Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

that makes sense, its not that you dislike them at all its just that its so hard to see it i feel the same. when MIL sends ds a present to grandson i rage a bit that his nanna isnt here and it isnt fair. she hasnt done it to be cruel but it makes me sad nonetheless. you are only human you cant help how you feel. see how you feel at the time and whether you feel like going

Sounds like a tough time well done mummylin I'm glad you had your support with you. I bet your mum was proud of you.

Champagne - bless you. Thank you for sharing your tribute with us. If you feel up to it come talk to us about them. (())

Hope everyone else isn't feeling too bad. My thoughts are with you all xx

For some reason the Internet went off and only just been able to get on it. I have had a strange couple of days which has left me feeling a bit odd. It's all to do with the last of the mums of all of my younger days dying. I feel incredibly sad and has made me look back over the years which of courses, makes me think straight away of my mum. Now all the mums I have known all my life have gone and just all their children are left, I think we are to going to arrange to all have a get together at some point .When we were all young we all lived in adjoining houses and all the mums became " aunties " to all the children. The mums had also been friends all their lives so it was a very happy time. But now they have all gone, every single one of them and its a sobering and sad thought. And theonlyntimes all us children have met up in the last few years has been at one of the funerals, we have all been there for each funeral and although it has always been a sad occasion, it has been lovely to meet up again and share our childhood misdemeanours ect ! And so now it has ended and it's so upsetting.

It does sound very hard mummy linn I am glad you have your friends to share those memories with it must be very strange. I am the only one if my old friendship group who has lost a parent it's a bit lonely none of them understand why I sometimes feel like I do . ds books from Winston wish turned up today it's a really nice activity book with the right balance of things to remember and fun things to do I think he will like to do it

Hi everyone - just back from a long-overdue holiday which Mum had been badgering us to take for years! We had a lovely time- staring out to sea made me quite melancholy at times thinking of Mum and my gran, who both adored the seaside and would have loved to see DD running about in it for the first time. By the end of the week I'd managed to relax and enjoy it a bit, which was lovely - I hadn't realised just how tense I'd been.

My dad was very ill before we went - he's always had slight rheumatic problems in his hands for as long as he can remember (it's hereditary - I have it too at a really low level) but it's suddenly got so bad he can barely hold anything. He's also started to get dizzy spells and anxiety attacks - his memory seemed really bad but I wasn't sure how much of the confusion might have been caused by the dizziness. My first reaction was to be terrified that I was going to lose him too - Dad's always been an academic sort so seeing him unable to remember basic things like the name of the person he'd just been speaking to was awful. I'm hoping possibly against hope that it's something treatable rather than a sign of anything really sinister. Going to see him tonight, but will have DD in tow so talking about it in any depth could be hard. With luck he'll have actually been to the GP which is like getting blood out of a stone.

mummylin it sounds like you've had a tough few days; hope you're doing OK.

badvoc get well soon!

Hi to super, agnes, t875, ssd and anyone I've missed..

Yes it's been a very odd few days really, my brother has sent me a photo taken at a BQ round one of my brothers , all the mums except my mum are in the photo. I just can't believe they have all gone. My mums sister is feeling it a bit and said that it will be her and my uncle next. I can't bear the thought of that at all and I hope it's not for a long while. But I have to be realistic. They are both in their 80 s now and have various health issues . Oh to go back to being a young child where these thoughts don't invade your brain
Hope you are all doing ok. Nice to see you Vlad and I'm glad you got to enjoy your break. Love to you all and thanks for thinking of me.

hi everyone, had my last session with cruse last week, I do feel its done me good just to get my thoughts out. But of course it cant take away my loss and god I'm really feeling it. The loss is just massive, my mum was such a huge part of my life. The only family I have now is dh and the dc's, I have no other family. There was only us and mum for years, now theres just us. I told the counsellor I wont ever get over losing mum, I'll always have her loss in me. Theres no family left to fill the gap of losing mum, no one at all, literally. Its very isolating, the world seems full of people with extended families, I feel very isolated. I hope my dc's don.t suffer for this, I cant bare that thought. I dont know how I ended up like this, its something I didnt consider when mum was here, probably because I was always so busy with her. I know losing my siblings since mum died has totally compounded my loss, but I dont want them now, I've had enough and they dont seem at all bothered. Its all very sad.

