Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

Thank you shabbs as sad as it is to come here I am thankful for it, there is no one else I can really turn to who has suffered a loss of this magnitude and I end up being either avoided or having to rehash the terrible events before any 'advice' can be given.

I am so sorry you lost your boys, that everyone here had to lose their babies and my heart is with you all. I still have my sweet daughter who is only 1 and tries to be the sweet and affectionate girl she can be, the struggle I am finding is that I am not sure what to do when it comes to play time, I start feeling that void and as much as I fight it I'm trying to find what she likes without reverting back to what my caiden liked. I know it may be slim, but any advice on how to move forward for my DD so we can find special things together without feeling this heavy pull of sadness?

Sending a warm and gentle welcome to caiderbugsmom. I'm so sorry about your darling boy. I'm glad that you have found us and that it's a safe and supportive place for you to be.

Sorry I haven't posted for quite a while. I've been feeling very low and just haven't been here really. I've lurked a bit but haven't been able to post. Just getting through each day is tough but I try to keep really busy working in the garden. That's my therapy I think. It's my darling Paddy's second anniversary next month and I'm not sure how it's gone so quickly. I feel as if I'm just treading water and waiting, but I'm not sure what for.

I have flashbacks to what I imagine Paddy's last moments are and it takes my breath away and I whimper.

After losing a child I'm on a completely different planet to my husband, like living in a different world. It's so isolating. The person you need so much and it's just so hard.

neverending It is going to feel so surreal for a very long time, it hurts so much losing our babies and that will only ease in time a little. My DH is finding ways to cope on his own, and in the beginning we were both at odds and consumed with " why is sh/he dealing with this that way?" and " why does it seem like he/she is having an easier time?" the list goes on. My only hope is that you both can grief and find a way to come together through this, it's really hard and you each have different ways of dealing with this heart wrenching reality, the best to do is talk and be there for each other and hang in there the best you can hugs sending lots of love your way.

Afternoon girls xx

I am so sorry, all. My thoughts are with you. I just lost my 6-year-old son 6 months ago.

Yes, it is hard when spouses are grieving differently ... we all are hurting together, but we handle grief on our own. I stay at home (I have a younger child), and so am confronted by the reminders of my son all day, whereas my husband goes to work and, to some extent, avoids that during the day. So, then different things trigger him when he comes home, things I have had to see all day.

Best wishes to everyone.

33 years ago that Gareth (my twin baby boy) lost his fight against the heart condition he was born with - he was almost 7 months old. It is no longer the heart wrenching sadness it once was....now its a longing to see him again. Miss you little lad xxxx

I'm so sorry shabbs thinking off you today and Gareth.

((( shabbs )))

Sending caring thoughts to you, shabbs, and thinking of you and your son. Best wishes.

Thinking of you shabbs. Lots of love xxxx

Shabbs - hugs and wine to you and Gareth.

Thank you Shineyshoes.
It can be hard to be away.

Hiya girls xx

We are fast approaching our 1,000 capacity of posts on this thread.....do any of you ladies want to start a new one? I don't mind doing it at all but just wondered if someone would like a turn? xxxx

Hope everyone is ok - whatever the hell ok is xxxx

Hi everybody. Hope you're all doing ok.... whatever ok is.

I haven't posted for a while but have been lurking and watching and listening.

It's coming up to the last time that I saw Paddy alive (Sunday) and followed very shortly by the second anniversary of his death (10th).

I'm struggling to keep a grasp on reality and sanity sometimes. I keep busy. I keep very busy but sometimes think I'm going mad.

Seeing as I've raised my head above the parapet tonight I'm happy to start the new thread.

Sending love to you all. XXX

Thanks Lilly. Will be lighting my candle in honour of your precious son tomorrow and on the 10th. xxxxx

Hi, I just found this thread and read some of your heartbreaking stories. I lost my son (my first) when he was 12 days old almost 8 months ago. He was born early at almost 25 weeks. I feel so lost. I am pregnant again, 6 months and am at high risk of having this baby prematurely too.

I feel so conflicted in my emotions, I'm trying to stay positive and happy about this baby but feel angry and desperately sad about my first son. I feel like no one understands and people are so relieved I got pregnant again so quickly they feel better. I don't. Obviously it is a huge blessing and it certainly helps in some ways but I feel so guilty that conversations are now more about this baby than my son who died. I feel like as time passes he is thought about less. I feel so anxious about everything and angry at people with minor problems who complain about stupid things as I feel like they don't have a clue (I was one of those people before this though). I feel like any happy moments with this baby (God willing he arrives healthy) will always be overshadowed and I feel like that's unfair on this baby but also I feel like those moments have to be overshadowed otherwise it feels like I am moving on which I don't like the idea of.

Just reading your different stories gives me some comfort. I have so many mixed emotions right now I feel like I'm all over the place but trying to keep it together for the sake of the baby inside me now x

Thank you shabbs. I started the new thread as you'd realised that we're getting to the end of this one. Your title was perfect so just kept it. I hope it doesn't cause any confusion and we don't lose anybody.

Hi April. Welcome to our three. I'm so sorry about your darling son and can only imagine how your conflicting emotions must be tearing you in pieces at the moment. I started our new thread which has the same title as this....I'll put the link below. Please post on our new thread and I know that some of the lovely ladies on the thread will "meet" you there. Be gentle with yourself. It's such a tough time. XX

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/2437761-Our-special-thread-where-we-can-be-who-we-are-A-thread-to-remember-our-children-who-are-no-longer-physically-here-Our-safe-haven

Thanks Lily - have just posted xxx

April - come over to the new thread love. xxx

Hello ladies,
It's been a good while since I was last on leaning for support. i hope everyone is doing okay today as this reaches you. We're doing better on the home front, My DS has visited me in dreams often to talk to me and assures me he is ok. He also visits his little sister often to watch over her, so in a sense I've adjusted to letting go of control and simply loving him no matter what. i still have days where I cry hard and have images resurface from the ER that set me back, but overall we are moving forward. My DD is missing him but she too has adjusted and we talk about her big brother often, so much she can say his name, I'm lucky to have her as we go through this, truthfully she is my sunshine through this storm and I want everyone here to know i'm thinking about you and that i hope you have someone you can hold and hug when you need them, and if not know I'm thinking of you and wishing hugs upon you all now.