Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

t875 just read about your dad I do hope all goes well with the results

Supermario, like you I hate the change of anything that my mum won't of seen and every day that passes is anther day from when I last saw her. Your poor little boy, it must be so hard to explain to small children that someone they loved is gone and won't ever come back, god it's hard enough for us to make sense of it , let alone a child. Hope you are looking after yourself, glad your Christmas plans are all up to date, mine aren't I will have to get a move on with some shopping. I'm a bit disrupted as I have my ds and gs staying until their new home sale is completed, should be hopefully next week .

This is my first post on this thread. Firstly I'd like to say how sorry I am for everyone who finds themselves here.

My dad died last week. He'd been poorly for a while with cancer. I helped SM look after him the last week of his life as he needed 24 hour care and we were with him when he died.

I'm meant to be going back to work tomorrow and just don't think I can face it. I've had two weeks off already, the first while he was still alive and then last week.....he died at the beginning of last week.

I'd really been planning on gong back tomorrow but I just feel too weepy and shakey still. Probably not helped by work been really pressured at the minute. I got a message on Friday night about some things which have changed at work and basically I've been moved to a different dept, given shifts to work when I'm normally 9-5 and given in excess of my hours every week. Normally I'd be pissed off but suck it up but I've been crying all weekend.

But I feel like work will think I'm taking too much time off. I'm going to need a day off for the funeral the week after next as well. I just feel like quitting my job as I feel so down and that I can't cope with the extra stress.

Also I'm meant to be doing a module for a masters degree at the minute and as part of the module I have to attend nearly 100 hours of meetings at work. By giving me these shifts it means I can't attend any meetings in December. Which is a sixth of my course. So that's stressing me out. I'm meant to be at uni tomorrow doing a presentation.

Hello viva I would strongly urge you to phone your doc for an apt tomorrow and get your doctor behind you. It sounds like you really can't go back at the moment or f you can't do that could you take some holiday time off? I am sorry that you have lost your dear dad, we all know on this thread how awful you will be feeling right now. But for now the important thing is to look after yourself. Do you have anyone to support you and help you through this first few weeks ?
The first few days and weeks are numbing and so very upsetting and it's like a different world where it feels like a bad dream.
You are in a bad enough situation without having to face lots of changes at work and are they able to just change your shifts like that ? Doyou have a contract stating your hours of work ?
Look after yourself first but def try and get more time off. Do please come here and we will support you

If your company is decent and they can manage without you there, I'm sure they could be understanding about your situation. That's an added worry for you having to miss your course in Dec. and how do you feel about tomorrow ?

Haven't been on here for a while, so busy settling my Dad in his new home and sorting out mum's finances. Been on a bit of a roller coaster emotion wise. I thought I was being ok and not crying too much. Last week went shopping with a friend for the day. When I got back I couldn't stop crying and last week at work I only just kept it together. Had one little cry when a colleague I hadn't seen since Mum died asked me how I was and I just burst into tears. Yesterday my DH and I cleared mum and Dad's house which was really painful. I found myself in Mum's room just sobbing and sobbing. Touching all her things and memories just came flooding back. I miss her so much. It was so very hard to pack all her things up. A very close friend of my Mum's came round to see me and gave me a hug. She took me back to her house and have me tea and cake. She was so kind. She misses my mum too. I just seem to be crying all the time when I am on my own. I am trying to be stong but seem to have lost it recently. It has been a month since she died. Thinking about Christmas is hard.

Thinking of you all on this thread and sending positive thoughts and love to you all.

I think uni will be quite understanding. If I'm signed off sick I can't go to uni. Will see the GP tomorrow. I was/am worrying about work not managing but I think I have to put myself first.

They can change my dept and hours if they want to.....just the lack of notice is a bit shit but it happens to colleagues all the time, people complain but are just told "tough".

Oh agnes it is such early days for you yet. Don't expect too much of yourself. It's natural to be in tears a lot in the early days. But gradually there will be longer times between the bouts of cryin I promise you. I think this time of the year makes all of us so sad because of the past Christmases we have spent with our loved ones., its natural to miss them at anytime but when these special occasions come round it hurts so much. And the firsts are the worst. Birthdays. Easter. Mother's Day they are all nearly unbearable for the first time. Over Xmas light a candle for your mum and think of her. It will be tough but you can do it

It's all very difficult for you at the moment but yes , you must take care of yourself first. Def go and see your doc and tell him exactly how awful you are feeling.

Viva, I am sorry for your loss x
The timing of your move by your bosses is staggeringly inappropriate IMHO.
Do go to the gp.
I think my brother will be going this week...he had a bit of a meltdown a couple of says ago apparently and didn't go into work.
My aunt has been given 2 months...just awful :(

sorry mummylin meant crem my blooming phone!!

Hi biscuits btw! Well hope you don't mind me sharing everyone.

But had random things happen this week which have made me think possibly signs from my mum as I do believe in this.
Had a small white fluffy feather outside the door before hubbies 40th birthday, my mum adored him so i bet she was saying happy birthday.

Then through out this week ive had random coins turn up. a 50p piece which had saxon writing on it which was really strange, i had a £2 coin with Charles dickens writing on it and Saturday i had a £1 coin with all cricket pictures over it, stumps, ball, bat etc, so i gave it to my dad as he loves cricket, but very very strange and saw it as a sign it was sent from above to let me know she is around. We also found on my dads table tonight from out of no where a small metallic silver star!! Hes going through so much at the moment bless him

thank you mummylin, regarding the terrible accident here. ds2 saw the helicopter flying above his football game about 9pm that night and he's friends with the son of one of them men in it , really puts things in perspective, my heart goes out to everyone involved in it.

t875, that was definate signs to me, your mum is letting you know shes still about and watching over you all, esp since you are waiting for your dads results, your mum is there with you all, probably putting her arms around you xx

viva, please go to your gp, he'll sign you off work for a bit longer, you need the chance to grieve without the added stress work gives you. I'm sorry for your loss and please join in here whenever you want, we all sadly understand how devastating the loss you feel is and how it affects parts of your life like work/study etc .

badvoc, hope you get some rest and the chance to get better now xx

Def something going on for you t what a comfort to you that must be
badvoc very sorry to see the news about your aunt, I hope she will be kept as comfortable as is possible. How has your mum taken that awful news ?

I think that she has a lot on ATM, what with me (!) and now my brother - it's taken her mind off my aunt to an extent I guess.
It wasn't exactly surprising news but - until they actually say it - there is always a glimmer of hope.
I hope to be feeling a bit better by mid week so I can go and see her.

Don't go rushing around too much badvoc. You are recovering from an operation and need to take it easy

:)
I know.
I promise I won't do much - sadly dh is away on weds with work (good timing, eh?) but my mil is staying over.

You don't know it badvoc but I have secret powers than can keep an eye on you

:)

that wouldnt suprise me, you always seem to know :D haha

I just found one of my robin decorations snuck into the boys toybox, strange children they need only have asked and they could put it on their tree! They already have slightly different more cartoon robins so i never thought to ask. i have gutted their room today ready for christmas coming. so much rubbish!

Soooo...ds2 sent home from school poorly :(
I am starting to feel sorry for myself now :(

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself in the circumstances. It never seems to stop does it. Roll on next year and hope it's better for all of us. What s wrong with ds ? How are you feeling in yourself ?

How are you now and poor ds poorly too. hope things calm down for you and you get time to recover. things are okay here keeping busy

Temp, sore throat, sick....sigh.
He seems a bit better now after huge dose of ibuprofen and calpol.