Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

[supermariossister]

ds has had a really good day lots to keep him busy. just read the card off dps mum about how he is 8 and grown up now from nannie and grandad. she's lovely dps mum treats them all the same despite not meeting ds until he was two but it cut like a bloody knife reading that. I wish my mum was here to see him growing up and sending grandson cards. feel like a really horrible person being upset!

[ssd]

you're not horrible at all sm, what you feel is normal to me, I can remember saying to a friend I wish my dad was here to see ds and not FIL, she said oh thats a terrible thing to say, and I've never forgot it, but like you I just wanted my dad to see ds

I know exactly how you feel, but glad ds had a good day x

[supermariossister]

glad you don't think I'm a super bitch, totally feel like one! how's things

[Bonkers1]

Actually I went to see Dad today. I built up so many nerves I felt sick. First of all I was shocked at seeing him, his mouth was a bit odd and he looked like a gruesome version of himself. Then I sat next to him and he looked better at that angle, looked more like him. I half expected him to wake up or smile. I then broke down as the realisation sank in that this was real, he's not coming back, this is the last time I'll see him in the flesh. Then it struck me how vulnerable he looked . He was so not a vulnerable person but somehow he looked fragile in that coffin. That just made me sad.

I feel alot better now that I'm home, a bit stronger. I can't say it was a comforting experience, but I was glad to say bye to him. I actually went back a second time to say Bye properly without the initial shock of seeing him. I won't go back tomorrow though.

Happy birthday to your DS SuperMariossister. I hope he had a good day. Sending you and everyone else positive thoughts and hugs. x

[supermariossister]

I am glad that you got through the day bonkers and you got to say goodbye. I like to think the thing that made him who he was isn't there that stays behind with you in your memories and in you. hope you find some peace tonight

[Bonkers1]

Yes, I did feel like he was just an empty shell and that his soul has gone somewhere else, who knows where. I'm not religious, I don't know what I believe but I had a lovely dream last night. Dad was talking to me quite calmly from a place high in the sky. I said to him why are you in limbo, why can't you "go". He said to me "I can't go until you let me go". It made utter sense and I woke up with a start. It was a lovely dream, I hope I have more of them.

[ssd]

That was a really nice dream bonkers1, I really want to have a dream with my mum and dad in it but I never have! As I said before, I didn't see my mum as they advised me not to, but I really totally felt it wasn't her there, my db said when I told him I'd gone there, didn't you find it weird to think she's there and I said but it isn't her, I just didn't feel at all it was mum there. I felt different when my mum died to when my dad died, I cant explain without sounding weird but I felt a lot more spiritual when mum died, I could feel things really clearly, like I knew what was going on with her, I know that sounds weird so I'll shut up now! I just felt like I was getting a lot of help from somewhere, cos I wasn't getting any help down here.

[mummylin2495]

Good morning everyone, having trouble with our Internet here, despite dh calling virgin twice last night !
SM I hope your ds had a lovely birthday
bonkers happy to see that you made a visit to your mum! I wish I could have a nice dream about my mum! she has been in a couple but she didn't say anything at all.
ssd I was very lucky in that my mum looked just the same! but asleep. It's the coldness I found difficult and no answer when I spoke to her. Oh god why is it so bloody hard after all this time .
I miss you mum x

[ssd]

it just goes on and on, doesnt it mummylin?

[chickennoodle]

(((Hugs))) to everyone ... because I have nothing constructive to say x

[mummylin2495]

I have just had a parcel delivered for my gs. It's only small but I missed delivery yesterday. The delivery girl told me she took it to my neighbour and he refused to take it, this is the neighbour who ignored my mums death, I am livid as we have taken so many in for him in the past, obviously not since my mum died. I am building up to giving him a mouthful and telling him what I think of him. There is a lot of things that have happened concerning his elderly mum ( now dead ) and he was awful to her etc. I bit my tongue then ( mostly ) and fed her when he wouldn't etc, she stayed with my mum when she came down for a holiday and also stayed with us several times. He wouldn't even come round to see her, nor his son, who she actually idolised. Oh there is so much and I know I will say something sooner or later. Aaaaaah I am in such a bad mood now !

[supermariossister]

sounds like an utter twat ml, sorry to bring the tone of the thread down but you know how I feel about people that don't bother with their families as we all probably feel. I'm swinging between telling you to give him hell or just ignore because that will probably annoy him more! don't think I'd be able too though specially if you did so much for his mum when he wouldn't step up.

[mummylin2495]

He and his son treated her terribly. She actually moved down here to live with him, the he kicked her out and put all her stuff in the garden ! She was 73 yrs old ! My mum found her somewhere to live for a whole then the council gave her a flat , but she went back up north, but we kept in touch and she still came for holidays. She went Into a home and dh went up twice to visit. Then last year she died and he didn't even bother to tell us until a month later. She was so frail even when she moved down here, and he stopped giving her meals. So I fed her, how could I not. He was a bastard to her. He lost a lot of friends when they knew what he had done. I still have a box of stuff she gave me. She never forgave him, but he was her only son so of course still loved him. Poor lady treated despicably . I am so angry today about him , all sparked by the parcel ! I know he will get it with both barrels eventually , I am not known for being a shrinking violet !

