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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

993 replies

mummylin2495 · 23/06/2014 16:55

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

OP posts:
PuddingandPie1 · 29/06/2014 21:28

Although I am not religious it would be nice to think that my Mum and Dad were reunited with Stephen and are now waiting for me to join them. Not yet though Smile

Stephen is a good example of somebody who is "forever young".

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 29/06/2014 22:17

My i sister died when she was 26 and I also like to think my mum and sister are now together, it was my mums dearest wish.

OP posts:
Badvoc2 · 30/06/2014 07:00

Happy Birthday Dad.
So dearly loved....so deeply missed.
XXxx

shabbs · 30/06/2014 07:45

Happy Birthday to your Dad Badvoc.......today is also my DS3's 30th birthday - he very sadly died in an horrendous accident when he was almost 8 years old. Thinking of you today xxxx

I am strangely comforted by the fact that my precious Dad is with Matt today - they will be causing havoc wherever they are xxxx

Badvoc2 · 30/06/2014 07:46

Happy birthday to Matt today too Shabs x

mytwoblackandwhitecats · 30/06/2014 09:56

Flowers Badvoc

You must feel so sad though. My mums birthday is July 20 th but enough time has passed that I don't dread that one much; my dad's is February and it would be a milestone birthday this next year as he would have turned 70.

I hate the fact both my parents are gone before they had a real chance to become old.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/06/2014 15:56

badvoc how is your uncle doing ?

OP posts:
Badvoc2 · 30/06/2014 16:03

Haven't heard anything from mum.
She has been very funny with me since I cancelled the holiday - she barely spoke to me for 2 days after I told her.
Sigh.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/06/2014 16:16

Well it's not something you could do anything about. Surely she must realise your ds,s health comes first. My aunt was admitted to hosp at 5 am yesterday morning. She has a colostomy and now and agin it gets blocked and causes her immense pain. I have spoken to her and she is feeling a bit better, hoping to come home today, but I am waiting to hear from my cousin. Always something. ( she is my mums sister and the only living person who knew me as a baby ) so we are by close, but I think she will be ok. This has happened a few times before.

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Badvoc2 · 30/06/2014 16:22

That sound a horrid, poor woman!
Hope she gets home today.
Wrt mum...I am getting pretty fed up tbh. She can just get on with it. My brother hS been and always will be the golden child. So let him deal with her.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/06/2014 16:50

And yet you were the one who looked after and supported her through her own bad health and the loss of your dad. I'm presuming that you were going on holiday with your mum and it has had to be cancelled ?

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Badvoc2 · 30/06/2014 20:32

Yes.
God, what a mess.
I am glad we aren't going. I didn't want to...she sort of emotionally blackmailed me into it as she knew we couldn't afford to take the dc abroad so she paid and made a big thing of she wanted to "treat" the dc...
She will get her money back, we had cancellation insurance.
I think a week with her ATM would send me over the edge....

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/06/2014 22:13

So sorry badvoc that you have even more stress to cope with , it certainly hast been a good time for over the past year or so. For now though the main thing is your ds and his op. I expect your quite nervous about that too. But I'm sure he will be fine. But I know the worry when it's your child.

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supermariossister · 01/07/2014 20:02

Hi all, sorry I have been away had no internet for a week! How is everyone? Things been bit hectic here my nan on dads side been in hospital for hip operation so been visiting she got home today but has got to take it very easy. Really worried about my granddad on mums side of the family he has been off many times that we have been there recently today he was in bed by 11am not feeling well got up again at lunchtime had dinner then went back to bed. he looks so fed up and like he has no fight in him. he has never been the same since we lost mum it breaks my heart to think of how he used to be and how he is now he is like a shadow of the man I remember from my childhood. I am so scared that we are going to lose him :(

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 01/07/2014 20:42

Hi SM sorry to see your grandad is not well. He has had such a great loss when your mum died, it probably sucked a lot out of him. Has he seen a doctor or anything ?
Has your nan had hip replacement ?

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supermariossister · 01/07/2014 21:07

he goes to doctors for routine type things but not since he has been feeling off colour he says it's because the weather is so unpredictable. yes my dads mum has had hip replacement this week how are things with you

Eleanor02 · 02/07/2014 08:26

Thinking of all of is. today. Missing and loving and finding strength from these threads and from RL (if we're lucky) to journey on.

We buried my Mum 10 years ago today. Wasn't always the easiest of relationships but, towards the end of her life, we totally made up. Not through so many words (she was very poorly) but through hugs, kind, reconciling words and lots and lots of loving care.

I tried never to give up - contacting 'centres of excellence' in the particular cancer that she had, going off to see 'eminent' doctors in this field. Mum died, not particularly peacefully, but she wanted to go, to be rid of the pain and the angst and she was sure that she'd be seeing my dad again so that in itself gave her strength.

So, here's to you, Mum. Your grandchildren are now teenagers, or older, and are loving, funny and, despite the odd hiccup, are doing alright. Your second grandson has just graduated - you and he were the bestest of friends. Love you, Mum, love you very, very much.

And here's to all our parents and other loved ones who we miss, love, find strength to carry on from. Thanks and Wine and Brew

PuddingandPie1 · 02/07/2014 21:41

I don't miss my Dad as he had a good innings and was ready to go. With Mum it is a bit more complicated because she pined her life away after my twin died as a primary school child. Our relationship was rather patchy, for exampled she totally refused to ever see her grandchildren, but like Dad I think she had done everything she wanted to do so dying was just the next step for both of us.

mytwoblackandwhitecats · 03/07/2014 07:01

Eleanor, your words really touched me. Love to you.

I found my mum 'difficult' in the last couple of years of her life - largely, I think, because I was a teenager. Looking back, I realise why she was so difficult: it was caring for her elderly parents and eventually she put my grandmother, her Mum, into a nursing home. The guilt she felt was tremendous - misplaced, of course, but still.

I admire her strength and courage so much now and I understand. She was a remarkable woman: so incredibly kind and she just put herself last as she wanted to see that everything was okay for everybody else and it didn't matter if she was exhausted, run down, depressed: if I was happy and my brother was happy and my dad was happy and her parents were comfortable she didn't matter. She honestly was like that!

It's her birthday later this month, she would have been 69. She's been dead since she was 53.

Badvoc2 · 03/07/2014 19:08

Sigh...
Went to the cemetery this morning to check the flowers and water them as mum is away and the landscapers had been with their power strimmers and they had smashed one of dads vases and damaged the wreath mum got done for his b day on Monday :(
Thank god she didn't see it!
I phoned the parish council and complained and they are paying for a new one.
My sister is very upset as it's the one she got done from all the gc :(

supermariossister · 03/07/2014 21:11

that's beyond shit badvoc :( can't believe they would be so careless I would be fuming. how are things with you and with ds

Badvoc2 · 03/07/2014 21:15

Not great tbh.
Thank god school breaks up here next week.
His op is on 15th and I just want it to be over now..

supermariossister · 03/07/2014 21:32

I'll be thinking of him, hope all goes well. still just over two weeks here I'm on countdown too.

mytwoblackandwhitecats · 04/07/2014 08:22

So sorry Badvoc. We had a vase go missing - so irritating and upsetting as it was obvious the grave was a new one.

We need to think about the headstone; it just has my mums name and date of birth and death at the moment. I'm wondering about their names, dates of birth and dates of passing and then perhaps a line from the poem I read at his funeral? Not sure though.

Badvoc2 · 04/07/2014 09:26

That sounds nice.