Shabba I'm so sorry to hear about Beth. I can empathise with her mum, losing your role as carer as well as mum was so hard for me, and other parents at the hospice group we attend. It feels like you have all these skills that you never chose to acquire, but would never resent having, then all of a sudden they are obsolete. I sat around for a long time missing the hum of the oxygen concentrator, and the Sats alarm, and the beep of the feeding pump, and the regular medicines that needed to be administered, the therapy sessions, nurse visits, hospital appointments, feeding tubes, monitor wires. But above all, the cuddles. Beatrice couldn't move, so she couldn't get away from me even if she wanted to 
so she was smothered in kisses in cuddles all the day long, I hated putting her down.
I miss every little thing about her and I'm going through a low patch. I think of her ALL THE TIME. And I'm crying at night again. I sleep with one of her dresses under my pillow and I often wake with it under my cheek, so I've soaked it in tears too many times.
We went on holiday and I felt so low, wishing we were the family of 5 we should be. I'm nervous about her birthday coming up next month as I know my family won't acknowledge it. All in all, if you met me in the street you might think I was a normal mum of two coping nicely with life, but underneath it all I am crumbling without my darling, darling girl. It hurts so much.