Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Oh wow im sorry i am very behind..

Crazycat - Bless you (()) glad the funeral went the best it could, Its very draining isnt it.

mummylin - let us know if you do come down here, would be great to see you. Shame for your sister though.

biscuits, Ssd, mouse, FOD, waterlego super, vlad, and anyone ive missed thinking about you all xx

Hello all, how is everyone doing?

I'm struggling big time. Am just gutted and bleak and broken and angry and devastated and blah blah blah.... I don't want to have to feel like this every day. It's shite.

Hugs to you all.

Im sure I speak for all of us on here i for one have felt like this a lot on and off and still do get them moments.

Hope you feel a little better over this weekend hun, very very hard though and feel for you. Big hugs waterlego, it really is shite, take it easy on yourself and be there for you.
lots of love to you xx

I second what t875 says xx

Hi all
Sorry I have been AWOL for a while...have been in and out of hospital and am having my gallbladder out this afternoon!
Loooong story but Going private as the NHS cancelled my - emergency - op 3 days running and I couldn't take anymore.
Feeling very very nervous and generally petrified so prayers/vibes/good thoughts welcome!
Love to all x

Been thinking of you badvoc and am glad to hear that you will soon be pain free. sending many good vibes and wishing you well soon

sending you all the good vibes in the world badvoc, hope you'll be feeling better soon xxx

Oh badvoc wishing you all the best in the world, thank goodness you can now get rid of your pain. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. I'm sure the hospital will look after you and I'm sure most people feel a bit scared when having an op. I was terrified and nearly came home !

Good luck badvoc hope it goes ok I'm sure they will very much look after you. Take care and take it easy. Let us know how you go! X

I'm back to the hospital with my dad tomorrow. He got the all clear from his cystoscopy but he's now got to have a follow up c t scan which I'm so worried about

Hope you are now sat upon your bed feeling much relieved its all been seen to. Take care

Hope went ok badvoc

Badvoc Thinking of you, hope you're recovering nicely, please come back soon xx

mummylin You have a great way with words. I love to read your advice it always makes sense to me, thank you

waterlego I can feel the pain coming from your post. I wish I could hug you and try take some of your pain away.

I have had a really tough day on the verge of tears since I woke up. I took my dc to a Christmas market and to meet Santa it was so hard. I wanted to run home and hide.

Christmas means nothing without my parents. I know its for the dc and I know I sound so selfish but the pain is all consuming

I'm days away from my DDs 3rd anniversary. He had dementia and slipped away at 6am on 09/12/13. I got a call from the hospital to let me know he was slipping away. I crashed my car on the way because of ice and by the time I got there he had died. The next day my dbil collapsed with a brain haemorrhage and on the 28/12/13 he died. I took four days off work to arrange things and help my ds. Then I went back to work. I didn't get a phone call off any of my work friends, not one call from my boss and I was ok with that I thought. Only now I am in a new dept and my best work friend has just lost his dd. My new team have rang, we have sent cards, flowers and are they are so supportive and lovely and I feel so sad and so angry that I didn't have that experience. Then I feel so guilty at hijacking his grief! I'm so sad for my friend but so worried about how he will be when he comes back. I'm scared that he will want to talk about his dad and I am frightened I'm going to say the wrong thing or end up talking about my dad when it's not about me! Or even worse have a complete meltdown at work. I thought I'd be ok by now but it feels exactly the same as it did three years ago. I feel masses of guilt because within 12 hours of dd dying I was at neuro with my ds and I feel like none of us grieved for dd we all focused on dbil and after that the focus was on ds and has been ever since. And now I'm faced with my friends loss and I'm not sure I can handle it.

Hi Caketinrosie

I am off to bed but didnt want to ignore you.
my word i am sorry to hear of your loss of your dd and also the other losses you have had in your life. We near on all on here no your anger and bitterness towards people you thought would be there through that horrendous time. I feel i am through that tunnell atm but im sure it will creep up again, but i know one thing i will never be there for them like i was. Bitterness and anger i found was draining me and stressing me out eating me away and i had a battle with that a few months back

I dont know wether this will help you and if you have gone down an routes like this but i found 3 sessions with CRUSE helped me a lot, there was stuff i could tell them that i didn't tell anyone, didn't need to worry about hurting anyone's feelings, they were great and went over and over my anger and all the other emotions. I do also like to believe my mum is still with me and looking out for me and sends little messages from time to time. But this doesnt take anyway my void when i miss her like mad.

Thinking of you and sending you a ((hug)) It is very hard, please come back and see us anytime you need too. x

Hi Lucybabs

The pain is very consuming i remember last year and walking round the shops in a daze and watery eyed, not being able to stay in shops easy.

I dragged my self through Christmas for the kids but also cause i know my mum would be really annoyed if we didn't have a good Christmas. I got her a little special gift and also made a card for her shelf. Maybe you could do something special for you and the children, maybe buy a tree ornament each of you to put on your tree or a candle arrangement?

It is very hard though, and will be thinking of you, please come here we can all support each other through like we done last year. This year is still gutting at times but not as bad the gaps of sorrow are a bit wider I do have to try and shut out that excrutiating loss feeling though when it comes as it obliterates me and blows my mind to think she isnt here anymore and that kills me so much and just try and involve her with us keeping her spirit alive but doing little things she loved.

