Lemon's Mum

[lemonzest123]

Hi MNers,

Thanks for tipping me off about the message limit on my other thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2725008-Would-any-MNers-be-able-to-help-tonight?pg=1&order=

I am stunned and unbelievably humbled to see that one little post I wrote sparked 1000 messages, and Im so appreciative of all you personal stories and jokes to cheer me up.

MN is offically amazing and you're all fantastic.

DM had a rough night, she apparently woke in the night with a bad headache which I think confirmed the disease has moved into her head (we expected this, apparently what's causing the paralysis often appears in the brain too). Still no appetite and sleeping all the time.

Hope everyone had a good night. I had yet more nightmares - theyre all about Mum and they all horrible. Shouty I is in fine voice this morning. Dad said he heard Shouty I bellowing to Shouty II to shut up the other day. Pot, meet kettle

Just dropping in lemon-to wish you and your mum a peaceful night.

Evening Lemon hope you have a peaceful night. Lots of people are thinking of you & your Mum, take comfort in that. Get some food down your neck & try & get a decent sleep.

You have nothing to be ashamed of at all. I bet your mum is very proud of you. Your DP sounds lovely and I'm sure your mum knows he will look after you. I hope your mum has a better night tonight.

Hi Lemon. You're doing an amazing job! My sister and I sat with DDad last Nov as he was in his last weeks after getting Cancer and it completely taking over his whole digestive system. It was an honour and a priviledge to do, but the hardest thing I've ever done. Just the day before we lost him I decided that I wasn't going to be able to face going in the next day as there were plenty of other family members. But that night he went.

He also had a period of being really alert. It completely took me by surprise when I went in expecting him to be mostly unconscious. But he could speak! Not full sentences, but he'd gone from being awake and alert (but q distressed) to not making that much sense but reacting to us, to mostly asleep. And there he was, awake and making eye contact and trying to speak.

He had a visit from a dear, dear friend of his and he smiled and made agreeing noises to his friend and actually reached out his hand to shake his friend's hand. It was amazing to see. And his friend's sadness was palpable and brought home how much he meant to others.

He wasn't transferred to the hospice as that's one place he never contemplated the thought of going to, but the ward were amazing at letting us come and go as we wanted. We took music, which he could sing a few words along to to start with, then just brought a smile to his face. One lovely morning we arrived and his nurses had put a new cd on for him and were singing along with it while they sorted him out.

Earlier, in one of his many hospital stays, there'd been a shouter on the ward that Dad was on. Dad was rather grumpy due to being stuck where he didn't want to be (on top of being depressed about the situation) and he would normally have properly grumbled. BUT the shouter veered between either singing loud hymns or telling dirty jokes really loudly. The poor man was blind and mostly deaf - but very funny. I think it was harder for Dad to deal with at night on the ward, so you're dealing with it really well.

After is hard. Really hard, but also easier on one respect.

Do look after yourself though.

Put on the worst Australian accent you can manage and start a lengthy conversation about how Australia needs someone like Donald Trump.... that'll teach them!!

Just to say thinking about you Lemon, hang tough xx

Can identify with the world just being normal. I had a very severe illness some years ago barely managed to survive it but when i came home the things that meant most were those humdrum little mundane things that you do.

Felt so much better for that simple plain old normal-ness:-)

Try to eat and sleep easier said then done sometimes but you need to look after yourself. I'm sure your mum would tell you that anyway:-)

Thanks so much darlings I really appreciate your words. Night night xxx

Lemon when my dad died I was not in the room. I was on a plane back to my dc. I knew he would die that afternoon and I was ok to leave. As I headed off to the airport and boarded the plane I had such a sense that I was still in his room. When he died that afternoon the doctor, not a very woo person, said to my sisters 'I can feel that saffron is still here in the room with us'.
Hope you are sleeping now.

Morning Lemon
Checking in for the darkest hours. I hope you're asleep or dozing & the shouty crew are quiet.
DH is snoring, it's taking much wil not to thump him after wakeful baby has been up most of the night, but I remain restrained.

Morning Lemon
I've just had a Topic for breakfast so not really in a position to advise other people....but try to look after yourself today xx

Good Morning Lemon. I'm hoping with all my heart that today is a little easier for you. Yesterday is gone. Today is another day. Stay strong xxx

Good morning lemon- my day off today so I am doing nothing very deliberately- although I shall have to walk the dogs at some point. And buy some food.
Stayed up too late last night making the Disney Princess cake but it looks ok- now I just have to do the washing up which I couldn't face last night and of course it looks extra enticing this morning!!!
I remember after my mum died being constantly surprised that other people were carrying on life as normal - and people I was meeting for the first time would ask me stuff like 'where do your parents live' as if I didn't actually have 'my mum died' stamped across my forehead (which in fairness to them, I didn't). It is so hard- ordinary conversation can feel as though it was designed to flay you alive. One day at a time - sometimes just one hour at a time- and eventually life grows into a new shape. But it's tough.
Hoping today is a peaceful day for you and that you have some really good moments with your mum. And praying for you and all your family.

