Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent.

[Mummylin]

Welcome to the new thread for support in your loss.

Thanks for the comments. I've had a few bad days which I know is normal, but I'm getting irrationally cross with people posting on Facebook about their various fun Christmas activities. I went into a supermarket yesterday and just felt like screaming at everyone (mainly old people) to get out of my way!! I feel like staying in the house and avoiding everyone.

I have had another shock, my uncle has died unexpectedly this morning. I can't take all this in at the moment. He only went in on Monday for a minor op and was due home on tues. then he caught a bug and this is the result. Do forgive me if I don't post much for a couple of days. 💐

I am so sorry Mummylin to hear your sad news about your uncle. What a terrible time your family are having. My thoughts are with you.

18 months down the road now.. in some ways it’s more bearable but I know I’m bottling too much up inside..Thought this Christmas might be easier but it’s just a different kind of hard if that makes sense. My favourite film used to be You’ve Got Mail and in it the Meg Ryan character talks about “getting ready for Christmas and missing my mother so much I can hardly breathe” and now I know exactly what that feels like. And I can’t even watch that film now!

mummylin ⚘⚘my thoughts are with you. How much bad news does one family have to deal with! So so sad.
mrsgrindah I know what you mean about bottling things in, I'm only 3 months down the line since my lovely dad died. I'm trying to be brave but im dreading Xmas eve and Xmas day as we always spent it together.
I feel so sad and helpless for my mum but I'm at a loss at what to do.
I see her every day and I promised dad I would look after her and I'm trying so hard to do that.
On top of all that I had a recall of a routine mammogram and am now waiting to see if it's cancer. I'm struggling

Thankyou for your kind thoughts. Two deaths in three weeks is tough and so sad. My aunt is bearing up quite well, but she has her three sons with her at the moment. Unexpected death so has to have coroners report. It just won't sink in at the moment.

Oh jools what an awful worry for you. Not something else you need to worry about is it. Fingers crossed all will be well and the first mammogram got messed up somehow so it's a routine call back. 🤞 for you 💐

Thanks mummylin I had to have another mammogram and a biopsy so it's serious stuff! just have to wait for the results now.

Mummylin I am so sorry to hear about your loss and MyGuideJools I really hope your test go well. life can be incredibly unfair sometimes
I’m really struggling too, I broke down in tears yesterday in front of my husband and two young children. They all looked petrified, I just couldn’t stop crying. It will be 6 months on Friday since my wonderful Dad died and I can’t believe he’s been gone so long. Some days I still can’t believe it. Everything about Christmas reminds me of him and so many things I want to tell him about, Nativity plays etc. It’s just not the same without him.

Sadly alibaba life can never be the same. We can all try and pretend it's the same, but of course it's not. But for you and anyone with a recent loss, this is the first Christmas without your dad and it's very upsetting. But to give you hope for the future it won't always be like it is now. Things do improve and we go on to still have happy lives. We never forget and our loved ones will always be in our hearts. But over time we learn to accept that this is how life is now. Raise a glass of something to your dad on Christmas Day , you will be ok 💐

Myguide my heart goes out to you.My Mum scattered my dads ashes in a secret scenario with one dsis then posted it on Facebook so I found out after everyone else when I finished worked at 11 pm.For an older middle class woman her actions reek of Jeremy kyle!!! We are all so very angry I will give her wide berth now.

Omg whatis that's harsh, I feel for you ⚘why on earth would she do that? K fair enough if she wanted to do it in private but to take your sis and not tell you is really sad. But, you still have your Dad in your heart and nothing can take that away.

Thank myguide it is suc h a shock!! Yes to not tell the other four of us sucks as I do loads for Mum.

To everyone who will be missing a loved one at Christmas time, I hope you will all be surrounded with love and this will help you to cope.
I hope you will find things to have a smile about, and I also hope that your days will be as stress free as possible.
Wishing you all the happiest Christmas possible in the circumstances.🎄💐💐💐🎄

Thank you, Mummylin. You have been so kind and thoughtful despite your own pain

Thank you Mummylin for your kind message. Your kindness, advice and supportive thoughts have been so helpful to me and, I’m sure, to many others struggling after the loss of a parent. My DF passed away in October and I have been so tearful and missing him so much. But I keep telling my DM and DCs that he would want us to be together and to find reasons to be happy. You will all be in my thoughts over Christmas and I hope that you will also find reasons to smile.

