Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Hi All, I too have struggled through Christmas. My mum is still not well (suspected dementia) so we didn’t speak about Dad on Christmas Day, in fact she rarely talks about him. I’m finding new year harder than I expected, it feels like I’m leaving Dad behind by starting a new year without him. 😔

Hi Ali I understand exactly what you mean. In the first instance you say " I lost my mum / dad recently " now it becomes "I lost my mum / dad " last year which seems such a long time ago. I myself felt a bit cheated at the time as my mum died at the end of Oct , so it was only a few weeks left until it then became "last year "
But it dosent really matter how much time passes as you will always Have your dad in your heart and memory. Go forward to the new year with anticipation that things do get better. 💐

I'm really hoping I have my baby in 2018 - I don't want my baby to be born this year... I'm absolutely terrified that something will happen to me and my babies won't have a mum either ☹️ When she's born I'll have no family to tell. I'm really on my own. I can't believe I started this year as normal, but am starting the new year with no parents. I'm struggling with that I think. I miss them both so much.

hot that's so so hard. I hope your baby comes in 2018 and brings you some joy.

I was in tears yesterday looking at a photo of dad on last new year's eve. He looked so healthy and happy and now he's gone
I still can't get my head around it some days.

Oh hotpink you sound so sad. Is your baby due today then ? You will not be on your own, you will have an adorable little baby to love. Of course you miss your parents and it's special days like this that highlights to us all, how much we miss and love them. That won't change but eventually there will be happiness in your life. 💐💐

Please come and tell us when your baby is born hotpink we will all be thrilled for you I'm sure.
jools it's horrible isn't it. When you look at their photo and they looked so well, you can't imagine that anything was going to happen. But as we know, life can be gone in an instant. It's heartbreaking.

Thank you xx just think I'm having a bad day, bit hormonal and having a few pains so got a bit panicky. Baby is actually due on 6th so on Saturday - my Mum's birthday. Thinking of everyone else who's feeling a bit wobbly today too xxx

Jools

Wishing you the very best with your baby Hotpink.

I hope that you all managed to cope with last night. I know the first new year without my mum was for me unbearable, I just sat at home and sobbed. But for the first time in six years I actually went to a party albeit at my sons house. It was absolutely fine luckily , but it helped that other family members were there too.
It will get better for all of you eventually. Wishing you all a happier new year. 💐

And to you mummylin thanks for all your support on this thread. ⚘⚘
I'm glad I worked last night. It was busy on the ward, we had twins arrive! We toasted the new year in with Apple juice then got back to work.
I hope we all find comfort of some kind this year xx

Happy new year to you all.I went to see mum after work she looked like she had been crying.she cheered up after a chat..feel relieved Xmas and new year are done.

Hello everyone, can I join you. My mum died the day before yesterday which weirdly seems like a lifetime ago because I've lost all track of time. It's been very strange - she had what everyone said was a minor stroke in Oct, recovered relatively well in physical terms, but totally lost all motivation for life. She lost the ability/willingness to eat and just gradually faded away.

Telling people is really hard. My dad has Parkinson's and I've discovered that he hardly told anyone she was ill, because he finds speaking on the phone so stressful. So we are now dropping a massive bombshell into all sorts of people's lives.

My overriding emotion right now is deep worry for my father, who looks old and tired and very alone. And I have no idea how to fix that. We live 400 miles away. Leaving him at home alone seems untenable but moving him away from their family home seems way too traumatic to contemplate. And I'm an only child so there is no-one to share the responsibility.

Shit this is hard.

AChicken So sorry. It is heartbreaking and so sad when you have to look after the remaining parent. My Dad looks lost sometimes.

I have a member of family with Parkinsons and it is a dreadful illness. Your Dad will need care so it is best to start talking to him about it in due course. For now get some short term help and concentrate on all the organisation for the funeral. I had to do this for my Mum and it is exhausting so look after yourself.

Hello chicken so sorry for your loss. It sounds like this all happened so quickly so it must be a huge shock to you.
I am sorry that you are the one who has to try and sort everything out, but I found the funeral directors to be very helpful, and in general, banks etc were also helpful. Do get several copies of the death certificate as they will be needed for various things. Take as much help as you can to make things easier for yourself.
Your dad will be feeling it very much I expect and at the moment may be feeling a bit lost without his wife. I hope despite the distance you can both give each other support. 💐

Thank you both. It's good to have somewhere to let off steam. We do now have an appointment with a funeral director on Monday and she sounds very efficient and friendly over the phone. (We saw someone else that dad didn't like very much a couple of days ago, so it's good to feel a bit more confident that we can now get the arrangements in place.)

I've also had a long chat with Dad's neighbour today and feel much more confident that he has people here looking out for him when I have to go home. We still need to do some hard thinking about the future but it feels a bit less overwhelming.

I still can't really believe we are in this position, though. And a lot of her friends are very shocked because they had no idea she was so ill.

Hope you are okchicken and you have been able to sort stuff out. We have our family funeral for my uncle and I know it's going to be very sad, I still cant believe it happened and was a massive shock for everyone. Especially my poor aunt. Life can be so cruel sometimes can't it. 💐

korma ⚘sorry you've had to join us.

mummylin I hope the funeral went as well as it could⚘
Life indeed can be cruel, I was looking at my dad's photo today and it seems so long ago when I last saw him. it was only September but I just want to see him at my front door and hear his voice again. For some reason it's hit me hard again today

The funeral went well, and the service was beautiful. But my Aunt couldn't attend as she wasn't well enough. She said she had already said her goodbyes. Now she has to start picking up the pieces. We will all help her.

oh mummylin that's sad that your aunt couldn't attend. I'm sure you will all help her to pick up the pieces, things are just so crap sometimes

Mummylin

Can I ask a question about birthdays? My DF would have had his birthday next week. I know I am going to be very sad on that day but am not sure whether I should do anything to mark it. My DF was a no nonsense man so would just tell me to get on with my life and treat it as a normal day. My DM is pretty similar, so I am thinking it might not be a good idea if I spend it with her, as I don't want to upset her, which she will be if she sees me upset.

So not sure what to do. Don't want to spend the whole day crying

ineed I have this dilemma too. it's dads birthday soon and he loved celebrating his birthday but he wouldn't want us upset so I'm not sure what to do with mum. like you say I don't want to upset her but I feel we should mark the occasion 🤔

The only thing I do on mums birthday is are flowers to the crem. Or my sister puts flowers by mums photo at home. I don't do anything special on the day. It is purely down to yourselves what you want to do. Whatever is right for you is the right thing to do. 💐

22 years tomorrow since my DF died aged 43. I was only 13. Still miss him terribly 💙

That is very sad ginger how young he was to lose his life, and he would still be relatively young all these years later ! It is lovely that he is in your thoughts. Hope you have happy memories to recall tomorrow 💐