Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

In danger of having a foot stamping epic strop today!

Could be therapeutic but could also result in a sore foot.

glad your feeling better linn, and hope you are too ssd. I cant wait for some sun and brighter weather its almost like nightime its so dark in the house. I haven't been up to the graves in ages, I am utterly useless I just hate it up there so much

I shall join you SM.
Sink still leaking.
Dishwasher fell apart this morning.
I just want to throw money at the problems now. I have had enough.

I can see why your frustrated I would definitely be phoning a plumber by now, cant help with the dishwasher never had one of them before!

it is one of them if something doesn't go right I shall start throwing cups days :D

ds has got a friend coming round later hope they behave themselves im already suffering from a headache haha

another coincidence, my kitchen sink has had a dripping tap since last October!!! need to get a plumber in when I get some money together...

funny how we're all finding the same things going wrong here!

thanks mummylin, hip is feeling better a bit today xx

Plumber coming on weds....
Car going in next week (that's sprung a leak too)
Going to arrange for someone to come and measure for new carpets.
I wonder if I can convince dh we need a new kitchen whilst I am at it!?
:)

I will be expecting leaks on Sunday when the wind and rain returns here ! When does t ever end. Nothing can get done much in this house, it's started but never finished. We have a huge footi game here tomorrow with Liverpool playing our home team, of course dh is reading everything possible , I have just asked him about repairing our dimmer switch which has been wrong about 4 weeks, he just grunted so I said its a shame he isn't as interested in repairing / finishing things as he is in the bloody football. Gets right on my nerves. ( and he is an electrician )

ds has got his friend here for tea and playing, he's just gone in the bathroom and got his pjs on. how the hell does he think she is getting home if he's in his pjs. and who gets in pjs when someone is visiting anyway. strange child

My dd,s. ex back in hospital after another massive fit last night, has had two more today. Hosp keeping till wed then sending him to rehab, it won't make any difference he will go straight in the pub when he gets out. He now has kidney and liver probs, heart probs, diabetes type 2 and fits. Also being tested for bowel cancer ! He doesn't seem to care, only about the drink, he doesn't care about my two beautiful gd,s or my dd, only the demon drink. I don't think he will last another year somehow. It's such a worry and I dread the day he isn't here anymore , my dd and gd,s will be devastated despite what he has put them all through in the past ( why they are no longer together ) it's a real worry for me.

that's awful mummylinn it is so hard to see someone we love or even once loved battling an addition it must be heartbreaking for your family and incredibly frustrating at the same time.

So much to do! So many things to arrange!

I have not heard one word from PIL. They live abroad but even so no phone call, text, FB message. Nothing.

Mouseface thank you for your lovely words and kind messages. Yours and others thought are what kept me going over those long days and nights.

downtown I think at some point we have all felt incredibly let down by others not even acknowledging our loss, indeed I refuse to speak to my neighbour as he couldn't even say " sorry to hear about your mum " despite my mum knitting for his dd when his wife left him and the children, he had known my mum nearly 30 yrs. I will never speak to him again. I felt very very hurt and I know some of the others on here have had similar situations.

Im sorry to hear that Lin.
Downton...yes. That does happen, amazing as it seems. My Dhs aunt didn't contact me for weeks after my dad died. In fact the only reasons she did phone was that she wanted a favour from dh and I happened to pick up the phone.
I am no longer angry or upset at her.
I pity people like her tbh. Her total lack of compassion or thought for others has blighted her life.
On the other side, lots of people took the time to talk to me, phone me, send cards and tell me how much they loved dad. And I will never forget it.
X

I spent all the time in my cruse sessions crying about my siblings lack of feelings towards me and never acknowledging my hurt over mum passing, I'll never understand it but I feel it doesnt hurt me so much now, I seem to have put it, not behind me, but in a box I dont want to open, when I cleared out mums house alone they never asked how did you get on/what did you do with her stuff/was it hard.....not a word and have never been here to put flowers down where the ashes are...isnt it strange, I could maybe take someone not asking who isnt a family member, but your own siblings..no thats something that'll never make sense.

grief does that doesnt it, it opens your eyes so much to who has the time for you and who cares about you, but its a hard thing to accept and move on from, its taken me over a year to do it.

