Hi all, I have used mumsnet through my pregnany, and gave birth to my baby son when he was only 24 weeks. I had a very troublesome pregnany and my membranes broke at 23 weeks. At 24 weeks they induced as I was having big bleeds from the placenta, had a strep b and there was no fluid around the baby. Therefore the consultant felt it was the safe option to give everyone the best chance to deliver. I had bleeding throughout my pregnancy and was in and out of hospital. But at no point could they do anything. The whole experience has been truely traumatic and we really had hoped that our little son would make it. When he was born he was taken to neo-natal and showed lots of good signs. But it soon became obvious that he was going to suffer long term damage if we kept him ventilated, due to the immaturity of his lungs. We had made a decision with the doctors that if he was to become disabled through treatment then we would end his suffering. We took him off the ventilator after 6hrs. I feel every inch of my body aching for him, as he was so perfect... but my body just let him down. He was a good weight of 710grams and was perfect in every way. He tried to cry, gripped on to his ventilator...held our hands, we tickled his feet and he reacted... he brought me more pleasure than anything else in this world. He is also our first born and I'm not sure how I am going to move on. When all my friends and relatives are here Im ok, but as soon as they leave I breakdown and cry until it really hurts. The funeral is soon and everyone will be getting back to their normal lifes...when I am stuck in a spiral of what ifs and what should of been. God I miss him so much.....