hi to you all xx

Hi all, hada busy couple of days a I have my ds and gs moving in tomorrow temporarily whilst they are waiting for their new house to complete sale. They have sold theirs and exchange is Friday. Ds,s wife staying with her dad who only lives 2 mins from me. So been hectic trying to free up a room for them but its all done now, had no time to dwell on anything else. Hope you are all ok. ssd glad your cruse apt went ok. Hope it has helped you . It's awful for you to feel so ignored by your siblings, this is where I have been very lucky.
t there is a delay in my sisters house down here too and now she may not be down here for Xmas. She is so disappointed. So you never know there is a possibility I still may be in your neck of the woods !
badvoc hope you are doing ok and not in pain, not too long until your op now, that hopefully will sort you out
To all of you, I send you some comforting vibes and hope you are all coping ok x

Hi all

It was my mums funeral yesterday. It was a lovely service and there were lots of family there who I haven't seen for a few years. The flowers that I was so worried about were beautiful, my mum would have loved them and I only realised in the car that they were the same colours as her favourite top.

I was completely drained by the time we got to the wake. I expected to cry my heart out after keeping it together this last two weeks but I didn't think I'd be so tired. It didn't help that we had a panic to find someone to watch dd1 as she woke with a sickness bug but luckily one of my friends was willing to risk it, I didn't realise I had such great friends. I was so tired i was in bed by 8pm, I'd have slept through if ds2 hadn't started throwing up.

It's true when they say it doesn't rain it pours.

I hope everyone is okay, sorry for rambling on

Oh sorry crazykat I didn't realise you had the funeral to face yesterday. I am glad that everything went off ok. Isn't it amazing where the strength comes from to face this final goodbye. I think it helps a lot having others around you. So glad you were happy with the flowers and I'm sure your mum would be pleased that they matched her fav top. Take care of yourself, find the time to have a bit of time on your own if you need it

crazykat just wrote a long post there and it disappeared...anyway I wanted to say how sorry I am, I didnt realise your mums funeral was on tuesday, I hope it went as well as it could and the flowers sound beautiful. Try to look after yourself

xxx

mouseface don't be scared of us ! Please Come back and join our. Lovely supportive thread. We are all nice , honestly.

mouseface, join in, we're scared and lost too xx

Hi ssd hope you are ok and have had a good day today

Hi Everyone!
badvoc Hope you haven't long to wait for your surgery and get well soon xx

mummylin Glad the crem wasn't too upsetting, as you say it is just a room.

ssd I feel like you most days. It was me and my mam against the world. I don't think my life can be a good one or what it should be without her in it,which then makes me feel so down.

crazykat Hope your dc are feeing better? Glad your Mums funeral went as well as can be expected.
My own Mums was draining I was home and in bed with my dc at 8pm too.

Sorry to whoever I missed.

Sending positive vibes to everyone x

hi mummylin and lucy,

My mum died almost 3 years ago, I don't know how one adjusts to such a loss.

I was mistaken by someone for their daughter yesterday whilst at the supermarket - this woman was shopping with her daughter, I looked v similar at a glance to her daughter and this woman put something in my trolley before she'd realised who I was, or was not, more to the point. Her daughter came up the aisle quickly and apologetically and we were vaguely similar, long dark hair, same complexion, black coat. Anyway, there was just a casual "sorry", "no problem" exchange and we parted. But it totally freaked me out because the mother also looked similar to my mother.

My first thoughts were "mum and I used to shop together but now she's dead and I miss her so much; lucky woman and daughter, they still have each other", the wave of irrational anger that this other woman still has her mum whilst I do not... I know it's unkind and irrational.

I'm sorry, this is a really incoherant rant... but how do you deal in these situations where you are confronted with your loss?! I try very very hard to not dwell on my mother's death, I'm not in denial obviously, but I cannot think or talk about her without falling to pieces.

