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Bereavement

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Original poster

Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2015 23:29

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

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Enkopkaffetak · 23/06/2015 23:37

I had to send a power of attorney to my sister today to deal with the estate after our mother.

It was the strangest feeling. I knew I had to send it and I got into my head I wanted to send it with a card for my sister. Wandered 3 card shops trying to find something that was suitable but nothing felt right.

Started sniffling in the biggest card shop as it dawned on me that it was likely more I didn't want to send this as that made it so real that my mum really has died and we are about to divide up all her things and her house.. my childhood home.. I hate it is like that...

Went to my work and got talking to one of the managers who mentioned some issues they had with his grans gravestone and after a good 15 mins discussion about this I felt better found my sister a card (with pop cakes on) and wrote it out then went and posted it.

I mean I know she is gone. Just I don't like being reminded she is.

She would have been 70 on Thursday too..

chickennoodle · 24/06/2015 08:03

Yorkshire, I'm glad you're doing ok xx

Enko, I'm sorry you're having to deal with poa/estate etc, that must be very hard xx

I'm ok, just feeling very emotional the last few days, I think I'm letting out all my tears from Father's Day Confused and it's my eldest dc birthday which I'm finding hard ... they grow up far too quickly Confused xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 24/06/2015 17:00

Hi enko it's a horrible thing to have to do, go through all their stuff and personal belongings. My brother and I had to do that when our mum died. I found it to be very intrusive into my mums private stuff, but it was something that had to be done. We were the executors and had to do the probate thing to access the bank accounts etc. it's all very upsetting. That was a nice thought to send your sister a card.
chicken how did your weekend turn out ? Hope you are feeling ok today

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Enkopkaffetak · 24/06/2015 21:19

My mother would have been 70 tomorrow (Thursday) I am baking a cake right now that she used to make when I was a girl. The plan is to take it into work to share with co workers. Later dd3 and I will go out for dinner before going to visit her secondary school and find out what form she will be in.

Today I have felt her not being here anymore very strongly I suspect highlighted by the fact I know tomorrow would have been her birthday that she was planning a party for. She and my stepdad were having a garage build and the plan was for a party in the newly made garage she had even decided what they were having to eat my sister found a list in her sewing room.

Instead my stepdad will have my sister and my mothers surviving siblings + spouses for dinner. (I was invited too as was my brother but too far for us both) and I am making a cake.. Missing her

chickennoodle · 24/06/2015 21:35

Enko I feel for you, I'm going through the starting secondary school in sept (my baby Confused) and I'm finding that hard as it is, without all the extra emotions about my dad lately, it sucks & I don't have to deal with poa's etc, please keep posting xx

Mummylin, I had a good weekend, I think I blocked everything a little too much & it's coming out this week, I'm exhausted, still exercising, not eating properly etc & it shows ... apparently I look like I'm ill or very tired, but I'm not losing any weight which is a shame lol x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 27/06/2015 20:37

enko I hope Thursday was not too upsetting for you! the firsts are always the worst ones.
Been busy playing nursemaid to my ds who has torn the ligaments in his foot ! He has been in a lot of pain but had an X-ray and no broken bones , so that's something !
Hope everyone has had a good day today with the lovely weather. I don't know how we will all cope with a heat wave, I may very well melt !
Thinking of you all.

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starfish12 · 28/06/2015 09:21

Just checking in to say hi and see how everyone is doing. Hope you are feeling better this weekend chicken and are less exhausted. How's things with your new man? Still going well?
It's horrid having to get thru big occasions enko - esp a milestone birthday. Hope you got thru the day as best you can.
Mummylin hope your son gets better soon to give you a rest!
Hope everyone else is doing well.
My little man is 7 days old and doing great - such a contrast to my dS1 who was a little terror! My mum and sis are here helping and it feels like there is a big gap where dad should be but it's nice for us all to be together and chatting/reminiscing as we all love so far apart. I'm feeling ok... bit of an annoying episiotomy infection but I'll spare you the details... looking for to being able to sit down eventually!!
Enjoy the sunshine everyone xx

chickennoodle · 28/06/2015 16:37

Mummylin's son & starfish ... Ouch to both Sad xx

I'm having a bit of a crappy time, it could be hormones but I think it's just me feeling overwhelmed Sad the new bloke ... I'm freaking out (scared of getting hurt) and the exbf just isn't getting the message, I've tried ignoring, being straight, going along with "we'll be friends" .... I feel like running away from home !!! Add onto that, I think I've made a boo boo with my contraception, but all I can do is wait another week or so & hope everything is ok ... I'm not doing too good, I just want to shut myself away & not deal with anyone or anything, actually that's what I've done for the past few days !!!! Tomorrow is a new day though xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 28/06/2015 20:35

