DH is dying

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

My turn to hug our Calculators!

For everybody:

We are here.

You are grieving and understandable that you're having such a tough time.

Talk more here if it would help.
Do you have any counselling lines up?

The funeral is all arranged for next week. He chose the music himself following his parents' funeral in January. (Could be considered a bit controversial but he was known for his wicked sense of humour). I've written some words and have asked BIL to read them because I know that I won't be able to speak.
I've had the photo upthread printed at 20"x16" and it looks lovely in a posh frame for at the front of the service.
I guess I will be ready to go back to work afterwards. At least if I'm in the office I won't feel so lonely when I get home in the evening. I need to focus on the positive, I've been really strong. I haven't broken down. I haven't suffered with panic attacks and agoraphobia.

Yes, and you have started the grieving process which is a sign of strength too, a sign that you can allow yourself that.

My screen name is a poem. Ive just written the poem in a card for you to post with squares for you woolly hug. I find the poem helps me. It's helped me today to write it out for you. xx

(I don't like to break copyright and paste the poem here.)

The Peace Of Wild Things

So sorry for your loss calculators

I don't have much to offer other than t'interweb hugs from a stranger and to let you know there's a walking dead thread here in case you want a place where you chat about something else for a while.

Remember you could ask for a phased return to work to see how you go

and when you need to let go of anger etc there's always the sweary thread.
you are most welcome
(I'll pm you a link later if you want)

May I ask what the music will be?

That's a lovely poem, thank you

Always look on the bright side of life, bat out of hell and 'firestarter' (the idea of firestarter in the crematorium when the curtains are going across tickled him enormously)

Great choice of songs! I bet lots of people want ones like that but they're not brave enough! I think it's great when people discuss these things in advance. Makes things a tiny bit easier. I am encouraging all my family to think about their own funerals and make some notes - readings, hymns etc to help whoever is left behind.

Oh, Calc, you are doing so, so well, dealing with the practical and your emotions as well as you are

Great songs - they fit my idea of what he might have been like which I developed based on what you said and that photo

I have just read this whole thread. So sorry for your loss

I recognise you as a poster, because I always grin at the Red Dwarf reference in your name (unless that is a coincidence, and now I'll look stupid).

I think you are being amazingly strong xxx

Wishing you all the strength in the world for Friday, I will be thinking of you x

Not friday sorry next week, don't know where Friday came from!

Firestarter!!!!! I genuinely choked on my battenberg when I read that!!!!

What a truely amazing person your OH must have been

That song will put a smile on your face in the coming months.
Your DH truely had an amazing sense of humour!!!!

how are you today lovely?
seen your post on WH thread.

I hope funeral preps are going as smoothly as possible. it must be heartbreaking to have to do it

Hello Zing. I'm bored today. I was supposed to be visiting DD but she's not been well with D&V and didn't want me to come. DS and I went to the cinema and for fish and chips yesterday so today is just watching tv and playing games. I should probably clean something or do some laundry, meh.
I guess I am really ready to be back at work but I am signed off until after the funeral. In limbo with there being such a long wait.

Probably a long shot but if you are bored you can always come over. there's baby to chase, DD to play games with, heck we have a beer fridge and lots of . and some
tempted?

Boredom is crap. had a chunck of it today, mixed with frustration
May I suggest you start playing Hay Day? It's a really good get away. and when you reach level 29 you can join are neighbourhood. I'll make sure you can.

hope you find something good to watch. if you have Netflix I recommend White Collar. really good.

big hugs

*our neighbourhood

not are

You are kind but I don't think my anxiety would allow me to go to meet someone I don't know in real life... It sounds so lame after you've been so nice, I'm sorry.

I got sucked into farmville when that was all the rage a while back, daren't risk it.
When I've done my crochet course I might be brave enough to meet up with an aim to make a square or two.

Terry Pratchett died :(

I didn't mean to make you feel worse. sorry. we'll just love you from the distance

whenever you are ready, it's an open invite with no "use by" date!

Yes. [flowers and a raised for Terry Pratchett.

I think my favourite was Death and his horse Binky. DH liked Gaspode (woof, bloody woof)