Our special thread where we can be who we are. A thread to remember our children who are no longer physically here. Our 'safe haven.'

[shabbs]

United we stand.....divided we fall. My love to all of you - a place to remember our precious children and to help each other walking this 'crappy path.'

23 years today since our precious DS3 - Matt - was killed. Feels surreal to be honest. Dont RIP Matt - you and Gareth, assisted by Grandad Harry, give them hell in heaven. Loved, missed and longed for everday xxxxx

Sending you big hugs shabbs

Thinking of you today shabbs. Xx

Virtual Hugs and wine heading your way shabbs. I hope they are giving them hell and all having a merry old time while doing it.

Thinking of you shabbs. Xx

Thanks my friends. Well, another day without him.....but tomorrow is another day - I have to get up, kick myself up the bum and get on with it.

Facebook has been overwhelming today. I didn't realise how many people loved and miss Matt. His teachers comments were so lovely. He touched so many peoples lives.

xxxx

Hi all, sorry I only popped in to introduce myself. I am knee deep in funeral arrangements and 'real life'. To add insult to injury, the hospital never moved Jack to the mortuary from labour suite and they said they were doing it last Saturday. When the funeral directors called to ask to collect him they were told that he was down for a 'public burial' that the hospital will arrange!

Thank god that we hadn't gone anywhere yet. I am taking him some blankets and teddies to the funeral directors tomorrow as they collected him Friday. How bad is it that I am going to check that it really is him? I don't trust the hospital now and have convinced myself that I need to check that it really is my Jack.

I am on auto pilot at the mo but I broke last night listening to music for his funeral. This is all so hard.

Just needing a moan. Lying here in bed and just can't get to sleep. Nothing significant whizzing around but even the sleeping tablet or relaxing oils arent helping. Crap....

Felt like I needed a good cry yesterday but it just wouldn't come. Maybe that's the problem.

Hi Spam I hope you're getting some support with the arrangements for Jack's funeral and that the funeral directors have sorted things out. It's such a hideous thing to do. Everything about it is so utterly wrong.

Mojito - I often lie in bed and feel as if I'm racing and everything starts whizzing through my mind. The only thing I can do then is to go downstairs and make some tea and sit and read until I'm ready to try and sleep again. and

Shiney - I am still working through the behavioural issues with my little one 6.5 years on. The impact of my DD's loss was extremely traumatic and he still has PTSD at present. It has been a long road but we are getting there. His fear of being left is extremely high and he has attachment issues because of it. Read up on attachment theory and attachment disorder to see if this could be related to your kids.

One of the biggest turning points was me taking anti-d's which calmed me down and gave me patience. He was so in sync with my moods that as I went up and down so did he. Good luck. It is hard to manage your grief and care for others too.

Shiney our ds who was 5 at the time did become high maintenance for a while and did get quite stroppy if he didn't get what he wanted. One other thing we noticed was his hearing seemed to deteriorate, now he does have a hearing loss and is aided but we were constantly repeating ourselves above what is usual for him, and this included when we were stood next to him. After repeat hearing tests we all came to the conclusion that the last time he "listened" to us we told him that his sister had died, so he just stopped listening incase he heard more bad news. Our ds's school have been fantastic as have all his friends and we can safely say that although he misses Pippa dreadfully he is coping well. I also think the help of a very mischievous 13 month old Elliott who thinks his big brother is a super hero does help!

Cathpip that made me feel so sad when you say the last time he had listened was when you told him about his sister. So very sad.

Dan has little memories of his twin brother - our memories are his IYKWIM - he asks, even now, about his twin. BUT after Matt (who always said that Dan was not just his big brother but his hero) Dan was totally devestated. We eventually got him to a child psyhcologist (sp??) she was amazing. He saw her for about a year and I truly believe she saved his life.

However, at the age of 33, he still gets separation anxiety and struggles to sleep without the landing light on. xx

Thanks for sharing shabbs and cathpip. It helps me understand that my DS is not alone on his journey through this either. So many are impacted by the tragic loss of children and the ripples seem to go far and wide.

Morning girls xx

Sat here with the curtains closed, telly on quietly, everybody else sleeping and the dog lay next to me. One of those days today - you know those days? Just down in the dumps, nothing to look forward to and just being a miserable bugger. Better kick myself up the bum and get on with the day xxxxx

Shabbs - don't kick yourself up the bum. Some days when I feel like you have described I allow myself the day to wallow, do nothing and mooch about. I hope you do to. Sometimes in life we just need those times and then as you say having wallowed for the time that seems right you give yourself a quick kick in the bum to get moving again.

I never thought this was a group I'd have too join. I have read a lot of your stories and they are heartbreaking. My son died on Monday he was born at 24 weeks and was just too little to make it he lived for 12 hours and died in his dad's arms.

I'm meeting with the minister tomorrow to discuss a graveside reading and I just don't know what I want. Does anyone have any advice.

Hi Irelephant. I'm so sorry about your little boy.It's heartbreaking. Something just came into my mind about a reading and it's gone again..... if I remember I'll come back and post again.

Sending you love and strength and gentle hugs. xxx

Thank you lilly I'm meeting with the minister at half 11 so I'm having a quick look through the internet now but nothing seems fitting.

I googled "Bereavement Poems" and it came up with quite a few options. Some of them were beautiful and would be suitable (in my opinion). Hope your meeting goes well. XX

I'm sorry you have had to join us irelephant. Too many new faces in this thread which means sadness and losses have entered their lives.

I don't have anything to help you with readings but wanted to let you know to come here whenever you need. It has been an amazing place of solace and care for me and I know you will find the same.

My sympathy to you and your family at the sad loss of your little boy. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. This road you are now on is long and winding and incredibly tough. We are here to listen if you need.

So sorry you have had to join us Irelephant but also glad you found us. This thread is most definitely our 'safe haven.' So sad to hear about your little boy. Life is very unfair xx

Irelephant, welcome to our safe place. So sorry you have joined. It does help tho, it really is a safe haven.

I'm struggling today, miss my boy so much. Been trying to get on with it but it's just hard isn't it. Wish we could stop the roller coaster sometimes. It's hard to kick yourself up the bum and get on with it at times.

There are times when I just don't want to get on with it and being there for others makes it even harder. Somehow I go through the motions but it really is challenging. I completely get it never.