[Baddz]

Oh Lin :(
My aunts children were a bit like this. They bankrupted her, and then pretty much abandoned her. She said she would do everything the same again...but I wonder?
I am helping run a holiday club on Thursday (the anniversary of dads funeral) so an hoping that helps keep my mind off things.
Dh and ds1 are off on a boys only trip leaving ds2 and I. And I start work this weekend!
Grr.

[ssd]

oh mummylin, I hope you give him hell! Dont miss and hit the wall, as we say here!! what an utter B!! I feel the same way, people who ignore their elderly relatives are lower than worms.

good luck on Thursday badvoc, the kids here go back to school that day, I hate it when they go back

[mummylin2495]

Hi all, hope everyone is ok. Miserable here today which dosent help does it ! I thought my iPad had broken when the site got hacked! My garden need tidying, but it's pouring with rain here.
For the newest posters hope you are all looking after yourselves and taking things day by day.

[ssd]

hi mummylin, well the kids went back to school today and the sun was shining, after 7 weeks of solid rain, bar two days, its been the hottest day of the summer here

we're getting the rain tomorrow again

[Bonkers1]

Mummylin, that sounds so awful. I believe in fate and what goes around comes around so I hope he will realise and be shamed by his behaviour one day. Some people are just made of stone.

We had my Dad's funeral on Wednesday. Right up until the last minute I felt as though I couldn't do it but it all runs like clockwork and I just got in the car and followed the hearse in a daze. At the crematorium there was no time to wait which was a good thing too. I broke down going into the service and walking out but in the middle I was able to listen to the words and even smile. His eulogy written by my mum (read by my uncle) was funny and warm, just like him. My nephew aged 12 was extra brave and said a few words with a funny anecdote about my Dad building a stunt course for his new stabiliser-free bike which didn't end well!

The whole thing was an amazing send off and I am lucky to have such a large loving family as that is what has got me though this. I was touched by my Dad's friends sobbing. I don't know why it surprised me but I'm glad they did as I wanted everyone to be affected by Dad's death. I know that is really selfish.

Yesterday I felt so flat, sad, angry and empty. It was as if someone suddenly said to me "oh sorry, didn't you realise, he's never coming back - this it is now, this is it for the rest of your life". I went to bed and cried for hours. Mum spent the night on her own for the first time in 45 years (apart from Dad's few days in hospital). She texted saying she'd found a lit candle (one of those fake ones) behind a card and she felt comforted by it.

Today I feel alot stronger. I know this will be a rollercoaster now so I will take each day as it comes.

Thank you for reading my long post and for being there.

[chickennoodle]

Bonkers, I'm glad you got through the day xx

[mummylin2495]

bonkers so glad that you managed to have a little smile at funny memories at your dads service. It is all the happy memories that keep us going, although sometimes it works the opposite and they can be upsetting as it makes us realise what we have lost. It's all so complicated isn't it. But for you the day is now in the past . Don't look too far into the future for now, it's enough to cope with each day, and remember to look after yourself.
Well it's now pouring down here so it's going to be a wet miserable day. All my lovely flowers getting beaten down !
I too believe in karma, and I do hope my neighbour gets his just deserts. He has been a pig regarding his mum. Lots of us, not just me , but old friends will never forget what he did. We never told him we went up to Yorkshire to visit her. He would just of shrugged his shoulders.he didn't even bother with her for about the last 17 yrs ! She was 90 when she died.

[chickennoodle]

I went to one of weekly hobbies last night & as I looked in my bag, a tiny fluffy white feather fell out I do have feather cushions but any that escape look haggard !!! And I do have cats, but they haven't caught any birds lately ... And the chances of one feather staying fluffy & ending up in my bag, is very slim ... so I've put the feather in a safe place to keep ... sounds silly, but I've found a few fluffy white feathers in my house, in places where it's impossible for them to be I believe so I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it made me feel happy xx

[mummylin2495]

I too have white feathers chicken. I like to believe it. It gives me some comfort.

[chickennoodle]

It's been raining heavily where I am, I was heading to the gym this morning & found another fluffy white feather, bone dry on the path in front of me I'm feeling very loved right now x

[dynevoran]

My dad died this morning and I don't know what to do with myself. Someone help me please

Someone tell me it's gojng to be okay because right now it doesn't feel real. I can't cope with this ...its too painful

[supermariossister]

we are here and have all been through the same feeling of disbelief as you. you will get through it even if it doesn't feel like that. do you want to tell us about him