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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2015 23:29

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

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Electrolux · 10/07/2015 08:07

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 10/07/2015 09:16

Hello electrolux I am sorry you are in such pain! as we all know on here it sucks and has to be one of the worst feelings in the world .
If only we could just wish, and we could get our loved ones back. I'm guessing this is a very new bereavement ?
We all understand on here and there is usually someone to pop on and post so I hope you will gain some support from us.one day at a time is the way to go for now.

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chickennoodle · 10/07/2015 13:11

Hi electrolux, please keep posting x

Mummylin, I hope your aunt (??? Did I get that right?) is ok & is back home again soon. I like the look of the rock/salt thingy ... I think I'd just put a bowl of popcorn next to it & eat salted popcorn all day Smile x

I'm doing ok, just getting on with what needs doing although I'm having a lazy week, but I'll be mega busy next week so I deserve a rest while i can Smile x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 10/07/2015 17:23

My aunt is a bit better today, I am going to visit her this evening, but I'm very nervy about it as the last time I had to visit there was the day my mum suddenly died. I don't know if I have to go anywhere near the ward mum was and I know it will upset me.

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chickennoodle · 11/07/2015 10:18

Mummylin, how did it go visiting your aunt? x

ephemeralfairy · 12/07/2015 10:41

25 years today since my dad died and I still miss him every day. Sometimes it's like a physical pain. I was nine. I just feel like it's blighted my whole life. My mum has never got over it and our relationship is very difficult.
Today is grey and horrible and I don't feel like celebrating his memory. I just want him back.

chickennoodle · 12/07/2015 11:37

Eph, I can't imagine what you're feeling, 25 years Confused someone will come along soon with wiser words than I can manage, I didn't want you to feel ignored x

supermariossister · 12/07/2015 11:42

25 years is such a long time, like you I don't feel much comfort in celebrating, it's okay to be sad and cross an just want your dad Thanks take care

ephemeralfairy · 12/07/2015 14:26

Thanks for your kind words. We went out to one of his favourite places in the countryside and left some flowers and just sat there for a bit (till the driving wind and rain got too much!) I do feel a bit calmer now. Sometimes it doesn't hurt so much and I can remember him happily but I'm going through a really rough patch in my life in general at the moment and feel things much more keenly.

I'm going to spend the afternoon watching the Wimbledon final, hoping for an exciting match!

Thank you again xx

chickennoodle · 12/07/2015 21:47

Eph, that sounds lovely although the wind & rain bit did made me chuckle !!! I hope you had a great afternoon at Wimbledon x

Electrolux · 13/07/2015 13:24

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 13/07/2015 13:57

electrolux you are going through one of the worst times of your life! it is utterly heartbreaking when we have to say goodbye to someone that we love. It is such early days for you and a real roller coaster of emotions. If you cry that's fine, you need to release some of your feelings, rather than keep it all inside you. I know of course you won't believe me , but you will feel better in the future, but for now it is very early days for you. Ago is helping you through this in RL ? I know you said your dad was your only family, but is there any extended family such as aunts etc ? You so need someone who can give you support and a hug when needed. Thanks thinking of you.

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 13/07/2015 13:58

Ago = who

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Electrolux · 13/07/2015 14:16

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supermariossister · 13/07/2015 14:50

thinking of you electro it's hard to believe and horrendously hard even without the situation you are in with family

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 13/07/2015 15:14

electrolux we will support you and help as much as we can. Don't be concerned if you want to have a rant , we all understand and sad to say a death sometimes does bring out the worst in people as a lot of us have found. If you want to pm me you are welcome. I am one of the lucky ones and am very close to my siblings which made a huge difference, but in saying that my neighbour completely ignored my mums death and she had been very good to him when his wife upped and left him with two small children, I now will not even waste a breath on speaking to him at all. What does it take to give somebody your sympathy at such a sad time.Ignorant bloody pig.

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supermariossister · 13/07/2015 19:28

Hey all how are you doing?

The last week and a bit of school here so really busy, lots on over the week and a new community group starting monday so very busy. still spending money like water hope once the end of term events/presents and necessary things are over it will slow down a bit because im feeling the pinch!

Enkopkaffetak · 13/07/2015 20:11

Is Anyone else noticing lots of posts on here and facebook plus other places that mentions " mum/dad parents childhood - aka memories?"

