Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

It is one of the worst things to have to go through and it's a lot to take in. You will have moments when you feel ok , then it will hit you like a ton of bricks, but this is perfectly normal. There will really be no pattern to your grief and everyone faces it differently, but what we have in common on this thread , is that we have all lost someone we loved, so we understand perfectly what you are and will go through. We will all be here to offer our support anytime you need it.

am so sorry to read that snowy, what an awful shock it is, I remember it well, I dont think that day ever leaves any of us. your dad sounds lovely, he will be so much missed. sending thoughts for you and your mum and of course your kids too xx

and to everyone else newly bereaved here, I'm sorry . sometimes I cant keep up with this thread, its so big now, and I dont reply to everyone, but am thinking of you all xx

Snowy - I am very sorry for your loss.
Many of on here have lost our parents very suddenly and unexpectedly (me included) and it's hard to describe the shock and mental anguish it causes.
The best advice I can give you is to accept any help offered....people really will want to help.
My beloved dad will have been gone 6 months on 27th and I still can't believe he is gone. I dont think i will ever accept it. I will always be waiting for him to walk through the door. Like all of us, I need to learn to live despite my grief.
Love to you x

Just to reassure all that I am keeping an eye on thread as it will soon come to an end, will start a new one when its time.

thanks mummylinx

beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with me I get up every day and just cannot be bothered, I've got loads of survey stuff I could be doing but don't feel like it, dp has just asked if I wanted to walk into town for something nice for tea but I can't face the kids arguing and whining that they've got to walk and got no money to spend so am just moping around the house complaining about being bored.

super, theres nothing wrong with you, you sound a bit depressed but who wouldnt be, losing your mum so young...try to be kind to yourself and know what ur going thru is really hard and tough, maybe walk into town urself and have a coffee, leave the kids to dh, you need a break from them x

the thought of going through the rest of my life feeling like this is horrible :( no such luck of disappearing for the day I am skint for next few days. how are you today? dont think the miserable weather helps does it

btw super, are u near a john lewis, if u are they do a free membership card where when u join up you get a free hot drink and a cake once a month, u can join up at any till when u make a purchase however small, worth doing if u can get 2 minutes peace to enjoy it by yourself x

not near one but there is one in town I go to on bus so will have a look

i'm actually doing ok, trying to keep busy, the empty days are the hardest. my kids are older than urs and so can go to their rooms to play xbox all day, sure is easier than when they're fighting in ur face all the time , i know how hard that is.x

I too feel a bit like you SM. I can't remember when I had a really good laugh or actually really enjoyed anything. It's just not the same anymore and years of this is daunting. The headstone people just rang to say they cleaned the stone yesterday and will do t again in 6 months. I didnt even realised we had this service until they phoned me before about it.
Go and st down , put your feet up and do nothing, just relax and have a little while to yourself x

yeah check it out, there will be leaflets at the till, u hand it to the till assistant and she'll fill it in on the till, then they send u a booklet with one years free hot drink and cake vouchers for one a month, i havent used januarys yet and am lookin forward to it!!

am off to get a shower, spk soon girls xx

My kids go to their own houses !!!

Kick off any second ! Dh gonna ring so I can hear you'll never walk alone !!!

they do bugger off now and again to play Xbox but come back to whine that someone isnt taking turns. it's just bizarre isn't in, like you can be happy but it's never the happy you used to be. that is also what I have a problem with ssd empty days that aren't filled make me overthink. I would be at mums now probably on a butty shop and coca cola run, then we would buy ds a magazine and stay there chatting and doing little things in the house until tea time when id get a taxi home, id of looked after her no matter how bad she got I always would of. good news on the cleaning of the stone its nice that it is maintained like that my mums husband does hers, with a toothbrush and liquid. bet she would be pissing herself laughing at him.

my x used to do that . ring me at kick off so I could hear the fans singing wise men say, was my favourite kind of phone call

He rang and all I could hear was my towns fans chanting " barmy army " I will be looking for my dh and brothers in the crowd ! It's a real big game for us

Hello dear friends.

I'm ashamed to say that I've only skimmed through as I have a very needy Nemo today.

Lin - my heart aches for your DD and their DCs, their father is going to kill himself. Has she (your DD) thought about posting on here? On the Brave Babes thread just to talk to people who are or have been in her shoes? We're all lovely over there and very supportive, non judgemental and will certainly be able to empathise with her.

This must be soul destroying for you to watch too, knowing that you can't make him stop. You must feel so helpless and it's awful I'm so sorry lovely xxx

Badvoc - ah, so you're the one with the back etc issues.... I have SPD too, I was put on crutches at 20 weeks pg with Nemo but they couldn't really do much until after he was born, then when we got the huge shock of having to handle all of his disabilities, my own health went right on the back burner.

