Support for Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent,Everyone Welcome ( 6 )

[mummylin2495]

I can't believe we are now on another thread, where has all the time gone ?

[BiscuitsandBaileys]

Hi all

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time badvoc What's the op your ds2 needs if you don't mind me asking?

The roses look lovely lin I took four roses from my mum and dads garden that are doing really well. It's so nice to have a little piece of their garden for us to enjoy.

Glad works still going well t must try and catch up soon?

Enjoy your holiday ssd! I'm sure you'll all have a great time. We've got another seven weeks until ours so I'm very jealous!

[t875]

Oh thats a lovely garden and you done really well with the moving of the roses, i bet your mum is so proud of you!!

Badvoc - i just dont know what to say, i really hope ds will be ok and the tests go ok. Please keep us posted, we are here for you.
and the same here, you will always be badvoc

hugs all round to all who needs it. xx

[Badvoc2]

It's tonsilectomy and adenoidectomy
Feeling very very upset and worried about it all...

[mummylin2495]

Oh dear badvoc that's a blow, but if it cures your ds it has to be worth it. When does he have to go in and when was your holiday due ? Can you take it later in the year ?

[t875]

what is that badvoc, is that having his tonsils out? xx

[Badvoc2]

Yes it is T.
Will find out tomorrow when he can have it done.
Hopefully in the next 2 weeks.
Fingers x.

[mummylin2495]

Hope you have a date for your ds to go in badvoc although its upsetting to see your child having to go through any procedure. I used to be useless with my own children and fall to pieces if they had anything done or were hurt, but anyone else's child I was calm and collected. When is the holiday date ? Could it still fit in ?

[mytwoblackandwhitecats]

Hello :) marking place, although I wish I did not have to.

I've been struggling so much, but true to form have been hiding it well, too well, I think. I completely lost it this morning because one of my eponymous black and white cats just wouldn't stop miaowing (I didn't lose it at the cat but I just kept crying about getting no peace. I think I meant internally rather than externally!)

I need a new job hate filling in application forms so much!

[Badvoc2]

I am exactly the same mummylin.
People think I am so strong. Hilarious really.
Date for op is 15th July. We were supposed to be flying on 14th so that's that.
Don't care about the holiday tbh but dc are very disappointed.
Just want it to be over now.

[mummylin2495]

mytwo I think we all try and hide how we really feel because we think people will get fed up with us. We all try and pit a face on the outside whilst inside we are in absolute pieces. This is why it's good to talk to people in thesame position who understand.
badvoc I'm glad you have a date but sorry you have to miss your holiday, god knows you deserve one after the last year you have had. I'm sure the dc are upset about missing out but maybe something will work out for later in the year ?

[ssd]

sorry to mention holidays again badvoc, but I just wanted to get something out, its not one of the firsts, I felt like this last year at this time too

I'm just really sad I havent my mum to tell that we're going away. Me and mum were the only family here and we just were very close. I have no family now that shes gone. When the ds's were small we used to take her on holiday but it got too much for her as she got older. We only went to England, not abroad. Just as we were leaving we'd phone mum to say bye. And I'd phone to check on her everyday we were away. And when we drove over the border the ds's would phone and say we're back in Scotland! I phoned her everyday for the last 15 years, since dad died. Now theres no one to phone and say thats us off now. My friends know were going on hols but you dont phone your friends as you leave and say thats us off now, well at least I dont . Thats what family is for, they are the only ones who care exactly when you've left and if you got there ok. Now mums not there theres no one to phone, no one to give the ds's £20 for treats, no one really cares were going. Theres just no one there for us now. And it hurts like hell. I've got pals and I know your all there and I appreciate it, but its not the same. I just dont have any family. If we were on one of those programmes where the family emigrate there would be no family here crying that we were moving. They are all dead. My mum , and dad, when he was alive, were the only family I had and now they're gone theres no one to care about us going anywhere. Theres no one to check in with. Its so sad. It kills me.

[Badvoc2]

Oh ssd.
That is so sad.
You must feel set adrift. And yes, of course we care, but no, it's not the same.
Watered dads flowers today. It would have been his birthday on 30th...how can he be gone? How?

