Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

That was good to find your card lollipop. I too have lots of photos of the flowers. Sooooo is it going to be like a "date" with your friend ?

sorry IVe been away so much still no internet until Tuesday. not much company at the minute feeling really down hope your all ok

Sorry you're feeling down supermariossister, I hope you feel a little more positive soon.

I'm quite down myself today, but managed my first day back at work after mum's death ok on Thurs.

I seem to be developing a slight obsession with keeping a record of mum's life. I have moved straight on from being heavily involved in writing the funeral service to spending hours constructing an elaborate photo book about mum to help my young kids remember her. I guess now I can't see or speak to mum I've decided the next best thing is to grasp any trace of her I can find and record. I wondered if anyone else had felt they needed to do this too? I'm spending hours on it and wondering if it's slightly unhealthy or if I should just go with it.

it depends really I guess if you are happy doing it or if you are finding it very upsetting and it is affecting you in a bad way, it is a lovely thing to have and very important for your children. I have a photo album of mums photos but haven't written what I want too yet. just take it slowly and best you can.

I have woken up again from a horrible dream, wish I didn't have to sleep lately the dreams always come. not having good days lately. dont know where it's come from at all.

Hi supermariossister, yes I think it does bring me some comfort getting all the stuff about mum together.

Sorry you are struggling with stuff, and having bad dreams too- i haven't had any dreams of mum yet but it does worry me they will come at some point. I hope you have a better day today- I think you said you had a 6 year old boy? I hope he is on good form for you. I have a 5.5 year old daughter (and a younger boy too). My daughter knows about mum's death but is not upset by it so far, I guess she may be at some point though.

thanks imnot I'm glad it is helping you, with ds or seems to come in waves he can be fine then he will be really grumpy and argumentative which usually ends with tears and how me misses her or gets out the memory box we made up. I do think sometimes though close family especially excuse bad behaviour when he is struggling which doesnt help. I'm not sure about the dreams I suppose they may come but they could also be wonderful dreams/calming dreams so try not to worry too much that they might, after all the dream world is rather out of our control. I am sure that your daughter too will have her moments, I found the memory box to be a great help it is a hard thing to grasp as a small child I imagine

imnotcute, I'm the same, I'm desperately trying to find information about my dad from his youth and I've no one to ask, everyone their age is dead or died years ago, like after or during the war, I've been trawling the internet but its no use, what I want is small details only someone who knew them would know. Its heartbreaking to know its all gone.

super, if its any good I read somewhere that sometimes dreams are the opposite of reality, not a reflection of it.x

mummylin noooo, friend is gay, no date imminent haha!

In fact, that's something I'm not even worrying about right now - single for just over a year and am very happy at the moment :)

Went to the British Synchronised Skating Championships in Sheffield with some ice skating friends yesterday - that was nice.

Had a little wobble on the bus up to the local rink where I was meeting friends to drive to Sheffield though. Was thinking about my lovely granddad, and then it dawned on me - because I don't know my dad, I now have no one to buy for on Father's Day.

Why do our brains think of the most random things, at the strangest times?

Lollipop you can get a card and put it by your grandads photo at home !
Still suffering here with cold and chest infection, hope it soon goes

poor you mummylin, thats rotten! hows your back doing now x

Hello all
Things here still unremittingly grim...won't post and depress you all further!
Hope everyone has a good week this week...x

don't worry badvoc we are here to talk too, what's on your mind? was sorry to hear about your aunt going into the hospice on my other thread but I do hope this means she will receive round the clock care and be comfortable. life absolutely sucks balls sometimes doesn't it. sorry for my crude turn of phrase couldn't put it better!

Oh it sucks them big time! :)
I am going to see her tomorrow morning all being well....it's 20 miles form here so quite a round trip. Won't be able to go as often as I would like.
Had an awful thought earlier....Dh is away at fen half term (great planning, eh!? :)) and I suddenly thought...what if my aunt dies and it's her funeral then and I can't go!?
It has happened before, albeit with family in Ireland when the dc were smaller and Dh was away....but...still...it's in my mind now :(
Went to the cemetery with mum today and re did dad's flowers....sigh.
I feel so tired....mum texts or phones me by 7.30 every morning, even weekends. I had a really bad headache this morning and took some string painkiller and stayed in bed and when I didn't reply she rang! Then she makes me feel so guilty because she is so fed up and lonely. But what can I do!? I have Dh and he dc too...I can't just drop everything. My brother and sister didn't seem bothered or feel guilty so why do I?
Am even in talks with Dh about converting ds2s bedroom back into 2 (previous owners knocked 2 bedrooms into one) so she can stay occasionally....
I just dont know what else to do :(

