Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Mums funeral was today, it was hard really hard seeing the hearse arrive with mums coffin inside.

The funeral director and those who carried mums coffin were so respectful, bowing their heads as the hearse pulled up and again when she was placed in the crematorium chapel it made me cry just seeing the care they had taken.

I feel a sense of peace now that we no longer have to wait for her funeral I'm tired and feel like I haven't slept in months, took off my make up and thought I still had mascara around my eyes except it wasn't mascara it was just dark circles. Thanks for that, grief.

I went to see her yesterday, put a little perfume on her and took a lock of her hair. I miss her, she's in every moment of every day and it's raw.

Sending my thoughts to all of you who are grieving I'm so very sorry for your losses

I am glad that everything went well lazy I think it's a bit if relief when the funeral is over. The dread as its coming up is an awful feeling.
I too have some of my mums hair which I put in a gold locket. But then I was to scared to wear the locket in case I lost it. For my birthday last week my Dh bought me another locket so I can split the curl into two and wear one of them. I still think I will worry about losing it !
Now that the funeral is over, just try and get some time for yourself, even if only half an hour. It us sometimes nice to not have to speak to anyone for a while.
It's nice that the funeral directors were respectful. It all helps dosent it. 💐

That's nice that you have a lock of her hair. Take care of yourself.

My Dad died 6 years ago and I feel I still haven't got over it, when I start to feel better it suddenly all comes back resulting in tears and feeling down and lost, I lost my mother did 34years ago but I still miss her now.

I don't think it ever goes away Mrsdarcy my mum died 5 yrs ago and like you sometimes it just feels so new still. It just takes a single thing and it sets me off thinking about that time all over again. I can't believe it is so long since I last saw her. It is heartbreaking sometimes.

lazy glad funeral went "well". How lovely to have a lock of hair
mrsdarcy I list my mum 27years ago. Still feels like yesterday sometimes...

Today I took kids to buy bikes after unexpectedly my dad had enough insurance for both funeral and bit left over for each of us.he rode til in 70s then arthritis in knees stop him,so seem fitting.watch them giggling and riding made me think of him and I struggled to keep smiling and enjoying their childish excitement.thoughts of be pop on his crossbar as a small child filled my head.I miss him so much.he would be 86 on 20th Feb

Still, it's lovely that they have something that makes your memories smile.
Thank you mummylin

Hi everyone,

Sorry for all your losses

My Dad died on 11th January quite suddenly age 58.Funeral was on 31st January.

It all felt a bit strange after the funeral. I just remember not crying and feeling very matter of fact for a couple of weeks, thinking of him
everyday but silly stuff like if it was raining I would think "dad's never going to see rain again" or if I was going the weekly shop "dad's never going to shop again"

These past few days I have felt have random moments of overwhelming sadness and tears out of the blue.

I have read about grief taking time to catch up on us sometimes? It just catches me by surprise how it come out of nowhere 😢 xx

Hi all,

I started clearing my mums room at the weekend. I can't believe she's never going to wear all her beautiful clothes again. Everybody keeps saying how well I'm doing but I feel like I'm swinging between pretending she's gone on holiday and just wanting to wail I want my mum. Just to hold her hand and talk to her about silly stuff again.
Thank you to everyone on here who makes me feel like it's not just me. That it's ok to feel like life might be good again but it's never going to be as wonderful without my mum to share it with.
xx

Hi noway sorry to read of your loss. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and this stage goes on for quite a while I'm afraid. The smallest thing can suddenly set you off. I used to think " oh , mum can't see this lovely day " etc. And when I lost my sister I used to pretend she had moved to Australia, because then I wouldn't of seen her anyway. Grief is a very strange emotion and can affect us all so differently, but the basics are the same for all. Overwhelming sadness and loss. As the time goes on it does improve and the happier days become more and the crying days less. What I believe is that it's best to just get through each day for now, don't focus too far ahead whilst you are dealing with your unhappiness. I promise it will eventually ease. 💐

Hello Frazzle you are doing well to be able to clear your mums things, I couldn't face it and luckily my aunt ( mums sister ) did that part for me. See my post for noway about imagining a holiday !
It is a horrible task to do and makes you feel heartbroken.
I do have to say that life for me is not the same without my mum, we used to have such a laugh and see each other most days. Life is fine now, but will never be the same. This is what we have to get used to and it does take time. Don't try and suppress your sadness, it's fine to have a good old cry. I am so sorry for your loss 💐

Hi everyone - funeral went really well on Friday, good turnout, funny service, dry and sunny weather and the buffet was great!

Just been very sad over the weekend. Went out for a drink Saturday afternoon with DH and one of my best friends (6 years older than me) was out for a meal and drinks with her mum. Made me realise all I've lost. Had to call in to work yesterday as I couldn't cope with "people".