I'm very sorry to hear about people's losses here. My heart is with you.

mumtotigers there is no answer that will make any of us feel any different and stop us feeling their loss so deeply. The only thing we can do is to continue our lives the best that we can, which I am sure all our parents would wish for us. I think we all feel a terrible envy when we see daughters and mums /dads together when we don't have ours. It also makes me angry when I see others on here moaning about their mums. I'm sure like the rest of us you would give anything to have your mum back.Until the moaners lose theirs they will never understand the terrible hole that their passing will leave.i don't think the grief will ever go and for myself I know I will never ever feel truly happy again. We are a mixture on here of different circumstances, and different time spans, but what we all have in common is the terrible feelings of grief, anger towards certain people who have not been supportive and the overwhelming relief that we can at least come on here and speak to .like minded people who will understand. But if we can a least make life more bearable for each other , that in itself helps a lot. I do think that we are gradually getting a bit stronger than we were and I have to say that if I didnt have everyone on this thread to talk to it would of been totally unbearable.
badvoc hope you are not in too much pain and that you are being looked after, not many days to wait until your op now. Put yourself first for now for a change
Hello to everyone else, I seem to of been turned on my head having my visitors here ! Not a spare inch of space at the moment with gs and ds staying until their new house sale is completed.so for now I have my mum / nan head on !

Hello all, just trying to catch up with the last couple of pages.

crazycat I'm glad the funeral went ok and I know what you mean about the exhaustion- it really is such a draining day and I think we keep ourselves going, focused on that day and then you're hit with the exhaustion afterwards. Be gentle with yourself now.

Badvoc So sorry to hear about the gallstones, I've heard they're outrageously painful :( Hope you won't have to wait too long before your op.

mummylin It must be so hard to see the last of that generation gone. Your plans for a get-together with the next generation sound good.

mouseface Agree with ssd- we're all a bit scared and lost too. Come back and chat when you're ready.

Hi follygirl and mum2, I'm sorry to read of your losses. I share some of your feelings of resentment and jealousy of others who still have what we want to have. I went to a spa last weekend, which was a lovely treat (some very kind friends had bought me some vouchers) and I saw lots of mum-and-daughter combos there which did hurt. I found myself staring at these pairs and feeling angry at what they'd got and how easy and casual it all was for them. I just stuck my nose in my book and did my best to ignore them :)

I feel exhausted and confused today. My mind is playing tricks on me. I was thinking about my dad and very nearly phoned mum to talk about how much I missed him. Then later I thought about mum and how much I miss her and thought 'oh well, at least I still have my dad'. But no. At times like this I wonder if I'm properly insane but I suppose it's all just part of the process.

hi mumtotigers. Its quite a relief actually to read your post. Its a relief to know we arent supposed to get over it, and "time does heal". When I say a relief I mean I know I'll never get over this, the adjustment is too huge. And sometimes the expectation that we should be getting better by now just makes it worse, and makes it something to be hidden from brighter, happier folk (eg. those who still have their mums). I just know I'll live the rest of my life feeling the loss of my mum and dad, my childhood and my past. Its just taking over everything for me and the void is huge. But as mummylin says so well, we have to carry on and love and laugh as before. For me seeing women my age with mums is utterly heart wrenching, I stare at them, seething, thinking "why have you still got a mum....and she can walk!!!" My mum was housebound for years. I know I lost my mum years ago, but actually losing her last year has cut all ties to my past, its all utterly gone, theres no family left apart from me. My mum and dad were very old and had no siblings left alive, so theres just no family left. Dh has siblings but never sees them. We're very isolated although we keep the kids busy with stuff. But the gap where parents/aunties/uncles/etc should be is just huge. But as I said before its a relief to know we cant get over this, it takes the pressure away from even trying.

waterlego, my heart goes out to you.To lost your mum and dad in such a short space of time is unbearable. I'm so very sorry

I'm lurking and will be back, just have lots on. You're all so supportive and so fragile too xxx

I miss my mum so much. It sometimes feels like I am in the middle of a scary film and then it comes to the end and everything is ok. Unfortunately there is no end

I think I know just what you mean FoD

I get a feeling like 'it'll all be all right when this is all over/when I wake up'...it's a little bit more vague than that but hard to explain. But yes, I get a sense that it'll all be ok when... But there is no 'when' because they're gone and never coming back, and this is all part of our grief experience. Our brains dealing with this huge shock that we can't really process.

Sending hugs to you, and to mouse

ssd, thank you. Feeling very sorry for myself today. A lot of what you say really resonates with me :(

Waterlego it must be so hard for you, I'm barely keeping it together after losing my mum. You aren't the only one to forget, I picked up the phone the other day to talk to my mum and was half way through dialling when I remembered. It's an awful feeling, like bringing it all back that they aren't here any more.