Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

[Baddz]

I got the job!
:)

[candykane25]

Hi all.

Isnt time strange. Sept 23 willmark one year since my dad died. A year ago we did a family photo shoot as we had been told my dad would not have much longer. He was just about still getting out and about and looks great on the photos. You would never tjink a few weeks later he would be gone.
Just looking a those photos now, theres a lovely ine of just me and my dad and its obvious how close we are, we are sat close up and relaxed and smiling. Love is timeless and as time has gone by i feel no less closeness to him. The love is always there.
By god i miss him and the tears flow frequently but i love him just the same as before he was gone and i know that will never change.

[supermariossister]

well done badz happy for you

and well done chicken it takes courage to walk away even when it's for the best

nice to read that candy the photos sound like they mean a lot to you.

[ssd]

welldone baddz thats fantastic!

[mummylin2495]

Good one badvoc !
candy I am glad that you have such happy photo.s to keep. I don't think the love ever gies. Just like you I love my mum exactly the same as if she were still here. The physical presence I miss terribly and nothing can make up for that. They say love knows no boundaries and I guess death is one of those boundaries. I hope we will all feel real happiness one day.
Chicken, you will meet someone when you least expect to maybe in the supermarket or something !

[candykane25]

Thats a lovely way of putting it - love knows no boundaries.
Chicken, i have been married for 2yrs to the most wonderful man - i too chose to wait out for a decent guy with good values who treats me well and thats what he gets from me too.
Sounds like you know what you want and you'll recognise it when you see it.

[chickennoodle]

Candykane, I'm sorry you're so upset lately ... I have an impromptu selfie that I took of me & my dad 10 days before he died ... It's probably the only photo I have that's less than 3 years old of him because I couldn't/didn't want to take any of him
thank you ladies for your kind words, I left my exh (father of my kids) who I thought was my soulmate because he didn't treat me right ... If I can walk away from him, I can walk away from any bloke & I know exactly what I'm worth he's a bit angry with me but I know he's just angry because he's been caught out lying & he's lost his cushy f*ck buddy/mate ... oh well lol it really is his loss !!! x

[chickennoodle]

Well done baddz x

[ssd]

oh god I feel for you electrolux , I know how it feels to be alone after the funeral, the family that I have left, left straight away, back to their exciting busy lives and I was left to totally grieve alone. I haven't seen them since, they've got no interest in me or my kids. I struggled too, really badly. Time helps, but its something that stretches in front of you and feels never ending. Can you phone the CPN, is that possible? also you can phone cruise on their generic helpline, someone will talk to you and listen to your feelings. I know you might not feel ready for that just now, but keep it in mind for the future days and weeks ahead, it may make you feel slightly better to think there will be someone there to listen when the hurt gets too much.

and theres always this thread, someone will answer you and listen.

just keep taking one day at a time and know you're not alone xxx

cruse bereavement care 0844 477 9400 (I hate these 0844 numbers, they arent cheap, so e mailing instead may be an option; [email protected])

[mummylin2495]

Oh electrolux how sad everything us for you. It seems that everything has come crashing down for you at the moment. Is there anything we can do to help ?
I know the feeling of wondering why everyone is just going about their daily business when we have just suffered a life changing loss. We expect that everyone should realise what has happened.
If you lived near me I would come and help you.
You are not alone we will help you through here

[ssd]

I found other numbers for cruse on the saynoto0870 website, it says the direct number is 0113 344 3117, but it says there is a free number from mobiles, it might be worth double checking with your mobile provider just incase, the number is 0808 8081677, it says this number is " Care Helpline
0808 number is free to call from mobile operators: Virgin Mobile, Orange, 3, T-Mobile, Vodafone and O2"

if its free and you can call them, I'd really recommend them. I seen cruse after my mum died and my family forgot me, but I had to wait months for an appointment. the helpline is there when you just need to tell someone how you feel.

[candykane25]

Hi electrolux just wanted to say you are not alone.
Everything has memories attached for me too.
One day at a time, and you can say whatever you like here, 24/7.

[mummylin2495]

Yes you do electrolux , you are not alone. I know we are only people at the end of a screen, but we can be your friends. I find it very sad that things have been so bad for you In your childhood and now it seems nothing much has changed for you.
Maybe In time you and your mum will be able to make things better than they are now, but it could be that you will never get the mum / daughter relationship. But you could still have some sort of relationship hopefully.
All the family troubles of course will only add to the sadness you are feeling right now over your dad.
It sounds like you have done your best to raise your children and you are to be commended for that,despite difficult times.
Things will get better but it will take a while,,don't try to run before you can walk , one day at a time is the mantra x

[starfish12]

Hi all

Electrolux - my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Keep reminding yourself what a good person you are and in the absence of family surround yourself with friends who love you.

I cried today. My 22month old saw a pic of my dad today and said 'dandad gone'. Given he died when he was just 16 months I was amazed he would say that esp as we live a 6hr drive away and weren't part of his everyday life. Think it was just the innocence and obviousness of his words that got to me.

[chickennoodle]

Hi Electrolux, I felt judged by my family for a long time ... I think they still do to a certain extent (I didn't marry for money etc) but after counselling (for other things) I realised that it doesn't matter, I know I'm a good person & my children might not have been born with a silver spoon in their mouth, but they're amazing kids & everyone who knows us ... can't help but like us, we're clever funny & kind just a few weeks ago I did a favour/good deed for someone I haven't seen since school & when I mentioned it to my mum, she asked why I was doing it (literally 10 mins of my time if that) and I said "because I'm nice like that, she needs help & I can help her" & she snorted & laughed at me but I really don't give a shit, as long as you know the real you I don't have any family support with my kids, but again, it's them that's losing out. Have you considered counselling? It really can make so much difference !!! But whatever you do, keep posting ... I consider everyone on here to be my friends even though we'll never meet just to know that I can post random stuff, get support, know that "you" all understand & won't judge ... that's priceless ???? x

[ssd]

totally agree chickennoodle

[ssd]

we're waiting on exam results here

bloody mumsnet, already certain posters have been on saying how well their dd's have done and posting their results, its all brag brag brag

thank god I dont do facebook!

[chickennoodle]

Good luck for your dd ssd x

[ssd]

thanks! (he's a ds, I meant it seems to be girls mums bragging on another thread..)..I hate this time, a special event, it shows me how much our lack of family means, I'll be utterly amazed if any of my siblings ask how he got on and there is no one else to ask apart from them...hope he doesnt notice, as long as he's ok, I'm ok.

[chickennoodle]

Oops sorry ssd !!!! I don't know what he's expected to do (my eldest wasn't very academic) but as long as they & you are happy with the results then that's all that matters good luck ssd's son x

[ssd]

hehe thanks xxx

[mummylin2495]

Hello everyone, I missed going to the crem on Sunday as I went out with my family to a chilli festival. So I went last evening instead as our crem is open until 8pm in the summer months, anyway I don't know if anyone will remember the story about the old man visiting his wife's grave. He was there again last night and as we were leaving he was literally draped over his wife's headstone. He looked so sad and once again I was tempted to go over to him. I think he must be heartbroken and his wife's grave was there before my mums. Made me feel very sad for him.
I was also very tempted to remove dead flowers off some of the graves, but didn't like to.
One day I am sure I will go and speak to the old man, as dh and I were saying Maybe she was all he had in the world. It's very sad.

[ssd]

oh mummylin, thats heartbreaking. Please go and speak to him next time, I cant bear to think of old people alone, it breaks my heart. My mum would have been like that if we werent here. So very sad.