Take care ((hugs)) to you xx

good advice t875, and am thinking of you and your dad at the hospital today, sending best wishes to him xxx

Thank you so much ssd. Will let you know! ((Hugs)) xxx

xx

Oh my god, I can feel the pain of your posts lucyand cake Lucy I am two years on now from losing my mum and like you it still feels like last week.it is tough getting through Christmas but in fact we owe it to our lost ones to still celebrate it. That is what they would all want for us. Admittedly it will never be the same without them. There will always be am empty space at the table. I'm sure they would not want us to grieve but I don't see how we can help that. It is a testament to our loved ones how much we were loved and how much we too loved them. So on Christmas Day I will fix a smile on my face and get through the day as I know our parents would want us too. Raise a glass to them and thank them for making us who we are. We can all get through with the help and support of each other.
cake what a lot of sadness you have had to endure, I feel so sorry, it's almost more than one person can bear. Like you some of us have found others not as supportive as we would of wished them to be. What does it take for a kind word. Or a little hug ? It's good that your work friend is getting a lot of support I'm sad that you didnt get that .i talk about my mum a lot, every day to whoever will listen. I think it helps to keep her alive. It will,probably be very painful for you and make you relive your own grief if your work friend talks about his loss but unlike some of the people who let you down. I'm sure you will be available to him. It makes such a difference to know that someone cares . I am one of the luckier ones in that my siblings are all close but in saying that they don't seem to feel the same depth of grief that I am still feeling. They all appear to of been able to move on with their lives, whilst I am still stuck in that horrible place . But on the plus side of that I am able to get through each day
A d live a reasonably "normal" life , but my heart will always be broken and I will never get back to being the person I was . We can support you on here as much as possible. We all can empathise and feel the pain that you and lucy are in.
badvoc hope today you are much improved and enjoying being looked after for a change
T hope you get good results about your dad. You know we are here for you
waterlego I am sorry you are feeling so bad., but I promise you it does get better. It's ok to feel sad and think its a normal part of grief, and you have certainly had your share of that recently
ssd as usual I send you my love and the hopes that next year is the year you will start to accept your grief. You have been through a bad time And had to cope virtually on your own. Your siblings should be bloody ashamed of themselves for what they have put you through
FOD you know we are all here to support you a as much as we possible can. You can and will get through this awful time, we all will eventually. It is not something that will be gone in a couple of weeks and the pain is unbearable at times almost like a real physical pain in your heart. It used to feel .ike I had a lead weight where my heart used to be. Thankfully that ache has now gone and it will for you too
biscuits mouseface and anyone I have forgotten to mention, thinking of you all and sending you strength
I am off to the crem today to
Plant some little winter pansies on my mum and sisters graves, I think it will be freezing but I need to get it done as no other bugger will ! Hope you all have a good day as is possible

what a thoughtful and compassionate post mummylin, thank you so much , you deserve some too, hope your visit to your mum and your sisters graves are as peaceful as possible, the pansies sound lovely xx

Oh and ssd I am so sorry about the terrible accident that has happened in Scotland. So many families ripped apart. It's just heartbreaking , for the families, rescuers everyone who is affected by this I send my sympathies x

Hi all
Sorry I haven't read all the posts, but am thinking of you all.
Am home.
Feel a bit battered but not too bad really.
I have 4 wounds and (sadly) clips so I will need to get them taken out this week.
Just hoping its all done with now...

So glad you are home badvoc hope you will soon recover and feel back to normal. Make the most of this resting time and DON'T try and do too much

Badvoc - glad your home. Take it easy Hun you've been through a lot.

Ssd - I'm totally with mummylin I hopr next year is better for you so proud of you, you have come far and it's your siblings that have missed out on a wonderful person! Xx

Mummylin - hope the cream goes ok today, let us know how it goes.

My dad went to the hospital. He had the dye through him. Praying his results r ok. Thanks for the support xx

Hi all sorry I haven't been around much had lots on and been super busy. have been doing my secret santa it's been fun . was feeling really bad for a few weeks and have avoided the thread I haven't been to the grave for a while I don't find it helps at all anymore just makes me feel awful. I am going to try to go more but finding it hard recently my brother never goes he says he hates it. We got a muddles puddles and sunshine book from Winstons wish which ds has been filling in he understood much more than I thought was so hard to hear the way he spoke about some things. when it asked how he felt he said he was happy when we were doing happy things but the sadness was always with him and he felt bad for being happy. can't believe at six he has to think about these things. I have thrown myself into Christmas this year and have done really well but it doesn't stop me missing her my calendar that I found wrapped up at her house finishes this year it was my last ever present from my mum. and I feel crap about it like every stage I move forward, room I redecorate or hair colour I change is a step further from the life I had when she was part of it . hmm very melancholic today sorry mummy linn I hope your taking care of yourself. badvoc so glad you are on the mend make sure to take it easy. sad and the 5 I often wonder how you are doing so it's nice to see you have popped back to all the new people I have been reading g your stories and share some of the things you felt please don't feel guilty for thinking them we all have at one time or another.