Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

lazysusan grief can make you feel very anxious and distressed and that will mess with your digestive process so nausea is common.

Was utnetty who lost mum October and had 2weeks to sort everything and return to work?
My partners mum died end sept and we had same thing.2weeks to clear her home,sort funeral etc and get him back to work. It was very full on and he cry a few tears in first couple days then he just was so busy he was able shut it out.he cry a little at her funeral and that's it.he's angry and impatient now, and very hard to be around.but it's such early days still.he says its like she never existed.he won't talk of her,or acknowledge anything our children ask about her.it's heartbreaking to see.I just wanted you to know really its OK not to "just get on with it(so want slap people who say that my dp)and get on with life". They need to be acknowledged as a huge part of our lives and its not til there gone we have to accept they aren't invincible

Ooops Tilly not netty I blame the lack sleep on my terrible lack of concentration
more I know exactly what you mean.I too am "an orphan" at 44.I don't think there's ever "a good age" to lose our parents though.hurts.a lot(or as my kids describe it "sucks and blows in equal measures!!")

It's nice to have people here for support
I reread this thread and take comfort from the advice
I don't think I ll get over it but I hope I can live with it
Sometimes life is just so sad

Tilly. Yes this is exactly it. I know what I'm doing is destructive and it's not good if I look at the wider picture and my kids but I just don't see able to lift myself beyond that. I don't know why. I've always though that people who put their issues in front of their kids are so misplaced but yet I find myself in the same place. I want to make her proud and at the minute I don't feel I am. Please feel free to pm me, I'd love to have some support that understands the feelings and the alcohol. Xxxxx

I too have been drinking too much and decided to lay off it for this week as we really need move along with clearing my dad's place! I cancelled 2 sessions there over the weekend with another family member with lame excuses in reality I was hungover

Result? Here I am awake at 3.45 am! Oh well I will sleep eventually I suppose and don't have to go out flat clearing until 1pm. I'm on pins waiting for the funeral to be over.

I am back at work but I only work part time (main income is from self employment which actually doesn't take up too much of my time) I'm not in til the weekend now though so hopefully can make some good inroads on the clearing. I also do find that the times I am at work helpful as I don't think about alcohol or the whole situation really.

It's been 3 weeks and the funeral is next week. Our crematorium covers a HUGE area and it's always generally a month to wait.

There's bottle of wine in the fridge with about a glass full in there though. I think to get some sleep I may as well have it and then it's out of the house and a glass isnt going to get me pissed.

:flowers: to everyone.

I do hope that the funerals that are coming around soon are all arranged and you can have a bit of a break between now and then. It seems to be such a tiring time fir everyone. I expect the agitation will start to build up a few days beforehand , but I promise you that with all your family and friends around to support you, it won't be as bad as you think it will. Yes it's very upsetting , but somehow you will cope with it on the day. 💐

I had a huge wobble yesterday.I was sit cuddling poorly Dcs(chest infections) so unusually at home just after 3pm.I see a hearse go slowly by with a mum wreath in back,then fleet cars follow.I had make excuses and hop upstairs to cry...
Turns out neighbours elderly mother(son owns house and she lives with him)she was a lovely Lady, very chatty. I'd not see in few weeks(she use catch bus into town every day and pootle round shops)I spoke gp about grief counselling.she said gp services can refer for that anymore but believed cruise (?)offer free support. I never dealt losing my mum as a teenager and I think with all the losses plusy dad last 6months its all boiling over and I xsnt cope anymore.anyone got any experiences with grief counselling?

still you are clearly going through a tough time. I didn't seek any counselling myself, but I believe that cruse are one of the best places to go. You may have to wait for an apt, but it may be worth it.

Still - I found cruse great! Give them a call.

Well a week today the funeral will be all over - I got a new dress and have appointments for my brows and lashes plus hair for the day.

My ex boyfriend and his mum are coming too. We parted company in 2010, one minute I'm "?" The next I think it's quite nice.

Managed to stay off the booze all week bar Tuesday when a sister situation occurred.

more slackmy eldest dd dad who o split very acrimoniously withasked he might attend my dads funeral.if I'd said no he wouldn't have come. I thought it was really nice wanted pay last respects.in the end as dd was going he drove us,and behaved impeccably(I didn't take dp as I didn't feel he could cope another funeral so close to his mums)

Hope you are all doing ok. The horrible weather dosent help does it ? I guess the funerals are all over now, I hope things went OK for everyone who has had to deal with that the last couple of weeks. If you have had had to return to work, I hope you aren't finding it too much to cope with at this time. For you all 💐