Oh dear chicken it may just be your hormones playing up ( hopeful) ! If you continue to feel so low maybe a trip to your doc is called for. It's probably all to do with the last few months and it's all getting on top of you. It's a massive time you have been through.
I would suggest you tell your ex to F off !
Hope things improve for you soon.
I have been to the crem today to plant some more little flowers and refill the vases. I have to have all three the same, my mums headstone has two and my sister has one pot in the middle of hers and they are next to each other. I am the only one who goes regularly s,it's up to me to keep both graves looking nice although they were both full of dead flowers when I got there today, but it dosent take long to tidy them up. I do the flowers and my dh washes the headstones, 30 mins at the most. I always say hello To them both. I hope wherever they are they are now together.

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chickennoodle · 29/06/2015 11:31

It hanks mummylin, I feel much better today ... I think when it's all a bit too much I have to take a step back from everyone & get my thoughts/feelings straight, then I'm good to go again Wink it's lovely that you can visit both graves at the same time, my mum gets a lot of comfort by being near my dads grave x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 29/06/2015 12:43

Hi chicken, just concentrate on yourself and do what makes you feel happiest, you don't need added stress at the moment. Things hopefully will improve for you over the coming months, it all takes a while to get yourself together and gather your thoughts.
Hope everyone is having a good day, I am wilting before the supposed heat wave hits us, so if it does I will be staying indoors with the fan on until the evening when it cools !

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chickennoodle · 01/07/2015 14:41

I hope everyone's doing ok & surviving the heatwave !!! x

supermariossister · 02/07/2015 20:08

can I ask something? have any of you ever searched the archives for inquest or other information, I don't know where to start

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 02/07/2015 22:48

Google for the local courts and see if you can find anything there SM. I will try and find the one for this area and tell you how I found it

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 02/07/2015 22:50

You have to google local coroners office and go from there. Very easy to find. Good luck.

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sooperdooper · 02/07/2015 22:55

Hello, I lost my mum three weeks ago, she was only 59 and had only been ill a really short time, it doesn't feel real at all and I feel quite numb and I don't want it to be happening

sooperdooper · 02/07/2015 22:56

Supermario, we're waiting for an inquest from the coroners too, can I help? PM me if you like

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/07/2015 09:32

Hello sooper so sorry you have had to join us here. We all understand perfectly how you are feeling. Condolences to you. What a young age your mum was.
At the moment I expect you just can't believe what has happened, how can the world just carry on as normal when you have had this awful thing happening to you.
I think the first few weeks just seem impossible to take in, how can it be real. How can your life ever be happy again.
I will be truthful and say that your life will never be the same again, but eventually you will learn to live with it , although the sadness will always be there.
It takes quite a while, but gradually there will be happier days for you, and you will have longer gaps between the days you spend in tears.
With support, you will get through this awful time and you will be able to think of your mum and things you did together without dissolving into a hopeless mess. It will come, I promise you.
Just take each day as it comes, don't look forward too much at the moment.
Do you have siblings and good RL friends who can help you get through this ? There is always someone here when you want to discuss things or have a rant about something / someone. Thanks

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StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 03/07/2015 18:44

So sorry for your loss sooner. I also lost my mum when she was young, and I found this so injust. It will take time. I'm thinking of you

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 03/07/2015 18:45

sooper sorry

supermariossister · 03/07/2015 19:06

hi sooper sorry to hear of the loss of your mum,it is so young. my mum was also very young and it's still very hard to see others with theirs without feeling unjust. hope you can take each day at a time and look after yourself. someone is always around here to chat or rant Thanks

supermariossister · 03/07/2015 21:00

in ref to the inquest posts I just wondered if I could read a copy anywhere. we didn't go,mums husband said none of us should it wouldn't help and nothing would change and to be honest at the time I wasn't in the right place to argue or think I might ever want to understand what happened

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/07/2015 21:28

Could you ring the coroners and ask them how you go about getting a copy. I think you have a right to know SM .would they have sent a copy to your mums dh ?

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supermariossister · 03/07/2015 21:47

no idea to be honest he was adamant none of us needed to go, wish I had thought about it more now.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/07/2015 15:37

Hello everyone , hope you are all doing ok and not wilting in this heat.
chicken I hope you are ok
sooperhow are you doing these last few days ?
SM what have you decided to do about the inquest results ? I'm sure there must be a way to get them, but don't really know how.
ssd hope you are going along ok and things are improving for you.
To badvoc T and everyone , you are in my thoughts x

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