DH is dying

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

[Horsemad]

I'm sorry you are having problems with your BIL; what kind of person does that to somebody who is grieving? He ought to be ashamed of himself. If you want to pm me, please do.
I am so cross for you

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

I've resolved some of the issues caused by the phone call now and I'm feeling a bit calmer and relaxed now it's the weekend.
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were not too bad in the office; I found it easier to concentrate. We had a curry last night to celebrate and I went to bed at 7pm

[PacificDogwood]

I am glad you are having a calmer weekend, Calc.

Life just carries on, whether that seems appropriate to you or not, doesn't it?
Wishing you ongoing strength and serenity

[Mouldypineapple]

You sound like you're coping really well, all things considered. slowly, slowly...

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

Sometimes I'm all twitchy and find myself rocking back and to.

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Calcs, have you come accross this:

Secret Garden Clouring Book.? I have seen it before in Waterstones, but this time they were with the Mindfulness books. (Clever Waterson's employee!) They are bought by and for adults as a Mindfulness tool. I got the postcards and the notelets for on holiday, instead of a book. (Also told DD to make some as she is great at this type of line drawing!)

[PeaceOfWildThings]

^Clouring = Colouring

[lougle]

I have just come across your thread, Where, and you're completely right - there is no fairness in it. I used to work in a neurosurgical department and so many people were faced with that brutality - that even the morning of the event, everything was normal.

I think you are doing really well. I'm sure you're all crumbly on the inside and feel like you'll collapse at any moment, but you haven't. You've kept going.

[Horsemad]

Colouring books for adults are becoming very popular, I think they're a good idea; quite relaxing I'd imagine.
I keep saying I'm going to start knitting again; haven't done any for years but got lots of unused wool hidden away!

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

I just bought the secret garden colouring book. Thank you, it is lovely.

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Thanks for lwtting us know! I am thrilled you got the book.

I spent much of last night sharpening or yhrowing out my old colouring pencils, which the DCs had mostly dropped so often the leads had shattered. I'm not sure if I managed to get them sharp enough! I should really have a go, but I have got distracted with a couple of crochet projects. (I've just discovered it is possible to make fair isle style patterns with crochet, so I am hatching grand plans for DC's Christmas presents.)

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

hello
it's been a couple of weeks since I posted, I thought I'd say hello.

The sun shining has been nice the last week or so, I had a picnic lunch the other day and I had a feeling of wellbeing and a sense of peace which was nice.
I've booked a holiday (a cruise) for me and DS in June. really looking forward to that.
I am finding it much easier to cope at work now. I can concentrate on my work again without getting distracted.
Positive things. Saturday tomorrow, looking forward to a big long lie-in.

[PeaceOfWildThings]

That is sounding strong, realistic and lots to look forward to. You are doing so well! :)

[Horsemad]

Hello Calcs, I've only just seen your update. I did PM you a little while ago, but didn't want to hassle you
You are doing amazingly well. The cruise will be lovely, I'm sure.
Hope your DC are doing OK also.

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

Hello. Life trundles on. I'm not very well today (d&v) so I'm in bed and not at work.
I've been having some bereavement counselling. Not sure what to make of it really. I talk at this woman and she makes soothing noises and says I have every right to feel like that.
I feel quite tired a lot of the time. I think it's fatigue caused by stress. Plus waking up several times a night after nightmares.

[magimedi]

Sorry to hear you have a bug.

The tiredness is a totally normal part of grief & bereavement - after my mother dies I was shattered for many months.

Be kind to yourself & sleep whenever you can.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Horsemad]

Hello Calc, hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Grief is tiring, I'm afraid it does catch up with you after a while and the tiredness hits.

How are your DC doing?

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

hello
I received my wooly hug blanket yesterday, It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen (possibly apart from my babies and grand baby, but you know what I mean!)
You know that question, if your house was on fire and you could only rescue one thing what would it be? For the first time I have an answer - my woolly hug :)
I wrote this to knotty and pistey, and the woolly hug people:

I'm trying to put into words how I felt when I opened the parcel with my big woolly hug in it... Words don't seem enough some how. Everything I write is an understatement.
I am thrilled yet so sad. I am deeply touched by the care, love and skill that has gone into it, yet wish that I had never needed one to be made for me. I am delighted with all of the different squares; hearts, flowers, butterflies, owls, planes, cars (and margarita glasses of course!) Yet full of pain that I am sat here alone without Bill at my side.
It holds a very special place in my heart, I know I will never be without it and wrapping myself up in it feels amazing.
Thank you x

[birdladyfromhomealone]

Just read your whole thread and had a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. You are such a strong courageous lady. I hope your and our two children are all still taking care of each other. It is still such early days and I cant imagine how much you must miss your husband.
I received a cornea from a brave,generous family like yours. Your husband will have changed several families lives because of his and your generosity. Never forget his passing has brought light into others life so there is a glimmer of good in that? Take care of yourself.

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

hello
the anniversary of DH's death is tomorrow (Valentine's Day)
Life is shit, isn't it?

[StealthPolarBear]

It is x

[FraterculaArctica]

I don't know what to say, but I just wanted to acknowledge the anniversary of your loss. So sorry x

[PhilPhilConnors]

So sorry x

[Inaminutenow]

Hi Calculators,
Tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of my DH's cancer diagnosis. He passed away on 7th Feb 14. Can't believe how quickly time has gone.
Take care!

[buckingfrolicks]

This must be a terrible day for you Calculator, and for your DCs. I wish you strength and courage to face the next year