Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

I understand, ssd. My parents had me a little later in life than most of my friends' parents did: I know a couple of people who have subsequently lost one parent, but not both (I am 32.) How old are you?

I am having a hard day today.

I just cried my eyes out. I feel so angry still. I thought I was doing well, but perhaps not.

branstonpickle it's ok to cry ! It's far better than bottling it all up inside. It's all part and parcel of the grieving process. Believe me we all do this at times
SM sorry to see that things are a bit unsettled still. Is your mums dh still upset about the plants do you think ? Sorry your DP being an arse !
T ssd hope you are both enjoying the sunshine today which may boost you just a little bit.
ssd you have had a lot to cope with and it probably will take such a long time to get over how your siblings deserted you just when you needed them. Nasty selfish people

I contacted a counsellor today, I feel I need to speak this out to someone neutral. I dont know if I'll see her, although she seems well qualified. But she charges £40 for an hours session! Jesus, that seems to be taking the mick to me. But I waited almost 9 months for cruse and dont want all that again.

I just had a wee can of M&S pina colada, so feel quite relaxed .

thanks for listening girls, inabranstonpickle, I'm 47, I'm so sorry you've lost both parents so very young, thats so so hard on you .

Have you decided wether to see the counsellor ssd? £40 does seem a lot dosent it. But if it helps you in any way I'm sure it will be worth it.

I'm not sure, I waver between going then thinking oh just get on with it! And of course there's always something else to spend 40 quid on, today it was a plumber to fix our tap in the kitchen! If I thought it would help I'd do it, but I dont know.....in my heart I feel its a bit of a rip off....

We too had to ave a plumber today. The plastic thing that the smelly toilet blocks go in fell down the loo and blocked it !! Luckily he is a friend of dh, so now dh will fix his lights for free !
But on the other side of things, you have been so unhappy, it could be money well spent, compared to you being happier 40£ is nothing.

I have real doubts about counselling. It gets trotted out so much as the answer from everything to bereavement to depression to addiction, but I don't know - I just didn't find it all that helpful?

I've got a job interview Wednesday, praying I get it because if I do it will mean I can buy a house near my brother. xx

good luck inabranston!

am swithering about the counselling, I just dont know

Thanks ssd

Are there any counsellors who might offer a discount for a block booking, for example?

It's so difficult! I have wondered about it myself, but I don't know, £40 an hour seems very indulgent in a way (to me, I mean, no reflection on anybody else!)

For me personally, I said everything I wanted to say when this thread was first started back in 2011. I was able to say everything I needed to to the people who were on this thread at the time and doing that helped me through everything I have never wanted to go and see anybody. But every person is different. I suppose for some it works and others you may as well be talking to a wall ! And if that counsellor hasn't lost a parent how on earth do they know how it is .

I had a lot of shock and panicky episodes I guess anger and bitterness. Family complications too and seeing the councillor really helped as it wasn't until I spoke about it I didn't even realise they were bothering me. It was somewhere I could air everything without offending annoying anyone as it was my opionins and it really helped to have that place I could go to let it out.

But it is each to their own. I payed nothing as it was through cruise. Years ago I had bereavement counciling after I lost my cousin and it was £40 but it was good. Gave me good excersises to help with how was feeling I was scared of losing everyone. Did really help but looking back it was a lot

Ssd could you go through your doctor Hun!? Xx

Medium visit - skip if you want

Went to the psychic today she was very good/ accurate. Straight to the point which at times was a bit hard.
Said my mum had passed away in the bedroom , it was dark and some thing burst in her brain! Well she could be more right- my mum had a stroke / bloke clot go to the brain/ died in her sleep and it was in the middle of the night.
Said who's going to a wedding I said me- ( best mates next month) she said she will be there..

She said who's thinking of laying carpet - I said we are looking to replace our daughters carpets

Mentioned she will send a robin to let me know she's there

Oh she said a male gentleman with problems with his lungs / jumped in to say Phenomonia has brought her forward-- my dads brother died of phenomonia.

So quite mental really. Said to te us as soon as we talk to her she comes. Very comforting although at points I had a tear or two especially about a letter my dad had done after she'd passed she said she knew about it. Xx

branstonpickle I need another clue, I must be thick but I cannot work it out even though I have been back through Mays posts !