that sounds rough, see what happens and if it does fall to the half term I'm sure something could be sorted out even if it meant you could go to service or such wish I was close I would come and watch them no problem. as for your mum that is so hard she must feel she has to keep In touch but needs to let you rest and deal with tour own family too hopefully that will settle down as she gets used to being alone but I do see what you mean I was always the one who felt guilty for not answering or being busy it is hard to have to say no sorry I need some time with dc or alone but you are entitled to do it, can see why you don't though perhaps a word about the early mornings calls and how you are not feeling rested x

oh badvoc, thats sounds so hard and so familiar. I found it impossible to ignore what mum needed after my dad died and take time for myself but my brother and sister didnt think twice and it went on for years....I have no advice, cos I've learned we're all different and you can only do what feels right for you and you sound the sort to run yourself into the ground when others put themselves first.

for you xxx

Hello, I hope you don't mind me joining you - ssd very kindly posted on a thread I had started about my Mum and suggested I come over here. My loss isn't at all recent (yesterday was 20 years since I lost my mum) but really struggling with it atm, more than I have for a very long time and just feel a bit lost :(

Welcome velvet.
I think we can all empathise with how you are feeling.
Lost is a very good way of describing it.
Off to see my aunt soon...I have never been to a hospice before. Am actually nervous!

Hi all, hopefully will soon be back to normal. Have been to doc, got steroids and anti b,s . Hope I don't start getting muscles like Popeye!
Welcome to any new posters and thinking of the rest of you.
I cannot remember the last time I felt so ill, yesterday I nearly went to the hospital when I couldn't breath, never been like that in my life ! My sister moving down here on Wednesday permanently. She will be glad to be home, may get more help at the crem when she is here, not banking on it though !

mummylin Sorry to read you're poorly- it sounds awful :( Hope the steroids and ABs work quickly.

Hello velvet. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Badvoc Hope the visit to your aunt is peaceful and you are able to share some precious time together. If her hospice is anything like the one my parents were in, you will be very well looked after (as will your aunt, of course!)

We have just sold some of my parents' belongings at auction. Feels horrible :(

Much love to you all and hope you're all getting on ok. x

Oh Lin, I'm sorry you are so poorly. Chest infections are horrid. Keep taking the meds! :)
Lego...I can't imagine how that must feel :( I have blu ray DVDs of my dads which I will never watch but...I just can't get rid of them. Silly really.
Anyone want season 1 game of thrones on blu ray? :)

hope you feel better soon Lynn, welcome to you violet there is no time limits here if you would like to tell us about her?. Lego I bet that was really hard to do hope your doing okay today, badvoc how did today go been thinking of you. I am a bit better than I was today, not feeling like me lately but am trying hard to get out of it. I am worried about my dsis she is having some problems with an ex who is very pesistant. she lives alone though and it worries me. had a couple of days with dp at home which I really needed, was nice. have given myself a new project of decorating to keep me busy. looks pretty good considering! internet back tomorrow so I shall be back to posting more often

velvet even don't know why violet was stuck in my head, you can't see previous posts on phone which is so annoying can't wait to have computer back. how are you feeling now mummlinn I hope you are resting

Glad you are getting your intent back today SM . Hello to everyone hope the days are manageable for you all.
Not feeling much better today but its only second day of tabs, I'm too impatient and expect them to work in five minutes !! Thinking of you all

Hello

Sorry not to be have been around. I feel extremely low at the moment. I live to far away from where my mum is just go and talk to her, I need something in the garden here that I can go and talk to, something that meant a lot to her. I need her

Someone said to write to her but I don't know where I'd put it..... the letter.

Sorry to just jump in. I can't stop crying today and DH is away until later.....

internetback today, it is very fast! but there is an annoying pop up of windows 8 type apps that keeps popping up when I go the top bar very annoying.

Mouseface, I am sorry you feel so down today, I don't go up to the cemetery very often and ds enjoys buying things he thinks mum might like like ornaments windmills and such ( which we cant have at mums grave it is cut flowers only or planted woodland flowers) so I have a large planter in the garden that we decorate with ornaments,flowers and plant our own flowers it looks beautiful in the summer perhaps this is something you could consider doing.

I stuck to my word and didn't want coronation street but the amount of fb posts about it drove me bats enough, how it was so very sad and the hardest thing anyone could go through. was very hard for me to see friends that have ignored my loss completely empathising with a make believe show!