My baby son 'Bertie' died on the 8.11 - heartbroken

[rahrah1]

Hi all, I have used mumsnet through my pregnany, and gave birth to my baby son when he was only 24 weeks. I had a very troublesome pregnany and my membranes broke at 23 weeks. At 24 weeks they induced as I was having big bleeds from the placenta, had a strep b and there was no fluid around the baby. Therefore the consultant felt it was the safe option to give everyone the best chance to deliver. I had bleeding throughout my pregnancy and was in and out of hospital. But at no point could they do anything. The whole experience has been truely traumatic and we really had hoped that our little son would make it. When he was born he was taken to neo-natal and showed lots of good signs. But it soon became obvious that he was going to suffer long term damage if we kept him ventilated, due to the immaturity of his lungs. We had made a decision with the doctors that if he was to become disabled through treatment then we would end his suffering. We took him off the ventilator after 6hrs. I feel every inch of my body aching for him, as he was so perfect... but my body just let him down. He was a good weight of 710grams and was perfect in every way. He tried to cry, gripped on to his ventilator...held our hands, we tickled his feet and he reacted... he brought me more pleasure than anything else in this world. He is also our first born and I'm not sure how I am going to move on. When all my friends and relatives are here Im ok, but as soon as they leave I breakdown and cry until it really hurts. The funeral is soon and everyone will be getting back to their normal lifes...when I am stuck in a spiral of what ifs and what should of been. God I miss him so much.....

[rahrah1]

Ammy12 - Are you a Nurse/Doc? My consultant is really nice - You might know him - Mr Wood. I have an appointment with him tomorrow.. to discuss everything (What happened, future pregnancies etc..)One thing I have to say about Walgrave is that they do have some very talented/skilled staff - but are over stretched. There was one nurse that looked after Bertie and she was a complete angel... so professional and caring... Some people are defo in the right jobs!

[rahrah1]

Hi all, just went to consultants. We are no further forward on knowing what happened to disrupt the pregnancy so much to lead to the prematurity of Bertie, except I do not have a Bio-chemical issue or gentic disorder. They did not have the genetic tests for Bertie back or the results from my placenta. But they know of examination of the placenta after delivery it was unhealthy. They took bloods from me today to test my bloods to see if I have a blood clotting issue and need aspirin (or if needed fragmin or heprain)(apparently they can only take blood after pregnancy for the best reading - as I thought they had done these tests before I left the hospital after delivery). Rather disappointed not to find out why at this point, as it is hard to move on... but decided we will start to TTC again, as had previous fertility issues. The blood tests only take two weeks to come back in - so if we need any treatment then we will be ok for that. Consultant is just a bit worried about detachment from one pregnancy to another... But me and DH feel its the best thing for us, as we both know we will never replace Bertie or have him back. We are accepting that our lives will be different now and we will always crave him and love him forever.

Thanks you all for your support, it has been very much appreciated XX