T, wow that's amazing!! Was it a different person to last time, sorry can't remember. Did you say much to her before she started? Even the robin thing, where on earth did she get that? It's just amazing to me, I need to go to someone myself. If I felt mum and dad were out there somewhere I wouldn't need a counsellor . Esp. One at forty quid an hour, Jesus I earn minimum wage myself!! I asked my gp about bereavement counselling and she just handed me a leaflet...cruse were good but it's all still there. I may pluck up courage and go see someone myself.. X

Hi ssd

yes it was a different person, no said nothing to her at all, we don't give nothing away. You could ask to see Cruise again and you will get some one different perhaps? ill be with you every step hun if you choose to do something, i just always had to be prepared she wouldn't come through and i had that attitude if she does she does. xx

branston pleaseeee give us a clue as the famous programme says xx

thats my worry, if her or dad isnt there, i cant think of that x

Been to the cemetry this morning. Dads headstone is on. Its beautiful. Just stood there looking at three stones which tell a second of the peoples lives in those graves. My Mums parents - my wonderful Gran and Grandad.....my two sons with their pictures smiling at me....and my Dad.

I always hope that I will feel close to them - always hope I will get a sign that they are still with me.....but today, like every other day that I go to the cemetry, there was nothing. Just a quietness and a 'nothing' - amazed me how those people who were so vital to my life and so loving and full of fun are just 'quiet and gone.'

I couldn't afford flowers today so I will go back on wednesday when we are paid. I felt an arse not taking any. I hate death.

Have messaged you, ladies, although I was never the most prolific poster. You'll probably groan and say 'oh. Her!' :)

I had one of those moments of missing my dad earlier - really breathtaking missing HIM. I haven't missed my mum like that for years. I'm frightened to think of a time I won't miss my dad, because I won't remember him properly.

Thanks branston my brain can have a rest now! You won't forget your dad. We will never forget them, I still can recall how soft my mums skin felt. I try not to think about things but find that the thought slip in anyway. It is very upsetting
shabbs I don't know about you but I felt easier knowing my mum had her headstone. I'm sure it dosent matter about the flowers, it's the fact that you went there. I always have a chat with my mum and my sister who are also side by side.

I definitely won't forget him, I know. What I mean, though, is that life takes over and you carve a life that doesn't involve them: it can't, as they are no longer here. And as such, they become like a beautiful, but vague, dream. That's what my Mum feels like now: like Father Christmas or a fairy story I once believed.

It's all so hard to accept isn't it, or do we ever accept it ? I don't know the answer to that. I think back to how I was before I lost my mum and I am now nothing like the same person. I have no enthusiasm for anything, my heart isn't in it anymore. It's a struggle sometimes to even go out, I have to force myself, whereas before I woul d just go without a thought, lots of things have changed and not for the better.i feel so lost without her.

I do feel easier Mummylin. Its a beautiful stone. Just that it makes it real. I cant grieve for my Dad at the moment. Mum needs me to much right now. Today I should be cleaning and washing for my parents. Trying to get them both to eat and sitting watching telly with them. Instead Im rattling around at my house and trying to pin on a smile. Every time I hear anything about football (especially Man City Dads and my team) I think 'must tell Dad about the new players we have bought.' Proper peed off with life today. Its also Dads 82nd birthday tomorrow - maybe thats why this 'down in the dumps' feeling is hanging over me? xx

We also have our sons pictures on their headstone.....they are beautiful - the top one is DtwinS (he died when he was 6 months old) his hair is really gingery and his big eyes are smiling....the bottom picture is DS3 (killed when he was 7 years old) - the same eyes and smile as his big brother....was trying to admire Dads headstone but my eyes kept wandering over to the boys grave.

I think it would be entirely natural to want to look at your two sons photos. We also have mums photo on hers , but my sisters headstone was chosen by her dh and there is nothing like that on it, it sounds awful but I sometimes wish it would break and we could get her a new one!
Yes it very well may be tomorrows birthday which has made you feel down, I think theses special days tend to do that don't they.
I don't know how you have coped with the awful losses you have suffered.