Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

glad it went as well as it could mummylin. was thinking of you today

Hello everyone.

I'm sorry I've not been here to support anyone recently but I wanted to share with you all that this Christmas and New Year was actually nice. Nice is as far as I can go for the moment but this year, the second, I enjoyed the day and those around it.

I was dreading it. Especially after last year. I really don't want to come across as a smug git but I think for me, it's a step in the right direction although I still have sudden pangs of tears and 'leave me alone' moments.....

I'm going to look into group counselling I think after my Birthday, I'll be 40 on Wednesday next week and it will be a very hard day to get through without my Mum, oh mum. I miss her so so much when things like this come up.......

It's Dad's Birthday tomorrow......

I wanted to pop in and send you all love and hugs. Take good care xxxx

Hi Mouse,

I was 40 last year. Happy 40th! I am glad you found the holidays easier this year. Going in the right direction sounds good.

I actually visited my dad in Christies on my 40th birthday. His birthday is close to mine so we usually shared the celebrations.

Managed to get through to the BRCA2 geneticist today. They won't test my DNA until they have tested my Dads first. So I assume Christies will have stored some of my dads DNA for research? Very frustrating. Hoping my GP will help more.

Very sad today and have to be careful as its affected me a lot as i followed this young mans story from the beginning.
Rest in peace Pat Lamb, absolutely gutted they found his body. I cant imagine what his family is going through, he was only 28! So bloody unfair!

Thinking of everyone on this thread as always.
love to all. xx

I heard this on the news, t875, its just unimaginable, isnt it , I can understand how this would affect you xx

Happy new year everyone.
Well, hoping for a nice boring year! :)
Not much news, other than my mums house sale is due to complete tomorrow (only taken 9 months and getting my local mp involved!!)
My siblings are being as useless as ever but mum has actually confronted my brother about it! Amazing!
My sister is in a bad way tbh. Her marriage is not good and her h treats her like dirt and I think she is suddenly realising it :(
Kids seem ok after their first week back at school. I will be glad when bug season is over though...ds2 is coughing again
I hope that 2015 brings us all peace and contentment and that the memories of our lost loved ones inspire smiles, not tears x

hi badvoc, nice to see you, you deserve a nice quiet boring 2015!

and ho to mouse too, nice to see you hear, too xx

ho

hi!

Hi all how is everyone. Full of bugs in this house too it's maddening I am full of a cough again and constantly barking

I still feel so upset for this guy!! It's bringing back so much upset about my mum I think. Really feel like he's a member of my family and I'm kicking myself I got to emotionally attached his poor girlfriend. I got speaking to them back and forth as I know the area he went missing from and just tried helping out with saying areas to search etc.

Badvoc will be hoping for you and your sister that you have a calmer happier 2015! Good on your mum for saying something to your brother. Xx

Sm hope you all feel better soon xx

Hi all. I have not posted before.
My mum died 11 months ago from cancer. I was 7 months pregnant when she passed away. I miss her desperately and I am starting to wonder will these feelings ever lessen. I feel like I am never going to be truly happy again.
My mum was everything to me -mother, father, friend, confidant, advisor.
Though I can cope with the day to day and manage things for the sake of my kids, I feel like the joy has gone out of everything, I just can't take any real pleasure in anything.
I'm able to get get out of bed every morning and get on with things and make sure I do nice things with my kids. I am able to distract myself to a certain degree when I am busy and then I feel ok. So for example the first few weeks after baby was born were so busy that I had less time to dwell on it.
But then I think about my mum again and I feel crushed and angry at what happened to her. I still cannot believe I will never see her again.
I just cannot imagine ever 'being over' it. I can't imagine feeling really genuinely happy.
Is this normal? Do these feelings ever go away? Can you or have you felt really happy again since your parent died?

Oh grey lili pad you poor thing and I along with everyone on this thread knows what you are going through. The gaps do get a little wider with the grief and that despairing feeling for me but I can still miss her like crazy. I like to think of my mum with me and my family and looking it for us but that is how I am, others may not be the same. I take comfort from little strange things that have come along my way to help my belief my mum is still with us watching over. She will always be part of you and your familes life. We are them we have their genes and it carries on.
But it is very hard and my thoughts are with you. I am 3 years April and some days I can go there thinking if what I've lost with her and others I can't. I talk to my mum though although that's hard sometimes as I don't get nothing back. But I know her so well I'm guessing what she would say. I Know when I need my mum she us there can't explain it.
I had couselling 4 sessions which really helped me. As I was in such shock anger despair And tbh I still can't believe it. I lost my mum to a stroke in her sleep, said good night to her and she never woke up. I still miss her loads.
Light a candle for your mum or do something that you know she would like for you to do

Talk rant or write a journal about your feelings Hun. Come back anytime here we know and feel what you are going through.
Sending you a big hug xx

Hi Grey,

I am only four months in and can't comment how how I will feel after 11months.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer just after my DD was born. We were very close.
I think when you are busy with a little one its logistically hard to grieve. You just don't get the breathing space to do it. And you have to stay smiling for the children. It's exhausting. And depressing.
Yes you will feel happy again. I am finding that grief is a journey, and you go back and forth with the anger, the disbelief, the heartbreak, the misery. Watching someone you love have cancer is also traumatic and very draining. No wonder you are only just getting through, you've been through an incredibly tough time, a bereavement and a new baby. I really couldn't manage without my anti-depressants, it's only a low dose but it seems to give me just enough energy to get through. It certainly doesn't stop the sadness though.