It's good that we can all come here for support, we all understand the sadness, the hurt inflicted by others who don seem to give. A damn and even at times our own dh, s who have sometimes been less compassionate than we thought they would be. Nevertheless, together we are gradually working through it all and know that we can come on here and others will understand how we are each feeling. Some of us although it has been a little while can still relate so well to those awful first few days and weeks , because of this we can help others. And this what our loved ones have left us. The empathy to reach out to try and help and sympathise with others who are just starting this sad road called grieving. Thankyou all for being here

Well, I knew they were selfish, but this really takes the biscuit.

DH and I have been married 22 years this year. I'm the mother of their grandchildren. I went to two of their parents funerals. I organised their silver wedding, church service and everything.

I'm really hurt by that.

that was nice mummlinn, I do like to think that we help each other through and I know there is always someone to talk to on here. feeling a bit like that myself today everyone is busy and too much thinking going on. dp doesnt like the game they are playing so is in kitchen I am bored witless of always sat in same chair doing nothing with noone to talk too!

I'm not surprised you are hurt downton I know some people don't know how to behave or what to say but just a small mention or token to show they are thinking of you it would hurt my feelings too.

People are really strange, we experience one of the worst times of our lives and some people think that in a couple of weeks we will all be back to " normal* they then continue with their lives and the recently bereaved are left to cope, just at the very time we need people to help prop us up. It's all very weird.i hope I will never treat people in a similar vein.
There is such a lot of things which hurt us when we are all so vulnerable, at the most devastating times of our lives.
downtown hope you have managed to plough through some f the necessary things to do. Are you having to do it all yourself.
I asked my brother today if we had had POA and he said yes, that's why bank needed identification etc, to give us the power to see to the bank stuff. I think being executor was just to make sure mums wishes were carried out. We also had to sell her property and make sure that te beneficiaries were given what mum asked, as I said if it hadn't been for my brother I would never have been able to do any of it. I was in utter shock and grief.

Can I join you please ? My phone rang as we were finishing our meal last Saturday evening and it was my mum ringing to say she had just had a phone call to say my dad had collapsed and died. The last week has been the worst of my life . We threw toothbrushes in the car and drive the 2 1/2 hours to my mums with 3 kids in tow arriving late. The next morning I had to drive an hour in the other direction with my mum and brother to identify my dads body . He was 66 years old and enjoying life to the full after a heart attack 6 years ago . He had stents fitted and been on medication and had been symptom free but died suddenly whilst out with friends off road motor biking . He was found dead by a passer by in the van they had travelled in . How will I ever get over this when I feel so cheated - my DD1 took her driving test this morning and passed - he should have known this. She sits A levels this summer - he will never know if she got into her first choice Uni. How do I pick up the pieces ?

So sorry snowy, what an awful shock for you all. You just have to take things one day at a time for now. How is your mum doing?

She's like me - holding it together most of the time but then having a melt down when something triggers a memory. Never in a million years would I have thought this time last week that I would be getting ready to go to my parents house in the morning to plan his funeral.

what a terrible shock for your family. he sounds like a much loved man. I hope you can support each other through the the next few days, take care of yourself someone is always here to talk too.

So sorry to hear that snowyowl. My mum died quite suddenly, aged 64, just before Christmas. I think I understand a little of what you are going through and how terribly unreal it all seems.

I'm sending you my best wishes for the difficult days ahead. It's an incredibly tough time x

Hellosnowy I am sorry you have had to join this thread. I'm sure you are in the most horrendous shock at this time. I was the same when my mum died suddenly. It is almost unbelievable to take in. I am so sorry you have lost your dad. Yes he should of been here to know about your dd, s driving test.
Life seems so unfair sometimes.
If there is anything we can help you with or you just need a shoulder you can hopefully get that on this thread as we all understand the pain of your terrible loss. I hope your family will be able to support each other. Look after yourself and just take things day by day.

Thanks - trying to hold it together for my mums sake and for my 3 kids so it's nice to have some support myself .