Eventually I got a few x-rays and MRI's done and they showed that L5 is where the trouble lies, and that's when I began seeing a physio, pain management team etc.

I'm on so much morphine (and other controlled meds) that people actually wonder how I can walk but my system is saturated with it so I can function; in effect, I'm a high functioning smack head

I've had injections into my spine and surrounding areas to try to relieve the pain but it actually made me worse. They've said they can fuse my spine but there's a 1/20 chance of permanent paralysis and with a disabled toddle to care for, (Nemo is almost 5 but his mental age is 2.5/3) and a teen DD who needs her mum, not forgetting poor DH, it's just not an option.

Plus I asked the surgeon if he'd have it done and he said NO! Hmm, think that I'll skip that then. Especially as once they start to fuse, the next discs up take the strain so it would be a never ending process.....

Anyway, it's a never ending circle of meh and medication so anyone on here with back/hip/pelvis problems, you have my utmost sympathies xxx

Snowy - sorry to hear your news. (((hugs))) xxx

Downton - I couldn't not post to you because the palliative care was so similar to what my own mum went through, the 'being very herself' one minute and then not, there were just lots of things the same xxx

Sorry not to NC everyone.

A huge (((((HUG))))) to ssd who I've not really had a chance to 'speak' to yet :)

And of course anyone else I've not said hi to. I hope that today is kind on you all.... we're just going to get some food for tonight, we're having a treat dinner. We can't go out for meals as we have no childcare, so in almost 5 years, DH and I have never been out for dinner so we have 'date nights' instead and tonight's the night!

I wish you all peace and calmness. Take good care of yourselves and remember to be selfish when you need to be, even if you onlyy manage to get 5 minutes to yourself.

Mouse xxx

No mouse dd would not contemplate coming on here. She basically just gets on with her life, she works hard and keeps things going. Things will not get any better for her until he teaches the end of the road, which he surely will and I think it will be sooner rather than later. I have had no further updates about him today yet but I know dd is going to visit him later. She is just bloody worn down with it all.
They did have such a lovely life, a nice home , two lovely girls and now it's all gone for him and dd is left to struggle on. But she will be ok. She knows I am always here for her and in fact he knows I am still here for him despite him being a selfish person now. Strangely we have always got on am I have to say he has never disrespected me at all, not even when I stood between him and my dd to stop him getting to her ( I am 7 stone , he is about 16 stone ) . He doesn't even hold it against me that I got him arrested, he knows that's what he deserved and I will not / could not have my dd hurt again. They don't live together now and haven't for the last few years and this helps a lot. My gd,s are young women now and don't have a lot of time for him anymore. It's all about him and he has every excuse reason to drink because everyone else has done something to make him drink ! It's never ending blame and so many excuses . It's just a big worry , I just want my dd and gd,s to be ale to move on with their lives and be happy again.

Mouse...I had one of the pain killing injections in my spine but it didn't work :(
And because it's L3 they couldn't go from above and had to go in from the side that's was fun.
Have you tried nefapam for the pain? It's my new fave drug :) it was the only thing that touched my biliary colic...
So...I have some sort of lurgy again. Honestly, it's ridiculous. Manky throat and feel crappy.
Broken dishwasher gone :(I feel very low today.
Lin...what A dreadful disease alcoholism is :(

Yes it is badvoc. And it's the same in so many homes these days. But we have coped with it all so far and I really don't think it can go on for that much longer. We do know what the outcome will be eventually.
It's a blow about the dishwasher, I would hate to be without mine now. I have only had one for the last 18 months or so. But it's my fav thing.
Back pain is the pits and unless you have suffered no-one knows how awful that sickening pain is.

I think we will have to replace it.
We need 2 new carpets too.
Oh, and the car has sprung a leak so that's got to go in next week.

Lin - that's so sad but a very real and very common problem that is rarely talked about so it's left as the elephant in the room which saddens me massively. I keep the Brave Babe threads going, in the hope that they will help just one person to stop, or change the way that they are drinking or cut down.

To see the real danger alcohol can do and does do day in, day out to people who are just like you and me, not the stereotypes you see on tv....... people who had it all, have it all and then it's gone.

A loss does often lead to alcolishm and that is a massive trigger for me. I have to watch my moods, I know that if I feel myself slip that I have to do my 'drill' but there is rarely white wine in the house unless it's going in something for cooking or DH is having fish, vodka is my weapon of choice and I learnt that one the hard way.................

Lin watching your DD and her girls go through this must be so hard and to see the man that she loves become a shell of his former self must hurt you also. I understand that she wouldn't come on here to talk.... it's not for everyone :)

I hope that your DD knows how much YOU love her, it's crystal clear by the way that you talk about her just how concerned you are for them all but the love you hold for her is amazing. :) I think that when the time comes, whether he leaves by his own accord or by The Powers That Be, you'll be her rock, as you are now xxx