I keep seeing them and to be honest its hard to deal with. Still struggle to not well up when I have to speak of it. I am now ok with saying to people " my mum died" i as far as I dont well up in tears. However a few times when people have asked further I have felt myself well up. happened twice at work this week. Not great (as I work in a supermarket hehe)

A friend put a post up on facebook one of those "share" types and normally I just move past them but this one was about "How you should treasure your mum as you will miss her when she is gone" just felt pain reading it. Wanted to write something but didn't as what does it achieve?

supermariossister · 13/07/2015 20:26

yes there does seem to be a lot of them, the empty chair post that says you will never know the value of your parents until you see their empty chair gets me and the moon pig card for mum with special memories it's a lot isn't it maybe they were there before we just didn't notice

Electrolux · 13/07/2015 21:08

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Lovebugtwo · 13/07/2015 21:41

Hi, my first time using mums net so not up on all the lingo etiquette yet ???? but was wondering and hoping someone might be able to offer some insight or help on the subject of losing my mother unexpectedly on June 6th 2015 only six weeks after having my own daughter. I have two under two.. A 23 month old boy and a 13 or 14 week baby girl. I don't think it has hit me yet, I might be still in denial and shock trying to lessen the full impact of it as the children keep me constantly busy and no time to think or cry only when I'm in bed, the bath or walking the dog late at night. I feel completely heartbroken at a time when most girls need their own mothers most. I feel lost and alone that's why I am keeping my grief at bay but I understand and know that it is not healthy for me to not grieve or go to a safe place to grieve either with a counsellor or therapist. I thought I might come on here to hopefully connect with other mums of young children who are going through the same?

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 13/07/2015 22:10

Hello lovebug not a young mum myself but a few on here have been pregnant and lost a parent! indeed my own sister was expecting twins when we lost our mum. I expect because you are so busy looking after a newborn and another child you have pushed your grief onto the back burner.
But you do need to do your grieving, it's all part of the healing process.
If you think that counselling is best for you, then I would try and arrange that.. But if not do you have good friends you can talk to ? I think everybody needs to be able to talk although sometimes it's just nice to have someone with you.
I am sorry for the loss of your mum, my mums death also was unexpected and I'm sure this has made it really hard to accept it all. From me it was total disbelief and heartbreaking. Life can never be the same. So we have to deal with another kind of " normal " life. It's tough though.
Sorry your first post on MN is because of something so sad. There is always someone here who will answer your posts.
Some of us have been posting here 2 or 3 years now, others come and go, but if we can help just a little we will carry on posting.

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chickennoodle · 14/07/2015 12:34

Electolux, please keep posting, we're all in the same boat ... some of us further along Confused the Facebook posts are upsetting for me too, I scroll past them as quickly as I can !!! x

Lovebug, my children are pre teens/teens, so I have no advice except, my kids probably kept me sane ... when you still have to do the washing, school stuff, dinner etc you have to get on with it, I think I'm probably still in shock/denial and it's been 7 maybe 8 months since my dad died, I don't like to talk about my dad unless I really have to, I prefer to post on here or do my "grieving" in private, which isn't ideal but I find it too upsetting Confused please keep posting xx

candykane25 · 14/07/2015 12:51

Lovebig.
I understand exactly how you feel. My daiughter was 8wks old when my dad became ill and was quickly diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer. He was very ill for a year and then died when my daughter was 13months old.
It has been 10 months since my dad died.
I felt torn in two - between loving caring for my daughter, and loving and caring for my dad. It was the happiest of times and the worst of times and processing the two events at the same time is a total mind breaking thing.
I too have had to postpone my grief as i have no time to myself.
I am now off sick from work ( i have other health issues too) and work have funded counselling for me.
I have been able to take that time in counselling to talk about my dad and my grief. I am still in the very early stages.
All i can say to you is be very kind to yourself, try to get an hour here o r there to be just you, not mummy, don't feel guilty about that. Grief is a very long road and at some point in the future your needs will take priority, out of necessity.

Lovebugtwo · 14/07/2015 22:10

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm replying correctly, I'm useless with computers and last night was my first time on here. Thank you so much for the beautiful words the three posts replied. That was so lovely for me to know you can post and get a reply. Candykane25 you brought a tear to my eye..you got it spot on..its do confusing for the body to deal with loss and gain, death and new life, a time of happiness eclipsed by such heartbreak. I know it will come out sideways down the line if I don't get help with it so I'm glad to hear you are getting counselling..xx love and blessing xx