Hey everyone I'm married with two kids, mid forties. My mum died in September after being ill for two months with oesophageal cancer. It was horrendous watching her fade away, and being with her in the hours before she died. I'm still really struggling to come to terms with it, and I'm full of regrets for not having told her how much I loved her. We were in an open ward and I felt like we had an audience watching us the entire time with the other cancer patients watching on if that makes sense. Anyway, it was my daughter's birthday on Monday and it would be my mum's birthday on 20th, next Monday. I'm really really struggling with it all right now and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it as it's 6 months on and everyone else has moved on from it. I was never really that close to my dad and so I'm trying hard to include him in family things, but it's difficult. He's not really social so if I don't arrange to see him once a week, which is what I do, then I'm not sure he sees anyone at all. I don't know what to do for the best for him? He never likes to talk about mum and he has never acknowledged that I lost my mother, which I find weird and selfish. Has anyone got any words of wisdom or advice?? Anyway, that's me. Thanks for listening xxxx

Hi Stratfordsara

Big hugs, the first year is hard afterwards wrt birthdays etc. My dad was the same when my mum died and never liked to talk about her much after she died too.

Had a lovely night away for Valentine's as a break from it all. Did me good, I am now looking forward to the funeral on Friday.

Woke up to a message off an ex work colleague that her dad had passed away peacefully this morning. We bonded over our similar situations last year with the endless hospital visits etc.

I said to her that she would get a lot of people saying, "is there anything I can do" but that I was sincere in saying that as I would give any practical advice as needed.

Hello Sara I sometimes think that as the time grows longer between your loss and today it is a sad time as you realise how long it is since you have seen your mum.
The thing is that to everyone else, friends etc and maybe even some of the family they don't acknowledge that although we can appear on the outside to be" normal " on the inside our hearts are still broken. So they see the " normal" face and just think that we have now " got over " our great and very sad loss. For people who haven't yet lost a parent they actually don't know how awful and life changing this event is in our lives.
I was in a shop last weekend and got speaking to an old lady. She cried and told me she had lost her Dh 3 months before and they had been married 62 years. She was distraught and said that no- one knew how upset she was when she went in her front door and once again she was on her own. I felt so sad for her.
As for your dad, some people just go inside themselves and prefer to keep their grief private. But I am sure he will be missing your mum terribly in his own way. Maybe in time he will think about joining a club which will have something that interests him and maybe will help.
For yourself, I'm afraid there is no quick way to recover from this terrible time. We all take different amounts of time. And the best way is just to get through each day as it comes. Eventually you will have brighter days and will start your recovery. I am sure that your mum knew you loved her. You were there for her during her illness. Her birthday will be a sad day of remembrance for her, but the first year for special days is the worst really.
Take care of yourself, and as I say, just take each day as it comes 💐

Hi morethan I am glad you had a lovely Valentine's Day. Probably just what you needed as a bit of a lift.
I hope the funeral will be as you planned and that there is lots of support for you on Friday. It really does help to be surrounded on that day by people who care. 💐

I was just answering lazysusan's other post and realised tomorrow is a whole month since my Mum died. A month. It is still so raw, I have no idea how I'm going to get through this but have been looking at this thread for some comfort.

Hello callme I too felt like you and could not imagine how I could possibly go on without my mum. She was very special to me and we were very close as I expect you and your mum were. I'm not denying it took me a long time to get myself in a reasonable state of mind and was more able to cope with it. It is now 5 yrs for me and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. But eventually the raw grief you are feeling does get less, although in general the first year is tough as you have birthdays, mothers days etc to get through.
For now you can only get through it one day at a time, that is enough to cope with at this very early stage. Sooner or later you will find you get bigger gaps between feeling so low and you will find yourself being able to smile once again.
Your life will go on , as I'm sure your mum would wish it to, but it will now be a different life than the one you had.
Please do continue to post here for support. We all understand.
Take care of yourself and if it gets too much for you , maybe you might consider some counselling if it would suit for you. I personally didn't do this, but others have and found it helpful. 💐

Thank you mummylin, that's so kind of you. I'm sorry to hear about your mum too.

Hi callmesausage

Tomorrow is a month since my dad too.

Well everything is now all finalised at the funeral home. 'My husband asked to see my dad so I let him go in. I'd seen my mother in her casket but she had make up on and looked good. I didn't think my dad would especially as its been a month! (We desperately need another crem around here)
Anyway he said he looked ok so I went in, glad I did as he looked more himself than when he was in hospital in one of his favourite suits.

I totally get where you're coming from sausage. I was very close to my mum, it's been 8.5 years now.

I still miss her of course, but as mummylin said it does get easier with time.

Moreslack I am glad it made you feel better to see him. That's such a long time to wait for the funeral, thought ours was bad with just over a 3 week wait. My dad died coming up to 2 years now and I only recently (just before mum died) feel like I'm getting over it. Just shows how much we loved them and them us which is a fantastic testament to anybody. Hurts like shit though doesn't it?

Have you heard the saying that the price of love is grief ? How true that is.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow morethan 💐

I hadn't, but so true.

Yes, hope tomorrow goes as well as it can.