Thinking of you all this Christmas.

Miss you Mum xx

Thanks Mummylin and the same to you.I wish you all the most peaceful Christmas.A moment to reflect on our.losses then some laughter too.I'm working so hopefully this will be a huge distraction.

How did everyone's Xmas go?
I tried so hard. Mum and I shed some tears as it was so blindingly obvious that dad wasn't there as he was 'Mr Xmas'
But we had a lovely dinner with the adult DC and played a few games, but it was all tinged with an aching sadness for me which I guess is to be accepted after only 3 months.
Like retreat said, I know dad would have wanted us to have fun, That's all he ever wanted was for us to be happy so that's what I kept telling myself.
Hope everyone else had a good day ⚘

Hi everyone.Well Christmas is very busy in my trade so Xmas eve was set aside to go across the beautiful churchyard to listen to the midnight mass for Dad.Dh spoilt it by getting very drunk so I came home to o food and when he turned up was telling me to f off not everything is about me and called me a bitch!! I went to the churchyard sat on the grass and listened to silent night.Christmas day had a downer on it but work was extremely busy.I went to mums as I felt it was right having not seen her due to work and her scattering Dads ashes then putting it on Facebook. The evening was better and my husband gave me a bag from a very nice local jeweller.It was a locket to put a pic of Dad in.Coincidentally the same one my Dad bought my daughter when it was apparent he didn't have long to live.I would work it again as it was a great.distraction from what could he been heartbreaking.

Oh whatis sounds a tough day but what a lovely gift. My dad's favourite carol was silent night so I would have loved to have heard that in the church yard.
Has your mum given any explanation of why she scattered the ashes without telling You?
I've volunteered to work a night shift on new years eve 8.30pm to 8.30am as I think it will take my mind off things. Don't really like NYE anyway. Mum says she will just go to bed and DH and DC will probably be out somewhere.

NYE will be tough...entering our first NY.without our df s.No I didn't ask nor did my brother.TBH it must be so very tough for DM I'm sure she has her reasons it was just upsetting to see it after e event.My df used to tell me off for working too much however being so busy can really help.What kind of ward do you work on?

It is tough for our mums, my mum puts on such a brave face. I felt so sad for her waking up on Xmas morning alone.
I work in a maternity hospital so hopefully it will be busy!

My DM, DD and myself all had a cry yesterday thinking of my DF. I couldn’t even read the card my DM had written as I saw it had just her name and I physically hurt for him. Not just for my sake, but my poor DM and my DCs. Just like Myguide, I felt so sorry for my DM waking up on Christmas Day without her husband of more than 50 years.💔
We tried our hardest yesterday and I know my DF would have wanted us to look after each other which is what we did but it hurts so much.
My in laws were with us too, and that hurt to see them together when my DM is all alone. Plus one of my DDs has severe depression and anxiety caused by some serious health problems and the other one has ASD so life is hard.
I feel quite flat to be honest today and can’t motivate myself to even get dressed but DM is back round later so I will do my best for her and my DCs. My DH is back to work tomorrow and I’m kind of panicking at the thought of coping with everyone’s emotions and needs without him. Does that sound silly? I hope everyone can have a peaceful time remembering happy times with our DMs or DFs who we are missing so much. 🌺

It must of been very tough for everyone, but each year although we still miss the people we have lost, it will be a bit easier. Would of been my aunt and uncles 62nd wedding anniversary today, but she is coping very well. Her three sons have been looking after her very well. Makes me sad that only two weeks ago my uncle went in hospital for a small op in what should of been a 24 hour stay only. Then he caught a bug and within 4 days he died so unexpectedly.
Hope you are all either chilling out today or are with other family members to help boost your spirits. 💐