Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Lin hope you are feeling better? Are you talking antibiotics? Poor you , you sound rough (())

lego - Oh my word cant imagine how tough that is..what i would do if there was anything i was auctioning with the money i would take the family out or treat myself to something, im sure my mum would have wanted me to do that, or buy something for the grand children. Hope your ok! x

Badvoc - Hope your going along ok, and your appointment went ok! All the best, we are here for you

Super - well done you on the decorating, im the same i need a kick up the arse big time to motivate myself! Were going to decorate our room and im going to do a major declutter starting with hubbies gadgets! shhhhh lol yeah like id get away with that!

ssd and biscuits as always thinking of you lovely ladies (())

velvet, lollie and anyone else welcome to the group, we are here for you anytime you need an ear, weve ranted, shared, and talked loads

me not too bad, tougher at time at the moment but im riding the waves or sadness the best i can.

hi to anyone else ive missed i hope your all going along the best you can be xx

crossposts there , no kick up the arse for me. I have left the decorating so long and I feel very pathetic for saying this but it seems every room I change, every new thing I buy is a step away from mum and when she was a part of our lives... its a very strange thought that I wish I could step away from

t yes anti b,s and steroids. My chest is not so tight today and I can at least breath better. My sister is moving down tomorrow but I won't go and see her even though its her birthday, she suffers from asthma like our sister who died and I can't risk passing anything on to her. She must feel so happy tonight.
mouse I am sorry you feel so bad tonight. You can write a letter then burn it so the smoke ges up into the skies. It is a great
idea to make a memorial place in your garden. When our mum died my brother bought me a beautiful rosé which was called "eve" which was my mums name. It is beautiful and had lot of flowers last summer. I have the little plaque tat the funeral people put on the grave when mum was buried. You can get named roses from a good rosé grower. Mine is from David Austin / Austen. Maybe you would like that.
SM glad you have your net back, it's been a few days hasn't it.
waterlego how hard to must of been to sell your parents things. But it's a sensible thing to do really if you have no use or place for them. You are braver than I am. I still have so many boxes of mums stuff here.
ssd hope you are doing a bit better and badvoc I hope things will soon get better for you, you have had so much to cope with, do you have to have another op ?
To everyone who is so sad, you are in my thoughts

Hello all.
Lin - I go back to the gp next month so we shall see what's she says...
Hopefully going to see my aunt again tomorrow, then at my mums all day Thursday as she is having new front and back doors fitted.
Then Friday I hope to spend the day in bed! :)
Glad you are feeling a bit better...ABs usually kick in after about 48 hours ime so by the weekend you should feel much much better x
On top of, well, everything, the downstairs sink is still leaking. Am very tired of finding puddles of water everywhere. The dishwasher is also knackered but dh is convinced he can fix it ( he thinks that about the sink too though....) also the bath cold tap hasn't worked in weeks. I have to run a bath then go away for a while to let it cool down! And the lead flashing is coming away from the house where it meets the small pitched roof above our porch. Not major problems in the great scheme of things, but....it's all getting me down ATM.

It's the flashing that has caused us to have leaks into our conservatory badvoc if its just raining without the wind blowing it dosent leak. It has to be really horrendous weather, but it's a damn nuisance. Dh thinks he has fixed that ! We shall see. I would be annoyed about all the little things that are wrong, we have one more bit to be done in the bathroom, been waiting for weeks now. Just need the end f the bath panelled in. Everything else is done. Dh says he is gonna so it, but bloody dosent. If I could do t myself I would .
So should the steroids take about the same time to work ? I have never had them before.

Which ones are they Lin? Tablets or inhaler?
Prednisilone? Salbutamol?
Tablets work Very quickly ime, inhalers are more long term.
That's what annoys me tbh...if I could do it myself I would. Dh can't seem to understand that I am not being disrespectful to him to suggest a plumber. He isn't a plumber! Why should he know what to do!! Grrr.

Super - I don't know your situation but did your mum live with you and you're changing the things in your house?