[mummylin2495]

You can text me if you like ssd to let us know you have arrived safely. Pm if you want my number

[ssd]

oh mummylin, thanks that's so nice of you

but I just want my mum!

you know how it is

badvoc, that's exactly it, I've felt adrift from the moment she died, I tried to explain to a friend, I feel like I'm floating around without a harness or a safety net, like in outer space with nothing to tie me down...and I hate this isolated feeling, I have a dh and dc;s. but I still feel like this. Just alone, totally. I need to reassess my priorities, I have lovely family but without my parents and my home-town I feel set adrift.

[mummylin2495]

Not sure when you are off ssd but I hope you and your family have a great time x

[mytwoblackandwhitecats]

ssd I feel similar.

I cried in Asda yesterday. I managed to hold it all together until I got outside, then the floodgates opened. I want them back, as they were when I was young, and those days are long, long gone, had gone even before Dad died last month.

I'm scared about July. My dad died on May 10th and it's stupid but June will be the first month completely without him. It makes it real that time will go on. I don't know if that makes sense, even.

[Badvoc2]

Mytwo...
I'm so sorry. It does suddenly hit you sometimes doesn't it? :(
We have had further bad news. One of my mums brothers is dying..he is on life support.
She is flying out tomorrow with her sister and niece.
She wants to stay for a few days so I can't go with her.
So I will be taking Dads wreath to the cemetery on his b day (Monday)
Just feels relentless ATM :(

[BackforGood]

I don't know if I'm allowed to join in, as my Mum dies 12 yrs ago, and my Dad 11 yrs ago, so hardly a recent bereavement ?

It's just my ds was 18 recently, and I spent most of the day welling up, and just feeling sad that not only had my Mum and Dad missed so much of his growing up, but that he'd not had his Grandma and Grandad here as he grew up. He remembers them, but only vaguely, and it just made me feel so sad.

Sorry, probably not what you want to hear if only recently bereaved.
It does get easier, honestly - just sneaks up and bites you on the bum when you're not expecting it every now and then.

[Badvoc2]

Backforgood...that sounds hard x it must have been a very melancholy day for you?
I get this too and it's only 11 months down the line for me...I look at ds1 who now plays football and is at secondary school and doing so well. Dad would have been so proud.
And ds2 - he wants to start gymnastics classes this year. Dad never saw him start school.
Heartbreaking :(

[mytwoblackandwhitecats]

Badvoc thank you and yes! it absolutely does!

Backforgood, I am devastated that neither of my parents will get to be a Granny or Grandad and that my children will never know their grandparents on my side. It really does upset me, especially as both my parents would have been great grandparents - spoiling them rotten!

[mytwoblackandwhitecats]

Badvoc sorry; I somehow missed the post about your uncle. I'm so sorry - I have found since losing my Dad that anything that reopens the wound is hard, so to speak.

[mummylin2495]

Oh my god badvoc itsrelentlessfor your family isn't it. We also had some sad news last night. Only the longest posters will remember when we had the dilemma about going to a friends funeral after the notice in the paper said " by invite ony " anyway I eventually decided to write the mum a nice card as she had done for me when my mum died and have had many little chats with her when she has walked past here with her dog. She has terminal bowl cancer and was expected to go into the local Macmillan unit today. I feel so sorry for he only remaining son, all his family gone in such a short time.
badvoc when will your mum be able to go, is this unexpected ?
mytwo it is all so sad isn't it and it does indeed creep up when you least expect it.
backfor yes of course it's fine to post here. I don't think the grief ever leaves us, no matt how long it is. It just takes one little thought and it brings everything to the surface once again.

[mummylin2495]

Oh I have just seen badvoc that your mum goes tomorrow. How sad for her to have to now face this. Your poor family

[PuddingandPie1]

I don't know why but today I have thinking about the last time I saw my Mum. I had been at a boring conference and I called in to see her on the way home. We went out to a pub for tea, then I took her home, dropped her off at the gate and waited until she was indoors before driving off.

She died 12 days later sitting in her favourite chair with my twins photo (he died 50 years ago) on the mantelpiece.

[mummylin2495]

That's very sad pudding, and what an awful shock for you at the time. I'm sure she was comforted by your twins photo. Isn't it strange how your mind keeps returning to the last time we saw our mums. I hate it and also find it very upsetting, for us too it was a Terrible shock and completely unexpected.