do with ashes, I've not had a loved one cremated before. Thanks for that mummylin. My dad lived 200 miles away though so myself or my sister won't visit hardly ever. For me I think I'd like to take some of his ashes with me and obviously I'd be happy for my sister to do the same. The rest we were thinking of spreading them by the sea as he lived next to the sea and our memories of him is going on lovely walks on the beach with the grandchildren. My dad has a few potted plants in his garden and I'm thinking of bringing one of those home with me put some of his ashes in it and get a plaque it also means something to me because my dad never got to come and see the house I now live in, he was too ill.

But should We have some sort of plaque or remembrance up were he lives for other family members to go to. I'm just not sure what the right thing to do is. Thank u everyone though it's been through this forum I have been able to make a decision. Hope everyone is beating up xx

Frazzle I've had a pendant made by 'Ashes into glass' it's not ready yet but for me I feel it may bring me some comfort. I hope so anyway.

Beating up 😳 Stupid predictive text, I meant bearing up 😂

lazy I would love to see your pendant when you have it. I have a gold locket with my mums hair in, but I'm too scared to wear it in case I lose it ! My dh bought me another one in Feb for my birthday so I could split her hair into two lockets, but now I have two that I am afraid to wear !!!!

I'll pop a photo up once it arrives, lovely of your dh to get another Locket for you. Hope I don't lose mine!!

I agree with what you say Roz, now my mum has gone too, it's that feeling of being 'looked after' (for want of a better phrase) has gone with her. I have a lovely family and siblings, but it's just not the same any more.

I am struggling so much at the moment - it's 2 months since my mum has gone and I just can't see a way through the grief.

We have my parents ashes and will put them together and scatter them, but not completely sure yet. I can't think about it at the moment.

Hello everyone. I hope you don't mind me joining in. It's so sad to read your posts but also comforting to know I'm not alone. I lost my lovely dad suddenly 9 weeks ago today. He'd had cancer for almost 8 years but even so it was an unexpected death, he was admitted to hospital that day feeling pretty unwell but when we left him at the end of visiting he was 'ok', we got a call a few hours later to come back but we never saw him alive again. It's so hard to come to terms with. I miss him so much and it's only now really that it's starting to sink in. The past few weeks have been so busy with the funeral and paperwork and things to organise, and then we had his 70th birthday just under a month after his death. We're in a difficult phase now where everyone else has moved on and me and mum (and to a lesser extent my brother) just want to keep talking about him all the time. We don't want to let go.

I'm so sorry that you are all in this situation too. Sending love to you all.

Hi everyone - had a little break in Spain. Scattered dad's ashes at a very meaningful place so he has a good view.

Just about evaded the Spanish Police who came along in a car just after we had finished so it added a bit of a laugh to proceedings and we know dad would have found it hilarious.

I'm holding the break will have done me good, I think the key now is to try and stay busy. Out for lunch today, work tomorrow and Monday and various things planned until I'm next working on Friday.

Rizzo, I know exactly what you mean re now being an orphan. It's a dreadful feeling.

Take care everyone :)

Hi everyone hope your ok, it seems being orphan does make you feel odd. Every time I think about it it makes me feel sad. Toomuchpizza your in the very early days too like me. Same as you callmesausage we all seem to be at that awful stage. I do remember with mum it got better very slowly but it was still always there, having children, getting divorced etc etc. I'm going up to visit mums grave today. It's a 2 hour drive so staying over and meeting my sister for lunch. Have a good weekend everyone. Love hearing about what you did or planning to do with their ashes. My dad was desperate to come home when he was ill and in hospital so we've just bought him home for now.

More sounds like a nice weekend (sort of, if scattering your dads ashes is 'nice' but I hope you know what I mean)

I was doing ok until my dad text to ask me what I thought about x colour paint. My dad is systematically painting the entire house and with every wall and each thing he moves that had mums special touch she seems to disappear.

In the first 2 weeks he redecorated their bedroom and the spare room, I get it he wants to keep busy and perhaps he thinks it'll make him feel better but for me it's agony watching him paint over the memories I have of my childhood home. It makes no sense and I'm being ridiculous but I'm in tears over it.

He's so bloody insensitive I'm trying so hard to keep myself together and he will insist on doing or saying things that upset me no matter how many times I've explained.

Hi toomuch I am sorry for the loss of your dad. It really is an awful situation to go through isn't it. I would say if it brings you and your mum comfort to speak about your dad, then that's perfectly fine, it's your way of dealing with his loss. I lost my mum five years ago and I still mention her every single day !
As you say, one the funeral and all the paperwork etc done everyone else has moved on and gone back to their own lives , whilst you and the closest to your dad are still in turmoil.
It is so recent for you it is no wonder you are not sure of how things will be.
My mum left us a letter and part of it says " think of me and speak my name in the old familiar way "
Everyone chooses their own way to grieve and if it helps you and your mum to talk about your dad , just carry on and do just that, you may even recall some amusing things that have happened in the past, which may give you a little smile.
Things will improve for you eventually, it's something that can't be rushed, but does slowly abate. 💐

morethan I am glad for you that you have scattered your dad's ashes, especially in a place that he would be happy. I am glad you have a few things arranged in the next couple of weeks. Seems you are on the right track in going forward. 💐

Lazy no matter what your dad paints, your mum will always be in your heart and your memories. I understand what you are saying, but obviously this is your dads way of dealing with his loss. It may be just a gut reaction and that he isn't thinking straight at the moment.maybe if he had painted everything more slowly over the coming months it would of helped you to accept it a bit easier. It's a tough situation and I really do sympathise. 💐

Rizzo I hope you will have a great weekend and that you eventually decide what to do with the ashes. There is no time limit is there so you have as long as you want to take. 💐