DH is dying

[WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo]

I don't even know what topic to put this in. My DH had a brain haemorrhage yesterday morning, the doctors have said it's not survivable. He's 60 years old and my best friend as well as my husband, we've been married for 23 years. I was sat at the bedside in ICU yesterday thinking that I wasn't going to post on mumsnet, even though like a lot of us I spend quite a bit of time here and feel like part of the community, but at 3 o'clock in the morning when you're all alone it seems like a good idea.
I got sent home from the hospital 'to try to get some sleep'.

I saw Usher on his big boat. We went to Miami, Cape Canaveral, Naples, down to Key West and then took a cruise to the Bahamas. I didn't like the Bahamas much, it was not wheelchair friendly.

sounds like a fab trip (minus wheelchair trouble).

Farthest I've been to was Mexico. honeymoon. was good fun

It's the funeral this afternoon. I'm not doing very well. Everyone has been saying after the funeral I can go back to work and 'move forward' and 'face the world' etc etc. but I don't want to.
I don't want to be single. I don't want to tick that box on forms. I don't want to face the world or get back to normal.

oh Calc

I'm so sorry.
I'll light a candle for MrCalc now

Thinking of you and your DH today.

I'm so sorry

You are grieving and there is no schedule for that. No one should tell you what to do or how your grief should progress. You will feel like 'moving forward' when you're ready not when other people tell you to. Please be very gentle to yourself. I will be thinking of you and your DH today XXX

H Calc you poor love

I do hope it goes as well as can be expected today. I will be thinking of you and your DH.

Thinking of you Calculators. I think a lot of the time people don't know what to say and want to say

I hope you find people who listen to you.

i've been thinking about you today x

I'm home, it's all over. Thank fuck for that.

do you want to talk Calc?

I hope you are too tired to cry tonight and will sleep ok.
massive hugs
(sorry if I say stupid things )

Thinking of you

I'm okay. I have a cat on my lap and a big glass of fizz. There were loads and loads of people at the funeral. The music went down well. Lots of chuckles at always look on the bright side of life and firestarter.

I suppose that is as good as it gets at a funeral.

I think I might fancy "Don't stop me now" for mine

Aw, Calc

Don't let anybody tell you how to feel and certainly not random internet strangers like me

It sounds like your DH would've approved of events today.

Calc

I have only just read your thread, thanks to finding it through the lovely Woolly Hugs. I am so, so sorry to hear of your husband's death. I will PM you if that's ok. xxxxx

Been thinking of you today Calc, hope you are doing ok.

Just to say my thoughts are with you tonight, take care.

Hello Calc, how are you doing?

Hello, thanks for asking, it's like a winding journey isn't it?
Monday I went back to work... I was surprised how hard it was. The time dragged, I can't concentrate and I'm finding it hard to give a toss about anything.
Monday afternoon my BIL called me and said some pretty outrageous things. I can't go into detail as I am very recognisable here, I can pm the details if anyone (already on the thread) is interested. I had a massive panic attack that affected me all evening and I didn't sleep a wink. So couldn't go to work yesterday.
Today work was better.
DS and I are staying positive. We are enjoying meal planning and cooking together, our house has never been calmer or tidier (DH was a messy ball of stress) and our cats are adorable.

bumping for you in hope someone you know comes along - sounds like you could do with off-loading the BIL crap and he sounds like a right cunt

i don't know know you well enough Calc but do PM me if you need to rant.
so sorry it's so hard

Calc how awful that he is saying horrible things, disgusting man. Xx

You can certainly pm me, I'd be interested to know what he saulid.

However he is being mean to you while you are down and no matter what he said, his timing and his manner and his whole attitude and approach completely sucks. You are better than that, Calc.