Morning Lemon, hope you slept well last night, will be thinking of you and your DM today and will pop back later. Keep strong, you are one remarkable lady.

Morning Lemon how was your night?

Morning Lemon. Lot cooler here now. It's a relief. Hope you slept and your Mum has had a calm night. Juat sat in dentist waiting room as a week.of making and chomping Vietnamese summer rolls a month ago has inflamed my jaw joint. So painful.

Thinking of you. It's so so hard to watch a loved one go through this. I promise that no one is disappointed with you. I went through similar 3 times with my mum over the course of 18 months. At the last time I remember sobbing to my aunt when she started to come round that I didn't think I could go through this a 4th time.

I didn't have to, she died 2 days later. I didn't wish her gone but she had one of the cruelest of diseases and it was a relief when her suffering ended. I love talking about her because she was an amazing woman. I'm sure the same is true of your mum as you talk about her in a similar way. Hold on to the wonderful strength she gave you and it will see you through. Xxx

Hi lovely pals of Lemon,

God you guys feel like some of my best friends atm.
Clever Lemon brought an air matress today as am sleeping over. Mum has been sleepy all arvo so when Dad tried to engage her by going "Look, Lemon brought an air matress" to which Lemonmum replied without opening her eyes "I think you'll find I bought that!" (True).

Got back quite late last night and DP and I were in a fuck-it mood so met at my favourite south american bar where he had a pint, a mohito and all our fav tapas already ordered (love, love, love the lovely DP) and we stayed up late behaving badly had an early night. Woke up at 4am to loudest thunder I've ever heard, whole flat woke up with a jump, sounded like a bomb going off in the street.

Sadly was too sleepy and pissed to remember to pretend not to be a cowardy custard and proceeded to hide under the sheets shaking and telling DP to "Close the window in case it (?!) comes in!"

Mum's in a bad mood today. Dad seems to rejoice in the days when she doesnt need to top up the morphine as it means she's more with it but in my eyes thats not necessarily a good thing as she's with it but completely miserable (entirely understandable as not only dying but paralysed from neck down). I think he's glad to have a break tonight, he brought me in an M&S spaggy bog (complete with Parmasan and grater!) and a bottle of Malbec.

Thank GOD its cooled down. The now cooler bunnies were in fine fettle when I left, bouncing around on their fat little legs. The smaller furry idiot made me laugh a lot yesterday, I filled their water bowl with ice and a cube rolled away. Little sniffed it then promptly sat on it. Was good as had been crying but it made me fall about laughing.

DP has gone home. Boo. Hoo. Hoo.

Hiya Lemon, glad you've got something to sleep on, and that it's cooler for you. Dare I say it I feel a little chilly. This bloody weather goes from one extreme to the other! I hope your DM is feeling a bit better now and that you enjoyed your spaggy bol, bless your Dad. Here's hoping you get a reasonable skip tonight, fingers crossed. Will drop by tomorrow, sleep tight.

Bugger wrote a long post that disappeared anyway darling, hope you have a peaceful night on the genius matress, your boyfriend sounds ace! Lots of love to you and mum. Not surprised your mum is cross today, so human and natural to be angry to be leaving her lovely family. She sounds fab xx

Just checking in Lemon. Hope you have a good night on the air mattress and Shouty II doesn't wake you up with her shouts for Johnny.

Fingers crossed they've all shut up! When I arrived Shoutys I & II, Coughy and Coughy Jr (who we've nicknamed 'Foghorn') were all at it. Night nurse tonight is so lovely. She looks like the kind of lady that would give you a hug when you scrape your knee
. Also Nigerian accent is one of my all time favs.

Hi Lemon , a pleasant voice makes such a difference , doesn't it. I'm glad she's there tonight.

I like Dr McCoys accent, so comforting. He can sit on my bed.

Favourite accents anyone?

Glad u have an air bed and a motherly sounding nurse on duty. It rely makes a difference to have someone comforting around. I'm about to go t bed. Hoping you get some sleep and that the shouty crew keep the volume down.

Ah lemon - I've come in from the lurking spot. Lured by Marcipex and accents. My sister and I took turns sitting with my mum for a month through the night. She could handle the days but didn't want to be alone in the dark. One of the staff had the most beautiful South African accent. Soweto, for that was her name, helped us through the hardest of times, right up to the end. I loved her gentleness and compassion. And she gave great hugs. Hope tonight is a restful one on your comfy new mattress.