I am starting to think philosophically about mortality and the cycle of life and death. My dad watched his mother die of cancer, and his daughter (me) watched him die of cancer and god knows what will happen to me and what my daughter will have to witness. In the inbetween times there was a ton of love and laughter and we all faced both trials and tribulations together.
My dad loved and adored his mum ( and she did him) and I loved and adored my dad (and he did me) and I can only hope my daughter and I will be lucky enough to have the same.

Your mum would want you to be happy. I totally understand you wondering when that will come more naturally to you. I am sure others here will have more experience to offer you.
Offering you a hug in the meantime though x

Hello lilypqd I am sorry you are still so sad but I think it's a normal side to our grief. I am now 3 years on and like you I still don't feel that I can ever enjoy life again as I did before. That is not to say there are things that can't give me pleasure, they can but it's a muted pleasure now.
Life for me and many others cannot ever be the same andi only wish it could.
You have still not reached a year so in a way it's still quite new for you and as you say in the very early days you had your new baby to help keep you busy.
But despite all this. Life does go on, albeit a different life than we had before. We have had all sorts of experiences on here but we all
have one thing in common and that is grief. We have found that only people who have gone through this terrible time really understand just how awful it is. But we have all supported each other and got through it.
It's the physical side of my mum I miss, not seeing her, not being able to call her, hearing a bit of news and thinking " oh I must tell mum " then remembering with a sickening jolt I can't do that anymore. It sucks !
Please use this thread at anytime, someone will always appear at some time and will understand. I am sorry for your sad loss.
badvoc T candy mouseface SSD SM thinking of you all. t sorry about the young man in your neck of the woods! how very sad for him and his family.
On a lighter note. Hope all your decs are now down and your homes are back to normal ! SM any news on the job front ?
take care everyone don't get blown over in this terrible windy weather !

I feel for everybody on here. I look forward and think I will never come to terms with my mum passing so quickly. She's had cancer for over 20 years and battled with chemo etc and now they don't even know what got her in the end. It's so unfair. At least we have a date for the funeral now but as it's getting closer it feels more unreal.

I feel so awful and selfish - I've been strong for my dad but who will be strong for me.

I'm lucky I've got my children but my husband (he left me in August for another woman) has been so nasty over Christmas and New Year. He kept ringing and texting and just would not leave us alone to grieve - he is truly an evil man.

I've even rang the Samaritans.

My whole life has been turned upside down and I have no control - I feel like I'm on the outside looking in at the events that are shaping my world now. I feel like the people I loved have been / are being torn away from me. Everyday is a struggle.

whyme sorry you have also had to come onto this thread. It's a horribly sad and upsetting time you are going through just now. But we all can understand your pain at your mums passing.
You are not alone and we can support you when you feel like posting. You can come on here and there will be someone who understands what you are going through. Seems you are having a tough time with your family life too which obviously is not the best thing to cope with besides anything else. We are here if you want to rant and rave We do discuss other things besides the loss of our loved ones. Take care and make sure you look after yourself regarding sleep and meal wise too.

Whyme,

It does sound like your life has been turned upside down, no wonder you are struggling. I think ringing the Samaritans shows you will find a way through as you are being proactive in getting support. Maybe feeling like you are on the outside is because sometimes we feel we are not in control, but you will start to get life back in order, things will get better.
I am so sorry that your husband has not been supportive, it really is not what you need. As mummylin says, come and rant on here and a key thing is to take it one day at a time. Be very kind to yourself x

someone I know has a birthday and they are posting pics online of them and their mum, it hurts, its not fair and shes feckin older than me, why has she got her mum and I've not got mine??

its crap all round, god please keep me away from fb, it does me no good at all x

I know it hurts ssd , but it's something we all have to try and accept. I know it's difficult and we wish we were in that persons place, but it is how it is. I don't expect we will ever fully get used to our mums / dads not being here, but we have to try and get on with our lives it's what our loved ones would want, although it's easier said than done.

I just cant see it mummylin, I've cancelled facebook, or whatever its called, I was spending too much time there looking at things that hurt me. I dont mind seeing others eg. friends with their mums, although it hurts, but its not the same as seeing certain family members with their mums, knowing they are still living a life of being spoilt and cosseted and its all down to their mums still being alive. I'm too hurt and jealous of it so I'm best to stay well clear.

It's very sad ssd and for you particularly as mostly you have had no-one to share things with after your siblings sort of abandoned you and left you to do everything that must be very hurtful and has made things worse for you. I am lucky in that respect as I have my siblings around which has helped enormously. But I have to say that no- one can ever replace my mum and I will be missing her for the rest of my life. I suspect you will feel very similar to me in this.i hope everyone who has their parents appreciates them , they don't know yet how awful it is when they are no longer here.

you're right mummylin, its like 2 different lives to me, one before having parents, and one where they are gone and you're totally alone. well not alone, I have dh and the dc's and I'm eternally grateful for them.

I seen a post somewhere that read "be grateful for your parents, once they are gone you'll realise they are the only people on earth who always have your back"

its so true.

Ssd, I had my dads back, I fought for him to get the best treatment possible, consoled him, chatted through various issues, not just when he was ill but in general. Your kids will be there for you too, as we pass on the values that our parents taught us.
I think it's impossible to know what this feels like until it happens. My friends who still have both their parents have no idea. It's not what you imagine. It's constant, a light has gone out and I am a different person now. Life is different. That isn't comprehensible until you are in it. All I can be glad of is that at least I had a loving relationship with my dad.

yes I agree candy.if we can say we loved our parents and were loved in return, anything else is a bonus...sadly, going by so many threads here, many people dont have that.
I've said it before here, my mums warden told me my mum felt loved when she died, she said not all the residents could say that