Change is hard.... (((hugs))) x

I'm going to try and read back tonight and 'meet' a few of you as I need to drag myself out of this fug I'm in. (Fug = Ugly Fog) :)

Off to bath Nemo and then chat later, I may even treat myself to a glass of vine tonight. I feel that way out :) x

Yes the prednisolone 6 a day in the morning for 5 days anti b is doxycycline 1 per day with full glass of water . Steroids are 5 mg, anti b is 100mg . Mind you if you took notice of all the side affects no-one would ever take any of them I'm sure. I stopped reading . But I did read it can make you sleepy and it has. I was asleep by 9.30 in my armchair last night, when I woke at gone 1am, there was no dh, no tele a blanket over me and my little salt lamp on with its lovely glow. Of course I then woke up so went and made a cuppa, put tele on and eventually went back to sleep on the settee !

water, I know how hard it is clearing your mum and dads things out. I had 2 wks to do this, alone, and I just couldnt let it go, so at the last minute I contacted a local charity that sells furniture to local people cheaply. I gave them almost everything, they couldnt believe it, stuff I know I'd have got money for...the only thing I managed to sell was a brand new washing machine and I still have the money in my drawer, I cant spend it, even though theres been times I've really needed it!! Its just an utterly heartbreaking task, much harder for me than the funeral or telling the kids or anything else I've faced. for you xxx

mummylin, hope you feel better soon and the tablets work xx

to everyone else, hugs to you all xxx

hi mouseface, mum didn't live with me no but we moved house the exact same day, when she moved to a bungalow I moved to my house with dp so everything we decorated we did at the same time/ she helped me with/we chose things together it seems now like I am erasing that but the place looked a mess. it's strange what we think of isn't it. how are you all tonight

Are you allergic to penecillin Lin? I am and always get given doxycycline. It works well but can give you nasty gastric symptoms so do take gaviscon at night if you need to.
The prednisilone will also make you hungry :) it's great stuff though. You should be feeling lots better by Friday x

My dd asked me if I was hungry but last night I wasnt at all, tonight a bit better but I wouldnt say my appetite has increased yet. No not allergic to anything.
Guess what , I just text My sis to wish her a good move back here tomorrow and she has just text me back " already here , came down today , was too impatient " !

She would like to of moved down last week , but the previous owner had cats so my sis has had the whole house sprayed and deep cleaned owing to her asthma. But my brother has seen to that for her. She has so many things that she is getting allergic too it's worrying, in view of our other sister.

That is worrying isn't it? My dh and ds1 are asthmatic and allergic to cats too.
Will be lovely to have het around won't it? :)

I prob won't see her that much, she is always doing stuff and has lots of friends here, she is a member of a musical group which puts on big shows two or three times a year and that will take up a lot of her time again, she tends to mix with them more than family, she is the one sibling who keeps herself a bit aloof from us. Of course she has her two little twins so she will be involved with play groups etc. but at least she will know we are all around her whereas where she was , we were all such a long way from her, she couldn't just pop round if she needed to. The twins were born just about 3 months after our mum died, so sadly she didnt get to see them at all.

She sounds like my sil! Always busy with am dram.
My little niece who was 18 months old when my dad died blows kisses to his photo....it's lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.

am glad your sister is closer to you now ML and I hope that you are resting up and getting better chest infections are grim!

dp been off for a few days and we have had some much needed time to just be, feel calmer but still really sad. I was writing about mum this week and so much of my words are angry still. It is taking a long time to be anything less than furious with those involved with her care at the time. I am more accepting that she is gone and can see that she would not of wanted to live with what she would of had too had she recovered enough to come home she already hated being stuck at home each day, hated the travel to the the hospital every 2 weeks and if she had got well enough it would of been two times a week visits, I love her far too much to have wanted to see her exist but not really want to. the very small selfish part of me wishes she was still here though, in any way.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, especially when so many of you are going through a v difficult time with losses far more recent than mine. I really do appreciate it. I am feeling a bit better today, and when I think of my mum (and dad) steer my thoughts consciously towards good memories rather than actively thinking about them not being with me. If that makes sense.