Feeling better today and will turn up for my shift tomorrow. This evening will be ongoing with clearing my dad's flat.

Zoo - I love that you got the kids bikes!

Frazzle - it's hard isn't it? 'My mum was stylish too and I remember being so sad bagging it all up for the charity shop.

No way - I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's sudden passing at a relatively young age. Grief does have that nasty habit.i thought I'd been styling it out well until the weekend.

Dad would've been 86 today
I know he had dementia and wasn't "my dad" in his prime. But he was still here, and I know that's horribly selfish but I just want him back
We are try teach the kids to remember people positively,so dad loved Norman wisdom I might try see any his films on line to introduce them too as cycling after school(one dads other loves)be too much fir youngest one who has hyperobile joints.
He was a gardener large chunk his life working on both castle Ashby estate and Luton hoo estate.I attacked dome huge brambles in my garden today as its so mild. Reminded me of moving into a house when I was 5 and he spent couple weeks reclaiming huge back garden from brambles taller than me!

Can you get some cake to share maybe with the boys after school to mark your dad's birthday?

I never need an excuse for cake moreslack
I can't find a free viewing online,so be a get out the photos moment(if I can be brave enough)and talk how he was when I was their age

How is everyone doing? I just feel desperately sad all the time and still cry several times a day. I know it will get easier, but boy it's tough.

Hi callme yes it's a terribly sad time, but eventually it does get better. It will never go completely, but it gets easier to accept. We will never forget the loved ones we have lost and they will always be in our hearts. But we owe it to them to have the best life we can despite our awful losses. Don't worry about tears etc, it's all perfectly normal and understandable. 💐

Hi, this is my first message on mumsnet. I only joined today. I lost my mum 6 months ago - I am devastated and cry most days. Very low.

Hello smiler I am sorry to hear you are so down. But you are still in grieving mode and what you are going through is perfectly normal. I think I can safely say that the first year is the absolute pits. You have birthdays, anniversaries etc to face and it hurts.
In the beginning I could not see how I would function without my lovely mum, I was convinced that I would always feel the way I felt when she died. But gradually I began to recover, although for me it took a while.
We have to carry on with our lives, although it will always be a different life now.
I hope you have supportive family and friends to help you through. It will get better eventually 💐

Thanks Mummylin. Today has been such a struggle and it is lovely to get such a nice message.
I have my mum's perfume upstairs by my bed but I haven't got the strength to smell it. I do have a great husband and am going to grief counselling but she died in my arms and I just want to feel her again but of course that's impossible.
Just had to say this all "out loud".

Oh gosh, you must of been through a very traumatic time. So as well as the grieving, you must of been in some shock as well. No wonder you feel as you do.
When you feel more up to it maybe you will be able to use your mums perfume in some way. A little spray on your pillow, or onto a tissue or something similar.
The hard part is the accepting bit. I found it impossible to believe that the world just continued the same old way when my mum died, I wanted to scream at everyone " don't you know my mum died " I have no idea what I thought should happen.
I still sometimes look out of my kitchen window and think I see my mums car ready to pull up.
And the thing is, it's so different for everyone. Some maybe move on a lot quicker than others and others which include me, found it impossible for quite some time.
It's good to see you have a supportive Dh , that will help a lot.

I get that too Mummylin and want to shout the same thing. I also think that once the funeral over, people kind of expect you to get back to normal. I have had lots of support though, just feel when people ask me how I am, they don't really want the truth ifkwim.

Mummylin and Callmesausage, I think everyone disappears after the funeral... and you're right when you do see people and they ask how you are - they don't really want to see the tears and heartbreak.
My poor wee Dad wants me to start sorting through her stuff tomorrow - not sure I can. I've been treasuring her old dressing gown, complete with cigarette holes ( which we used to argue about ) - dear lord I wish she was here right now having one of her sneaky cigarettes.

The thing is when someone asks how we are, we all put on a smile and say "oh I'm fine thanks " But people only see the face we plaster on, they cannot see the pain and sorrow we are going through on the inside, and somehow it makes them feel better if we say we are ok ! Then they eventually stop asking as they think that in just a short while we have gone back to our normal self. How wrong they are, we can never go back to his we were and it bloody well hurts. And it hurts when people that should be, or we thought they would be supportive aren't. This sometimes is a test of real friendship and it has caused long term friendships ( or in my case my neighbour ) to discontinue. It's very sad but that's how life goes it seems
when we lose someone close.
Don't worry about the holes in the dressing gown, that was a part of your mums life, just treasure it if it makes you feel closer to her.
For you both 💐💐