I can sympathise with those of you clearing out your parent's houses. that was one of the hardest things for me after my dad died. I kept an awful lot (I was young and childless then, so had lots of spare room). I'm sure most people would have chucked a lot of it, but having no siblings or other family I like having things around that remind me of my childhood, as a link to my parents. When we moved house when I was 4 my mum bought a full set of crockery (cups and saucers, plates, bowls etc). Over the years one by one things broke, now I only have 1 plate left. I'll be quite sad when that eventually breaks.

I was shocked by how upset I was at the weekend, I haven't cried that much for my mum for many years. In some ways I think it was hard to acknowledge it was 20 years ago, because that's such a very long time :(

I know when it first happened I literally felt as though my heart had broken. My chest hurt and I couldn't breathe. For months after, I used to look at other people and wonder how they could go on with their lives so normally, when mine had been ripped in two. It was, still is, the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

and hugs to all of you xx

Velvet - I think we can all vouch them times where it just whacks you in the face, my god I cried lady week one day. I'm sure my neighbour must have heard me. Was a tough week and really needed her here to talk too. I so miss that but I can't entertain that thought as its painful beyond belief.

Super - ooh yes I know that too. The motivation to get on is hard. I'm even thinking wether my mum has seen my back room we done a lovely red flower accent wall and makes me sad to think she hasn't seen it. Although I'm sure she's seen it from up there. It is hard though and wish for her to see it all. I do ask for my sign with things like that not always straight away but I get something. Who knows eh

Lin - bless you - hope you feel 100 percent very soon! Glad your sister is there although this means we won't meet you. We're have to stay cyber buddies

Mouse - hello Hun. Right with you it's painful as hell. Very hard but please know they don't leave us ( this is my belief I know others don't always ) just gives me the comfort well some sort.. But let me say some stages times its just not good enough. Sending big hugs and chat away to us Hun.

Badvoc - what's going on! Lol we have a leak in our kitchen the floor will have to be replaced and our dishwasher is broke! How blooming strange!!

Night all. Hope tomorrow is a not too bad day lots of love xx

Apparently my aunt had a bad day yesterday :(
I am going in for 11am today.
Dh is driving me mad...he won't admit he can't fix the bloody sink!! Came down this morning to yet another huge puddle of water
T - how odd! I am sick of this damn house and everything in it. It has been an absolute money pit since we moved 2 years ago (new boiler, new conservatory roof, new kitchen appliances and worktops....it goes on...)
Just realised that my new iPhone is supposed to be delivered today and I probably won't be in!
My nephews are coming for tea later whilst my sister is at her counselling session.
Hope the weather is better for all of you than it is here - very grey and rubbish.
Thinking of downton trout today after to loss of her dear mum x

Also thinking of downtown today. What a horrible ordeal she has been through.
Yep sorry t I def won't be visiting there now !
badvocsorry to see about your aunts bad day, hope it's a better one for her today. How is your mum coping ? She also has been through a rough few months hasn't she.
Just took all my pills and was promptly sick so I'm not sure how much medication I have retained. I am finding the steroids a little bit bitter and can taste them.

Sorry to hear that Lin.
Maybe so the dr if there is another ab you can take?

It's not the anti b that's bitter , it's the steroids. They are only tiny but I can taste the bitterness and I think that's what made me sick. I can't take anther dose because I only have enough for 5 days. I will just have to hope that some has stayed down ! I am a real anti pill person and need pills with a hard shell that I can take ! Only consolation is that it shifted stuff off my chest !

hope you feel brighter in the next day or so linn if not then perhaps back to the doctor see if the tablets can be changed.

Hello all. Not much sleep last night. I had some horrible thoughts and I really hope I am not going to start having nightmares about mum. I don't want her to become a "spectre" in my mind.

I have to go and see the funeral directors soon. Am not really looking forward to that. I have suddenly thought about the funeral expenses- how awful it is to have to think about money at times like this. I don't know if she had a funeral plan and although I know there is plenty of money I'm not sure we can access it. The person with POA is also executor, not one of us, I have never met him, and I have been in touch with the solicitor. But I know the funeral directors will probably ask for a deposit and it will be down to me and DH to find that money as my DBro and DSIS do not have it.